Wednesday, November 25, 2015

PLUSES AND MINUSES


(photo by Jon)



Thanksgiving is the time of year when tradition dictates that we should be greatful for our bounties and give thanks for our blessings. As a hardcore pessimist and a relentlessly dire realist, I've always found it incredibly difficult to acknowledge the bright side of life. I'd go so far as to maintain that anyone who is in a perpetual state of smiling bliss is a jackass.

Wow, Jon, you've singlehandedly managed to put a major damper on the entire Thanksgiving experience.

Let me put it this way:
My often dour disposition would have driven the Pilgrims to suicide or murder.

Do us a favor, Jon. Take a deep breath, put on a happy face, and tell us all the pluses in your life.

Hey, Kemo Sabe - - I haven't had a happy face since Howdy Doody was on prime time TV. You've proposed a tough request, but I'll give it a shot:

Since I'm spending Thanksgiving alone, I won't have to cook an elaborate meal for a bunch of annoying guests.

Since I no longer have a TV, I won't be subjected to the intolerable Macy's Thanksgiving Parade.

Since I'm now isolated here in the Tennessee wilderness, I won't have to worry about my Texas neighbors throwing another deafeningly loud four-day-marathon Mariachi Thanksgiving drug party. And I won't have 50 screaming kids playing a 12 hour game of football on my front lawn.

Those are definite reasons to be thankful. Got any more?

Yesterday my cousin Nancy gave me a USB computer keyboard for my ailing laptop. Consequently I can actually type freely again without having to worry about the broken "I" key.

I should mention that my friend Linda offered to send me a keyboard, but I didn't want her to go through the trouble.

I'm thankful for kind people.

Way to go, Jon! You've proven that you have a heart and a soul after all!

Actually, I sold my soul to Lucifer during an after-hours reefer party in a back room at the Drake Theater in Hollywood 30 years ago - - but that's another story for another time.

You tend to baffle and bewilder, Jon.

That's only part of my charm.

Now, how about the minuses? What are the things that irk you?

Hey, I'm still wearing my damn happy face. If I ever listed the things that irk me, it would take several weeks, at least, and my three (or is it four) blog readers would perish from boredom.

What will your Thanksgiving be like, Jon?

It should be delightful, since I usually love my own company. There are occasions when I've considered killing the three cats, but this devious inclination tends to subside when my Prozac doses are increased.

You're joking, aren't you?

Yea. I'm still wearing my happy face.

Have you decided what you'll be eating on Thanksgiving?

Holidays and traditions irk the hell out of me. I have a turkey but I'm saving it for future culinary enjoyment.
I'll be eating roast chicken, with wild rice, green beans, cranberries, and rolls. And I just might bake pumpkin bread.

Sounds delicious.

Save the flattery. You're not invited.



No, I was not a passenger on the Mayflower






http://cabinetofcurioustreasures.blogspot.com






26 comments:

  1. That has to be one of the most lucid takes on the Thanksgiving Holiday I've encountered. The day off was appreciated when I worked, but in retirement that main attraction has faded considerably. You do have a workable keyboard to be thankful for --and its source. Some of the nicest people I've ever known have been named Nancy and it sounds like your cousin is consistent with that experience. I enjoy your posts so much that I include you among the things I'm thankful for.

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  2. I don't think I've ever been called "lucid", Geo - - I am very thankful for your kind (and apt) observation. And I'm extremely greatful for those few people who appreciate me. Whatever your plans are for Thanksgiving, I hope you and Norma have a wonderful day.

    My cousin Nancy truly has a heart of gold.

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  3. I'm sure the cats will give you plenty of company when they smell the aroma of roasted chicken (probably more than you want as you are eating) What music will be accompanying your feast?

    Sounds like a very enjoyable day. If you get too nostalgic for the parade, you can probably find it on your computer.

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    1. I always keep the cats away from the dinner table - if not, they'd destroy my meal.
      How about something by Tchaikovsky? It puts me in a wintery mood....

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    2. Then it can only be Piotr's Symphony No. 1 in G minor, 'Winter Daydreams'. There's absolutely nothing that could be more appropriate for you - and I shouldn't be at all surprised to learn that the composer himself was favourably disposed towards the odd 'reefer'.

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    3. Ray, you are right on target. Tchaikovsky's 1st symphony was the exact composition I was thinking of.

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    4. It's a nice, under-appreciated work, Jon. Actually I WAS also going to say "Just like you" but I'd better not. ;-)

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    5. I laughed at that- - I like it (under-appreciated)
      I haven't heard his 1st symphony in a long time.

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  4. the philly parade is older than the macy parade, but just as insufferable.

    you and the cats enjoy your solitude. and YAYZ for a working keyboard!

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    1. I never knew the Philly parade was older than Macy's. Hopefully it's not as boring.

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  5. Good news on the keyboard Jon! I think all holidays are tiresome. When I worked in an office, it was good to get time at home but the fake "we should all be happy and having a wonderful time" drives me up the wall. I'm not a fan of Christmas for that reason. It's very hard on many lonely and elderly people. Whatever you are doing today, enjoy your own company and that of your best feline friends. Happy Thanksgiving.

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    1. I wholeheartedly agree, Craig. Thanks for your input.

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  6. Happy Thanksgiving, Jon. Enjoy that chicken (and solitude)... I'm off to the in-laws.

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    1. Hopefully the in-laws are pleasant. Have a nice time, Angela!

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  7. I'm so glad your keyboard issues are a thing of the past!

    This post made me smile after a particularly-annoying morning spent arguing with our isp-provider's 'help' (HA!) tech support. I know it's a major holiday, but they're not winning any points by having me mediate with Jihadi John's brother in law.

    Actually, I envy your solitude. Maybe that comes from each of us being an 'only' child? ... We're most comfortable in our own skin, and damn the obligatory, artificial camaraderie.

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    1. This blissful selfishness does indeed come from being an only child - I love my solitude.

      I howled with laughter at the "Jihadi John's brother in law" remark - - we definitely think alike, Myra. I only wish others did......
      Have a pleasant Thanksgiving, if possible.

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  8. Happy Thanksgiving Jon! Enjoy your evening at home with the kitties. Solitude is nice, especially when you have to deal with the public everyday. I'm finally taking a break and avoiding all activities associated with crowds. :)

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    1. Solitude is one of the great luxuries in life and I'm glad you're taking a break to enjoy it. I hope your Thanksgiving was a good one.

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  9. I could have written the first few paragraphs myself! I am from TN, but not a wilderness. After this post, I like you even more.

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    1. Sometimes I'm hesitant to write my true feelings for fear of what people will think. I'm delighted to know that you can identify.
      The TN wilderness is beautiful.

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  10. I was happy to spend several days in the beautiful Texas hill country for Thanksgiving. Didn't ever miss the computer.

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    1. The Hill Country is a beautiful part of TX. I'm glad to know you're not addicted to the computer! Unfortunately, I think I am.....

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