Wednesday, February 18, 2015

LIKE A RUNAWAY SLED

My front yard property on Monday,
after the first snowfall

I felt really rotten this morning.

How rotten did you feel, Jon?

I felt like Ethan Frome after his last sleigh ride with Mattie. A free-fall with a crash.

Wow. Elaborate.

My day was off to a bad start even before I got out of bed. My eleven-month-old kitty Scruffy always wakes me up. She climbs up on the bed headboard and jumps on me. Today, she climbed up on the headboard and......sneezed on me. Right in the face. A liberal shower of feline germs.

I'm talking abundant liberal. Not politics liberal.

I grabbed my cell phone and snapped this photo just before she sneezed. It's not upside down. That's exactly how she looked from my vantage point.



Get a kitten, they said.
It'll be fun, they said.

Yesterday, I somehow threw my back out of whack. As I was crawling out of bed this morning the spasms were so bad that I fell flat on the floor. 

To compound matters, I've been having severe - and I mean severe - pain in my toes.
Yes, you heard it correctly. Toes. All ten of them.

Heck, the last time I ever had pain in my toes, it was because somebody had been biting them. No need to panic, it happened long ago when I was young and soused.
This time, to my knowledge, no teeth were involved. 

I was in such agonizing pain from my back and toes that I couldn't get up off the floor. As I was crawling towards the bedroom door - wondering how I was going to wash my face - Scruffy suddenly decided to play. She grabbed one of my bare feet and dug ALL of her sharp claws into it - relentlessly hanging on as I crawled. My screams of agony echoed through the mountains......and it's rumored that they were heard in Nashville.

After I recovered enough to resume thinking, I realized that my toes hurt because I had been wearing two pairs of tight socks to keep my feet warm.
The socks must have completely cut off the circulation. Fortunately my toes didn't turn black and drop off.

So how are you doing now, Jon?

I'm still limping, but I'm wearing looser socks.

You're weird, Jon.

Weird, but immensely entertaining.


My yard on Monday during the first snowfall
as seen from my back porch

The cold weather is the Big News (capitalized for emphasis). I'm a Tennessee virgin. I honestly hadn't expected the winters here to be so harsh.

Let's see. It snowed on Monday, I think. And Tuesday, I think. And this morning for sure. Eight inch accumulation.The high temperature today was a brisk 16.

Tonight (it's only 8:00 p.m. as I'm writing this) the temperature is supposed to plummet to minus 15. I said minus. That's cold enough to kill a penguin. Or Al Gore. Aw, settle down. I couldn't resist.

Hey, I'm writing this humorous stuff while I'm in an incredibly bad mood. Could you imagine how funny I'd be if I actually felt good?



View from my office window
(one of the spare bedrooms)


This frigid weather is definitely impeding all my activities. I'm not complaining. I've lived through winters far worse than this. I'm just stating a fact. I can't unpack any of the things in the garage. It's so cold out there that I can only tolerate it for a minute. Or less.

Late last night I ran out of kitty litter. Not for me. For the cats. Fortunately I had another big bag, but I'd left it out in the car. And I had to force myself to go out and get it.

The eight inches of snow had turned into solid ice. My entire property is on a steep mountainside. I immediately slipped on the ice and slid all the way down to my car. In retrospect, that's probably how I hurt my back.

If the car wasn't there to break my slide, I would have undoubtedly ended up in Kentucky. The door on my car was frozen shut and I literally had to pry it open, using my fingernails to crack the ice. By then my fingers, toes, and family jewels were completely numb. I honestly couldn't feel my balls for several hours.

Don't try to visualize this. It will corrupt you.

Carrying a 50 lb. bag of kitty litter back up to the house while walking on ice wasn't easy.
I only had two thoughts:

1. God, please don't let me fall again.

2. Those damn cats shit more than I do!



Bosco and Scruffy
looking at the snow from kitchen window



Note:
Ever since I started this new blog Lone Wolf Concerto I've noticed that readership is sparse and seems to be dwindling rapidly. Many (but not all) of my faithful friends who used to read Lone Star Concerto have vanished.

