Good Friday. Passover. Memorial. Easter.
Whatever your preference, whatever your belief (or non-belief), this is a special time of year. It harbors fond memories and generates warm thoughts. The arrival of spring, rebirth, resurgence. A sense of freshness, purity, and optimism.
As a diehard romantic and absolute sentimentalist, I've always loved the Easter season and the sense of spirituality and personal serenity that it evokes.
Unfortunately, the unrelenting harshness of the past few years and all the personal agonies that I've endured (most of which I've never revealed in my blog) have extracted my spirit and soul and have rendered me with an abstract feeling of absolute nothingness.
I still try to maintain a sense of humor (imperative for survival) and a feeble smidgen of optimism - but the vibrant self that I once knew is gone. This doesn't have anything to do with growing older. It has to do with becoming emotionally numb and spiritually stagnant. The flame is extinguished. I no longer care. I'm completely drained.
I often write about my exciting and wildly adventurous past simply to remind myself that I was once vibrantly alive. I reflect on my life with complete astonishment when I remember the person I used to be and the things I have done.
This is probably annoyingly somber and perplexing to read. No need for sympathy or analyzation. I'm simply in one of my many dark moods. Brooding. Self-absorbed. Unduly introspective. It's a Hungarian thing.
Spell Check just informed me that the word "analyzation" doesn't exist. I say screw them.
It's 4:00 a.m. and I haven't been to bed yet. Been up all night, drinking coffee, and trying to revise two of my books for republication. Thunder is rumbling in the distance. A brisk wind is blowing through the tops of the tall trees, like a great chorus of agitated whispers.
Thunderstorms are predicted and expected to flourish all day. I have to drive to town to get groceries, and perhaps go to the bank (it closes early today). But I need to get some sleep first.
Good Friday. Storms. Depression. Sleeplessness. The beginning of the Easter Weekend. I want to buy something good for Easter. A ham? A cake? A chocolate bunny? Lilies??
Cat litter for sure. My trio of felines will thank me.
For absolutely no reason (except for your listening pleasure, of course) I'm posting a YouTube video that I made a few years ago.
The lacrimosa from Mozart's Requiem. It's seems appropriate for today.
Spell Check just informed me that "lacrimosa" doesn't exist. Bull Shit. Latin might be a dead language, but it exists.
Few people ever bother to watch my YouTube videos, but if you do - watch it in full screen mode. Makes a better impact.