Me and my heavy equipment
I'm semi-drunk and ready to ramble shamelessly and aimlessly in my blog.
I had a talk with myself yesterday, the gist of which was this:
Jonathan, if you mention anything about Shostakovich or videos, you're gonna scare your blog readers into the realms of constipation.
Against my better judgement, I scared my readers crapless. I pimped my new video.
Golden Rule: never blog about anything that you have to Google beforehand to find out how to spell. My Shostakovich video took a nosedive like Manfred von Richthofen.
Richthofen deserves a Google.
After devoting untold years and intense research trying to discover how the hell to hold the interest of my blog readers, I've come up with one solution: Announce that you're gay (even if you're not).
Gay blogs are always the most popular. People absolutely love gay men. As long as it's not your son or your husband of course.
Gay men are handsome, witty, charming, intelligent, colorful, intriguing, dramatic, funny (funny HaHa, not funny Strange), and non-threatening. Did I mention artistic?
None of these traits describes myself, of course - it was merely a generalization.
Don't try to look for irony. It'll be too much of a strain.
I have big plans for my next video. I'm gonna do a medley of show tunes in drag.
As a grand finale, I'll do my Judy Garland impression, while singing You Made Me Love You to a photograph of Anderson Cooper.
I'll wait for a moment while you absorb that and laugh.
No, I'm not trying to describe my private physical attributes. I'm describing what I'll need to eradicate the 25 foot mega-monster weeds that have taken up residence on my property.
This is the very back part of the property.
The front isn't as bad. I don't give a crap about mowing, now that it's nearly October
After weeks of endless strain and struggles, I finally fixed my ailing lawn mower. When it actually started this morning, I almost keeled over from the shock.
The wild weeds and grass on my vast, unlevel mountain property are so high and obstinate, that no lawn mower this side of hell could ever possibly dare to confront it. My mower kept screaming and stalling in protest. I finally had to give up.
I need a tractor. Or a Sherman Tank. Or an exorcist. Hell, the Pope is performing miracles in New York. Why can't he pop over here and splash some holy water on my property?
Is there a satisfactory resolution to this blog post?
Naw. I'll just gently encourage you not to be afraid of my Shostakovich Autumn video. Here's the link:
And go outside tonight to gaze at the full Harvest Moon. Rumor hazzit there will be a total eclipse.
A post script:
It was cloudy ALL night here in Tennessee so I didn't get to see the damn eclipse!!