Sunday, February 22, 2015

STILL KICKING, I THINK



I hate updates, but thought I'd write another one just to confirm that I still have a pulse. Weak, but discernible, nevertheless....It's just after midnight, officially Sunday.

First off I want to thank everyone for being so kind, wishing me well, and sending warm thoughts via your comments. Your warmth is truly melting the snow. Heartfelt thanks!


I've always depended on the kindness of strangers.
(delivered with my best Blanche DuBois southern accent)

Words can hardly describe the sensation of colliding with solid ice. I had hurried outside to turn off the water before further flood damage occurred. The water meter is far enough away to induce fatigue and breathlessness. I had just reached it when both feet flew out from under me and I was literally body-slammed into the ice. Right on my back.

 My breath was knocked out. All I initially remember seeing is stars - - and my cowboy hat launched into orbit. I was so stunned and in so much pain that I just laid there. It was ten degrees. I knew that if I dallied for too long I'd freeze to death. I thought of scrawling Help! Dial 911 in the snow - but who was gonna see it? A moose?

I swear this is the gospel truth - I crawled on my hands and knees back to the house, and it was uphill all the way. And all I kept thinking was Wow,cowboy boots don't have any traction. 

I'm walking again, but it's more like a very painful hobble. Every part of my body is bruised and battered from the ice fall. Every movement is excruciating. Coughed up solid blood yesterday morning. My fingers are cracked and bleeding from the cold.

Tonight I crawled outside (crawled, I'm not kidding) with some pans to gather snow. I'm boiling it for water. I scared a 'possum that was on my back porch.

Crawling sounds pathetic, but at least I'm one up on the Donner Party - - I haven't resorted to eating anyone yet. Yet.
The three cats will be the first ones on my menu......

The power went off several more times, but now that it's back on I put some dinner in the oven (not the cats.....I had some food in the freezer).

Yesterday morning I was talking on the phone with my cousin and she gave me the numbers for the Red Cross and other emergency services. Ironically, five minutes later the big trees started toppling in her yard and knocked out her landline phone service. Her cell phone is also dead, so we are presently out of contact.
Ten miles away from each other.

At least it's not below zero tonight. And at least I have heat. Now, if only I had water......

My laptop is presently my most prized possession. It's my only contact with the outside world. You can hardly get any radio stations up here. A few Bible thumping Baptist stations accompanied by static........and a classical music station from the University of Kentucky. All the stations are from Kentucky, because I live so close to the border.

I wish I could shave and wash my hair. And bathe and wash my clothes. I'm looking extremely scary. A combination of Jedediah Smith and Big Foot.

I remember a time when I was sipping Dom Perignon with friends in Beverly Hills.

Now I'm crawling over Tennessee ice on hands and knees, gathering snow in pans for water.
Life is one wicked son-of-a-bitch, isn't it? The Gods of Fate are laughing their asses off.

The power is still on and my belated dinner is ready. Adieu, mes amis.





19 comments:

  1. Jon, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. I know you are doing it really. first stop after the snow goes is the store that sells those big boots with heavy cleats. Or perhaps snowshoes.....

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    1. I was a FOOL to wear cowboy boots on the ice. I'm used to Texas dust.

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  2. Ok, you're walking. That's something. And you have access to emergency services. That's something too. Please don't delay in getting help. If you have a favorite market, order good stuff and have it delivered. Don't eat the cats --they've got to be tough and stringy. And remember, if you get helpless, the cats'll eat you. Really, I asked 2 of our barn cats and they said it's standard procedure. How ever you navigate this calamity, I look forward to your posts --keep doing that. Best wishes for recovery, better weather and your renewed strength.

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    1. Geo, I don't have water but I do have meat tenderizer. I'll use that if the cats are stringy and tough. Unfortunately, my cats have tried to eat me even when I WASN'T helpless.......they often give me the Evil Eye while licking their chops.

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  3. Freezer food works. I hear that cats do NOT taste like chicken, so therefore cross that option off your list. Using snow for water will at least keep you hydrated. Along with whatever beer you have left for painkillers. If you have to write a message for someone in the snow make it yellow. If you catch my drift. I'm just saying it'll be easier to read. If you are online you should be able to contact Red Cross by email and get someone out to you asap. Coughing up blood is deadly serious, considering your fall. The Gods of Fate are not laughing. To them it's a perverted game and they are getting ready for Round Two. Be prepared. You are still in my prayers Jon. HANG TOUGH. Dom Perignon is in your future when you make this experience a bestseller.

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    1. I've seen yellow messages in the snow before, but I've always avoided them. Good heavens, I hope there's not going to be a Round Two.....at least not any time soon.

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  4. The scariest part of this is how dangerous a fall can be. Thank god and the universe you didn't break something or suffer a head injury out there. Ditch the cowboy boots Jon and order some crampons.

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    1. Kat it's so great to hear from you and to know you're still thinking of me after all these years. I hope all is well with you. I'm sending love your way.

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  5. John, I just heard that you fell on the ice. I know all too well I thought I was going to have to crawl to. I'm so glad you made it back to your house. Believe it or not I'm sitting here on my bed power is out in this house. I cannot believe it. I'm talking in the my cell phone leaving this comment because I can't use my computer because the power is out. I'm telling you Los Angeles is looking better or at least California. Please, please, please be very careful. And again with the crawling I thought that's what I was going to have to do. This winter is a real bitch and a half. I'm waiting for the power to get it back on and I could do a decent comment right now I'm just talking in the microphone. Ron

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    1. Ron this truly has been a bitch of a winter and you and I are bearing the brunt of it. I hope the power comes back on soon. There's nothing worse that no electricity......Unless it's no water.
      Take care of that injured leg, stay warm, and keep in touch.

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    2. And you're right - - California is looking better and better.

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    3. Jon,
      I would seriously consider California. I hear San Diego is nice. Probably way too expensive. But I am going to check it out next year. I don't know, the older I get I'm reevaluating where I want to spend my twilight years. Do I want to be tiptoeing through ice, trying to avoid what I have right now and paying ever higher heating bills? Pat (my friend from Toronto and who accompanied me on my trip to California) is also considering a final move to California. By the way, consider all of us meeting next January in Los Angeles. I would like you as a tour guide to show us (me, Pat and even Tony and Nadege) what we're missing in L.A. Life isn't over yet Jon. I hope your immediate situation improves. This is a terrible winter. The best time I had this winter was the first two weeks in January when we were in L.A. Should have made that two months.
      Ron

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  6. Well on the bright side you don't have to worry about dust storms anymore. Heal quickly, and get some damn ice boots.

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    1. Tony, I really laughed at that. Heck, at least I could WALK in the dust. Send me some warm California sunshine.

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  7. In retrospect, I should have commented on your last post... but didn't want to 'poke the bear.'
    (But had you not updated us, damn the torpedos ......whatever the heck that means.)
    So glad your innate survival skills kicked in. (Were you a Scout, perhaps?) I just feel so damned helpless over here, and wish there was something we might do. In reality, I think Taryterre's advice is sound. Praying in Phoenix!!!

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    1. I need all the prayers I can get. Thanks!
      And, no - - I never was a scout, but I've been using my inherent survival skills ever since I was born.

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  8. Coughing up blood sounds serious. When does the thaw start there? Hope it will be beautiful and worth the misery you're having now.

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  9. I seem to be a little better today. At least I'm not spitting blood. I'm beginning to think there will never be a thaw here. Hey, you're better off in Texas!

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  10. Ice is definitely not kind to the body! Praying you continue to improve! BUY THE ICE BOOTS! :-))
    Take care, Sheila

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