Saturday, September 12, 2015

BORING STUFF, PHOTOS, AND SEX



When bloggers are desperate, they resort to writing about mundane things and posting photos that nobody really wants to see.

Today I'm going to write about mundane things and post photos that nobody really wants to see. 

The header photo is a genuine Tennessee mountain butterfly (*smile*) that was in my back yard today. I'm presenting that photo first because I knew it would impress you.

And here's another view, just in case the first view wasn't enough.


I summoned enough courage yesterday (Friday) to drive into town, accompanied by Colt.
I can now maneuver those narrow mountain curves while cruising 70 MPH and it's exhilarating enough to unclog my sinuses. 
Someday they'll find me dead at the bottom of a cliff. What a way to go.



Gorgeous weather, absolutely beautiful. It was around 62 degrees today and tonight will drop into the 40's. I love it!!!!!! I finally live in a place that feels like autumn in September.
In California, September was always 150 degrees. In Texas it was 250 (slight exaggerations).

 Back yard

Nothing exciting to see on my property, but the light is changing and whispers of autumn are in the air. The weeds are higher than my ass, but I still didn't fix my mower. Hell, I don't need a mower - - I need a tractor and a herd of 200 mountain goats.

 Front yard

As I'm writing this (late Saturday afternoon) I hear loud gunshots. Damn hunters have itchy trigger fingers. They can't wait to blast Bambi.

The only thing I like to blast are the spiders.  There were three HUGE ones on my front porch a few days ago.  The biggest one looked like a '48 Hudson. It was in a web five feet in diameter. Scared me shitless. I hope I never run into his father.



 Just looking at this photo will give me nightmares for a few weeks. What the hell kind of spider is that, anyway??

Another thing that scares me witless is trying to  get things organized in this small house. There are days when my mind is so boggled that I can't force myself to do anything. The only good thing is that it's cool enough to comfortably work in the garage.

I foolishly left half my furniture in Texas and now I'm realizing that I could use some of it. 
I left a beautiful dining room sideboard.

In desperation, today I made a makeshift sideboard out of an old chest of drawers. I found an antique mirror that belonged to my parents, and I also used two candle holders that were left in this house by the previous owners. It doesn't look great, but it will do. 

 I should have cleaned the mirror (I will eventually) because it's been in storage for a long time.

The biggest drawback is that my two young cats, Scruffy and Bosco, are wild. They jump up on EVERYTHING and I'm always terrified that they're going to demolish my antiques.

Here's Scruffy on the sideboard - - thirty seconds after I set it up.


And here's Bosco in my bedroom, just minutes after he knocked a vase onto the floor. Fortunately it didn't break (thanks to the carpet).


 That weird mysterious white spot is on the camera lens, not on Bosco.

I decided to put my Russian treasures on a very high shelf where the kitties can't get them. These include the lovely Russian tea cup holders that were recently given to me by blogger Myra. Respice, Prospice




Radical change of Subject:
you might not want to read this

While in the process of trying to write my memoirs, I've been checking out memoirs of a similar nature written by other people. The brashness and blatant narcissism of some writers is mind-boggling (not to mention their mediocre writing skills).

David Henry Sterry, author of Chicken, was supposedly so ravishingly handsome and sexually adept that he earned money as a Hollywood male prostitute. Women paid Big Bucks to be serviced by him - -  and his " true tell-all" book was a bestseller.

Okay, egotism is seldom in my vocabulary and I very often minimize my self-worth.
But I'm gonna step out of character for one brief moment and be shockingly blunt.

Here's the question:
If you're paying for sex, who would you fork over the cash to first - - Sterry or me?

(Sterry's on the left, in case you didn't know)



 
Be careful before you give an answer. I don't want my fragile ego to be crushed.

Yea, I'm sure he's a really nice, fun guy with an incredible cock - - but are his inflated exploits deserving of a best-selling book?

Jon, your bitchiness is showing and it's not becoming.

Hey, I might not be a bestseller but I at least deserve to be a book of the month.



I'll deeply regret posting this in the morning.


P.S.
I always wonder why my really  crappy posts (like this one) generate interest, and my good posts (like the previous two) go down like the Hindenburg........

25 comments:

  1. Jon, I am really impressed with your photos. You have a beautiful property that is teaching itself to you and it's good to keep a record. Mundane? I think not --but then, I'm the guy who recently wrote a blog-post about his socks. As to this David Sterry person, I am only a boy of 65 and don't know about such things, but sure enjoyed your post and appreciate your way of making the reader feel liked, even when tackling a grumpy subject.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I'm glad you liked the photos. By the way, it takes an imaginative person to write a post about socks.

      This property is indeed teaching itself to me (I like that phrase). I'm not surprised that you haven't heard of Sterry - and I envy your innocence.

      Delete
  2. It sounds as if you're making your new house into a real Home, Jon. Your parents antique mirror is beautiful ... but more so, my eye is drawn to that mirror in your bedroom. Lovely!

    I'm so glad ... jealous, too ... to hear Mother Nature has finally decided to come around and act nicely. Autumn is the best!!!

    PS - I never heard of David Sterry, but that first picture makes me wonder if he's not related to Howdy Doody. (Sorry, my first impression!)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. My Texas house was so lovely and this one is so shoddy, but I'm using my imagination successfully.
      That round mirror in my bedroom is my personal favorite. It's from Italy, made of wood and hand-painted.

      It's hilarious that you think he looks like he's related to Howdy Doody.

      Delete
  3. Jon,

    I think that spider might be a cousin to the one whose gigantic web I almost walked through last week. Fortunately I caught it glinting in the sun just in time. Maybe your cats will protect you.

    Larry

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's almost nothing worse than walking into a spider web. I did it a few days ago. This must be the season for spiders - the webs are everywhere.