 I've thought about abandoning this blog, but I'm addicted to it. I enjoy distributing my thoughts for public consumption - whether the public is there or not. Most of all I enjoy entertaining myself.

Rose from Canada (Life After Fifty) told me that she's been having an enormous amount of trouble leaving comments on my blog. I haven't had any other complaints about this. I checked the settings and they seem to be okay.




30 comments:

  1. Jon, my first thought would be to run a knotted, weighted rope down to the car. Control your descent with it then tie what you want at the house and pull it up the ice from the porch. I haven't tried this personally but believe the method superior to tying a rope around my waist and having a friend pull me down the slope --which I may have tried but won't admit. Take extra caution, whatever method you come up with. I like your blog and having it go from Tenn. to Kentucky is too much variety for me.

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  2. Since I have no friend willing to pull me (or no friend, period) I'll either have to try a weighted rope or wait for the spring thaw (if indeed there is one). I promise the blog won't go to Kentucky - - not without me, anyway.

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  3. Jon, re missing readers - you told everyone 4 days before Christmas. :) They might have missed your post in the busyness of the season, especially if they read via a feed reader or via email subscription. My suggestion - pop another post up over there pointing them over here and repeat that once a week for four weeks, that way your readers should all find you. :)

    I can't remember how I found you, but I am reading via the feedreader so I get your posts when you publish them..

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    1. Thanks for the input. The link that I put on my old blog had an error in it, but I didn't know about it for a long time. Consequently a lot of people couldn't get to my new blog. I have since corrected it, but I will put up a new post again soon as you suggested. I'm glad you can get here via feedreader.

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  4. Cats are high maintenance in alot of ways, litter being one of them. And those bags are indeed too damn heavy. Glad you survived the fall. You have to nurse that back, though. It is nothing to fool with. I get cramping in my toes and can never figure out why? Happy to hear your trouble was only some tight socks. If it makes you feel better you are not alone. It is well below zero here too. Winter IMHO is overstaying it's welcome at this point.

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    1. Cats are indeed extremely high maintenance. My older cat Scratch isn't too much trouble, but the two younger ones are really a handful. I've had back trouble most of my life but when it goes out of line (or whatever) it's agonizing. I was a fool to move into the wilderness during my declining years, but it's an adventure.

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    2. my Mom would tell you
      you're still young! :)

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    3. Your mother is very wise.......

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  5. Could it be gout in your toes? My sister-in-law had a problem with painful toes, but it turned out to be a circulation problem due to a lifetime of smoking, and I don't think you smoke... do you? I'm still faithfully reading. Don't abandon your blog.

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    1. No, I don't smoke. I stopped wearing the tight socks (and slippers) and the pain has nearly disappeared. I'm hoping it's nothing serious. Delighted to know you still visit my blog!

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  6. immensely entertaining...!! Next time try spreading kitty litter where you are walking.....in the winter we carry it in the trucks in case we get stuck in the ice and snow.....Who Knew!!.....it works....
    Stay warm and safe.....your neighbor in the mountains to the East....

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    1. How ironic! I never heard about using kitty litter on the ice. Next time I'll buy two bags - - one for the cats and one for me.

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  7. Hi Jon, glad to hear you made it safe out to your car and back. If you had fell down and could not have gotten up you would have been a snow man the next morning. Cat litter is heavy, but I found some that they call light cat litter and it is lighter than the other I had been getting. I have a bad back and know how bad it can hurt I hope you are feeling better. We don't have any snow, but it has been cold down here in this southern town. Your yards look pretty covered with snow. Take care.

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    1. I really like it hear but the bitterly cold weather has taken me by surprise. I thought that by mid-February things would be thawing out.....

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    2. I really like it hear but the bitterly cold weather has taken me by surprise. I thought that by mid-February things would be thawing out.....

