Wednesday, December 30, 2015

MUSIC ALBUMS FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE

My recent post Christmas Music to Treasure was so inspiring that I decided do a sequel. I dug around in the putrid bowels of the record archives and found some albums that are certain to enhance your New Year celebrations. Especially if you're soused.

Be forewarned that some of my comments are caustic and cruel. Crudeness is one of the few traits I inherited from my father that I'm proud of.

By the way - if you don't know what a record album is, you're too damn young to be reading this blog. 


 The last time I heard that sentiment, it was from a male hustler on Santa Monica Blvd.


.....and when it leaves, some of your kids will be missing....



What's next??
Elephant shit and a terminated recording contract.



Dick has an extra long.....accordion...for the ladies (note: no sexual connotations are intended).



Don't sweat it - some of them are only pretending


...and flattened the top of my head


Call a tow truck!
Cajka crushed the car!

Look at the bright side - he'll never have to worry about getting old and losing his looks.

I did, too, until I saw your album cover



Only in your dreams, sister
OR
I smell a lawsuit


It's not from God - - it's from your parole officer 

...to kill my hairdresser

 The wardrobe malfunction is the least of his problems. There's a can of Campbell's Soup wedged in his crotch.

.....and in the closet 


Jesus loves me.....
Only when you're not singing, Marcy


 when hell freezes over


Woofy-Woof, sweetums!



 
Pssst, Gunther!

the sunshine girls just left through the back exit!

By the way, Gunt - you should lose the John Waters mustache.




Kinda makes Gunther look good, doesn't it?
 


...and you did - - shortly after the release of this album 

Honey, climax won't be shining anywhere near you......

trees talk.....
And we can only
 hope they will be silenced soon by a roving band of demented lumberjacks

 It's too late

28 comments:

  1. I'm reading this post at 9.00am and you've already made my day! Well done on some great finds Jon!

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    1. Thanks, Craig! It isn't often that I make someone's day

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  2. OMB, I need a puppy pee pad! I pissed myself. at 6:30a. nightmares look like this collection of crap. but the snark is FABU!

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    1. AM - I previously made you spit coffee on your computer screen, and now I've made you pee. I'd call that success.

      I love making up these captions. I should get paid for doing it.

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  3. You have the wildest collection

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    1. I have so many that it was difficult to choose.

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  4. Good stuff...but Wayne Cochran was a legit musician back in the day, and appeared on many national TV shows in the 60s and 70s, and had a popular big band in Miami, called the 'C.C. Riders.'

    "Wayne Cochran, the man, the legend, the hair."

    :-)

    -Andy

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    1. I've heard of Cochran but hardly knew anything about him. The HAIR really got my attention.......in a bad way.

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  5. Humm a lot of interesting "stuff" here.

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    Replies
    1. It was probably too smutty - but I couldn't resist.

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  6. Jon,
    That is hilarious! My face hurts from smiling now. Great! And hey, I remember Dick Contino. He certainly did have a Big One (accordion when stretched out) didn't he?
    Ron

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    1. It isn't often that I make so many people laugh (not intentionally, anyway). I'm glad you enjoyed it, Ron. I've never heard of Big Dick, or his accordion, but I do remember when accordions were soooo popular.

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    2. dick (heh heh heh) contino was in an MST3K movie: "daddy-o".

      suck-o (the movie, not the MST3K cast riffs).

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    3. I just Googled the Big Dick. He's still with us and will be 86 in January.

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    4. OMB, REALLY? I figured the big dick would be l-o-n-g gone by now. interesting!

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    5. oh yeah, you can watch the MST3K "daddy-o" on youtube (if you can stand the movie "acting").

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  7. Jon, you made me laugh aloud with this one with your great captions and selections! I'll confine comment to Ms. Gruebbersolvik's L.P. Not only is she lovely but has managed to include most of the alphabet in her name.

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    1. Geo, its always a pleasure to make people laugh (even if it's at the expense of others). I always have fun making up the captions.

      Gruebbersolvik's name is indeed a mouthful (no pun intended). I'm sure the humor in her album cover was completely unintentional. Something was lost in the translation.

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    2. wonder how many points for a scrabble double or triple word score...

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  8. Jon,

    Man, and some people think I have some weird old records.

    Larry

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  9. It's almost impossible to believe that these are real albums. Fact is truly stranger than fiction.

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  10. I'm especially amused by the 'besotted' ladies behind Contino. Surely, their expressions are Oscar-worthy.

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    1. It's been a very long time since anybody was enthralled by accordion music.
      ......thank God.....

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  11. Oh geez! Dying laughing here! And, your captions are hilarious. I don't know where you find these but I'm glad you did to entertain your readers. Thanks for the post Jon! :)

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    1. I never realized that there were so MANY incredibly bad album covers. I really enjoy making fun of them!
      Glad that you appreciate my humor...

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  12. This made me chortle
    Happy New year old bean , hoping 2016 will be a cracker xxxxxxx

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    1. Delighted to make you chortle, John, and have a wonderful new year. I hope the rain has stopped in your neck of the woods.

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