      Delete
  4. The large spiders you are seeing there are probably what we in the south call 'writing spiders'. Here is a Wikipedia link:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Argiope_aurantia

    Here is a photo I took of one in my back yard this year:

    https://www.dropbox.com/s/uxvf1cg7l83x1ay/Writing%20Spider%202015.JPG?dl=0

    They look fierce but I think they are harmless and they eat other bothersome insects.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I appreciate the information. I've never heard of a writing spider. The photo that you took is remarkable, and that spider looks even more scary than mine.

      I'm amazed at the frightening array of spiders here in Tennessee.

      Delete
  5. beware of antiques and curious kitties; they don't mix well.

    sterry looks like an insane idiot; NO WAY would I fuck him!

    I enjoy your pix, whatever they may be.

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    1. If I remember correctly, Sterry married his book editor. I'm sure that's the only reason he got published.

      Delete
  6. Damn scary spiders. The biggest ones I have seen were when we were living in Pusan Korean, They appeared one fall and were in several pine trees near our apartment complex. I would estimate they were as large as tuna cans and made their webs between two trees. This was before the internet and digital cameras, I never got a picture of them and they gave me the shivers. Too lazy to look them up now, I really don't want to read about them.

    Then there were the rats that would run up and down inside the walls and loudly squeal, maybe I should write about that in my blog....

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Wow, they sound worse than the tarantulas in Texas and California. At least tarantulas don't make webs between trees.
      I'd love to read a rat tale on your blog!

      Delete
  7. That butterfly looks like a kind we get over here too. Well, I suppose they all have wings, etc. Glad you're enjoying nature and life in Tennessee right now. As for Sterry, you cannot be serious!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I think this is a Monarch butterfly. They appear just about everywhere this time of year. When I lived in San Angelo, TX there were thousands of them every October.

      I think Sterry exaggerated his abilities in his book - and I think he was published solely because he married his book editor. I've admittedly seen better photos of him, but I deliberately picked the worst (*smile*).

      Delete
  8. Jon,
    Another fabulous post! You really do live in a beautiful part of the country. I am so envious of where you live. Both Bill and I would love your nature surroundings.
    Who is the better looking, you or David Henry Sterry? No comparison. And this guy got paid the bucks? Ravishingly handsome? Taste truly is in the eye of the beholder.
    Ron

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I dislike people who have big egos, and Sterry is one of them.

      I still have a lot of problems, Ron, (most of which I don't write about in my blog) but I am extremely happy that I finally live in a peaceful and very lovely place. It is worth the inconveniences. My life in Texas destroyed me emotionally and physically but I'm glad I got out alive.

      I initially thought Sterry was a gay prostitute, but apparently he mostly "serviced" the ladies. They must have been desperate or drunk.

      Delete
  9. I reckon that all that that Sterry needs is a red nose, whited-up face and painted lips - and even then I STILL wouldn't fancy him.
    (You are at liberty to make an inference from that as an answer to your question.)

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    1. Even though I had to read between the lines, I heartily applaud you for being the only one brave enough to give an answer.

      Sterry is scary.

      Delete
    2. Sterry "ravishingly handsome"? No way - at least not on the evidence of this photo. "Scary" is right on target!
      And btw: For me too it was your pussies who 'stole' this posting. But in anyones blog, pussies always do.

      Delete
  10. Lots of fascinating bits in your post today, especially your Russian treasures - lucky you. Unfortunately, I was distracted by those two rascals Bosco and Scruffy. They stole your blog. In a movie or play, you would call them "scene stealers" What would you call them on a blog post?

    Of course, I was not distracted enough to skip over Sterry. Never heard of him. But I did hear of Rubirosa who was selling the same thing( and I guess, well worth it), but only to over-the-top millionaires, such as Hutton, Duke and Zsa Zsa (who got herself a black eye) In fantasy land, I would have opened my checkbook to Rubirosa. To answer your question: looks wise, clearly the choice is you. But to get brave and nervy,, were you selling the same thing as Sterry?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I suppose we could call Scruffy and Bosco "blog stealers". They are both about a year and a half old now and VERY active - to the point of being annoying. Or perhaps delightfully annoying. My older cat Scratch is nearly ten and very well behaved.

      Actually, I've seen some better photos of Sterry but he was not a "looker". The women who paid money to have sex with him must have been soused or desperate..........or else he's exaggerating......which I'm inclined to believe.

      In answer to your inquiry - - I never accepted money for sex. Never. My ego wasn't large enough (I said EGO....*smile*) In retrospect, I should have charged a fee. I'd be wealthy now. I was extremely promiscuous and "easy" when I was young in Hollywood. Some of the things I did couldn't even be revealed in my memoir.....

      I've never heard of Rubirosa (at least I don't think I did) but I'll Google the name.

      Delete
    2. WOW!!! Rubirosa had one helluva colorful history. His list of conquests even included Eva Peron.

      Delete
  11. I blush when reading your blog sometimes. ha. Better take those mountain curves easy and not with Colt! Laughed at the spot on the cat that is on the camera. Everyone needs a pet spot right? I once had a camera and I thought something was wrong with it as my pictures were coming out blurry. Something got on the lens. lol Luckily before buying another. The spider. Ughhhhhh. I'd have to ban my porch from the facility if it had that spider in it. Good luck with the memoirs. The guy on the right of course wins!

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    1. My digital camera is at least ten years old and occasionally white spots - or orbs - come out on my photos (I hope they're not ghosts). The one on my cat Bosco is funny.

      Spiders scare the jeeters out of me, and there are so many BIG scary ones here in Tennessee.

      Delete
  12. oops typos - on the camera - lucky I found out about the blur before buying another camera. Geez and I'm only on the first glass of vino.

    ReplyDelete

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