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  8. Sand works great for traction on the ice, also. Kitty litter tends to be somewhat messy, depending on the brand. We used to track in dark stains on our boots from it. We do however, mix sand with ice melter stuff when it is icy over here, and that seems to work the best for our climate here in Vancouver. Hopefully a nice warm bath and some pain killers will help your back. Stay warm, my friend!

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  9. Rose!!!!! You finally got through!!!! I have no clue why your previous comments didn't make it, but hopefully the problem is resolved. Keep in touch.

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  10. Now I am having problems posting photos - go figure!!

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  11. Be careful Jon, you will be longing for that Texas heat. Glad you didn't fall in the snow and break something. I'm spending a lot of time on the heating pad and popping Tylenol for my back and legs.

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    1. Paula, believe it or not, I AM yearning for that Texas heat. If it doesn't thaw out by July, I just might be heading west.

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  12. Once more, you've got me alternately LMAO -- and recoiling at the idea of -15 degrees. (... all the while I'm running my car's air conditioning already.)
    If your back doesn't start feeling better, please have it checked?

    Scruffy is adorable. I hope she's not catching cold!

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    1. While you're running the car's AC, I'm considering getting a sled and a team of huskies. Both of my little cats do have colds. I always avoid going to doctors. I'd either wind up at the Mayo Clinic...or Bellevue.

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  13. You're right, Jon; you ARE immensely entertaining. Forgive me, though, for laughing at the image of you crawling on the floor with a cat hanging onto your foot. (You DO have a way with words!)

    I don't believe for one second you'd ever consider going back to Texas. Face it, cowboy... you LOVE it where you are now. And you're gonna love it even more after spring has sprung. But be more careful, okay?

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  14. Susan, I'm optimistic that it MIGHT thaw out by July. When I moved to Tennessee I thought my adventures would be over. Obviously I was wrong.

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  15. Jon, I love your new blog. I'm from Murfreesboro Tennessee but now reside in Virginia and Delaware. It's wonderful that you got out of Texas. The top of the mountain will be beautiful in the spring.
    Susan

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  16. Sorry for the pain you are suffering, but your writing painted a funny picture... :-))
    I think this has just been the winter from Hell for a lot of people. At least you are in a beautiful area, and no loud partying neighbors!

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  17. Sorry for the pain you are suffering, but your writing painted a funny picture... :-))
    I think this has just been the winter from Hell for a lot of people. At least you are in a beautiful area, and no loud partying neighbors!

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  18. Are you sure the cats aren't biting your toes in your sleep??

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  19. Jon,
    You are always very entertaining. And as far as the readership of your blog? I think a lot of your former followers don't know where it is. To me, you have one of the best written and most interesting blogs on the Internet. I would experience a great sense of loss if you decided not to continue with your blog. Now a little warning, please be careful when you're out frolicking in the snow. And if you do decided to play in the snow and slide down to your car with a fifty pound bag of kitty littler, make sure you have your cell phone with you. When I fell, that's what saved me. I called 911. If I didn't have my cell phone, I would have had to lay on the hotel floor all night until Lou, who opens the hotel in the morning around 6:30 AM, came in. Even more dangerous, I could have fallen outside the hotel door and lay outside in that 7 degree high wind temperature. That was so close. I'm so glad I decided to walk back into the warmth of the hotel just to get myself together before I went to my car, that when I collapsed on the floor after three steps. Again, I'm going on a lot about me here (don't I always?) but please Jon, take my misadventure as a warning and play it safe the next time you venture out in the bad weather. Take your phone with you if you didn't already. And keep on blogging.
    Ron

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  20. All you have to do is hint that you are thinking of abandoning your blog and we all come out of hiding to remind you how much we love you! Sounds like you've had a pretty harsh welcome to mid west winters but if you manage not to get yourself killed living as a mountain man, you will soon be rewarded with the soft beauty of spring. It's not as far away as it seems so hang in there. Your mantra...."it's NOT texas!"

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I love comments. Go ahead and leave one - I won't bite. But make sure you have a rabies shot just in case.