Tuesday, January 5, 2016

TALKING TO MYSELF

 
Why?
Because I'm the only one here. I'm a good listener. And I can often empathize with myself. Well, fairly often, anyway.

Did I make any New Year resolutions this time around?
Nope, and let me explain why:
I'm the only person I know who can actually break the resolutions as I'm writing them. Example:

1. I will abstain from cursing in 2016.
Aw, shit! My #!!!**%!! pen is running out of ink!

Yesterday I exhausted my repertoire of foul language when I accidentally knocked over a nearly-full can of Coke and it saturated my laptop and new keyboard. Try cleaning that up without cursing.

This annoyingly cold weather is making me lethargic and irritable to live with. I'm at the point where I can't tolerate myself, and that's nearly an impossibility. I stayed up 'till dawn last night, making sure the water pipes didn't freeze like they did last year.
This is an incredibly cold house. Sometimes I can actually see my breath coming out in white puffs. Indoors.

I have unwholesome visions of freezing to death - and when I thaw out the cats will gleefully eat me.

Bosco always sleeps on my bed and lately he snuggles up close under the covers. He's kind of like a purring hot water bottle.

Speaking of cats, I have yet another incredible cat story.
I was trying to pull my boots on this morning and something obstructed my foot from going in. Something was in the bottom of one boot.

I immediately knew it was the handiwork of one of the cats - most assuredly Scruffy.

I immediately feared the worst. Something dead. A mouse? Nope, too big. It was heavy like a rock.

I emptied the boot and out rolled a potato! I kid you not. How the hell did a cat get a potato into a boot?

I had a small open bag of potatoes on the kitchen counter. I had left my boots on the floor, not too far away. Anything is possible with felines.

I suppose a potato in a boot is preferable to a dead mouse in my bed - which they've done before.




Incidentally, these were the beautiful new boots that I completely ruined when I went over the cliff in Arkansas and was up to my hips in mud on a rainy night. I put that old post on my blog sidebar, in case anyone is interested - which I doubt.

Blog sidebars?
I'm tempted to eliminate all the crap on mine but I'm too lazy. I'd especially like to get rid of the "Followers" thingie, which is ridiculous. To have "followers" makes my blog sound like a cult and makes me feel like Rasputin.

I used to have lots of followers on my old blog. Ever since I started this "new" blog my readership dropped drastically. I only attract a few random lurkers, and a very few faithful readers who truly appreciate my humble literary efforts and annoyingly enigmatic personality. They have incredibly good taste.

I'm drinking some beer while writing this post. I very seldom drink anymore - mainly because alcohol is hard to get in these Baptist-infested wilds of Tennessee. In Texas I was drunk all the time.

This one-sided conversation is getting too long.


 


29 comments:

  1. "...a very few faithful readers who truly appreciate my humble literary efforts and annoyingly enigmatic personality. They have incredibly good taste." - or I'm just stupid enough...don't answer that, jon!

    one of the cats got up on the counter and rolled the potato into your boot; give that cat a "potato in one"!

    sounds like the house has no insulation, you need booze, and a warm pussycat to snuggle.

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    1. Aw, heck, AM - - you have incredibly good taste. I never doubted that.

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    2. don't be too sure of that, jon...

      ;-b

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  2. Happy New Year!!! We were in the mountains of Tennessee again to see in the new year. I thought the weather was glorious. In fact, I kept stepping outside to cool down, because our friends kept a blazing fire in the fireplace just about the whole time we were there. We did see a couple snowflakes yesterday morning before we left there to come home, and now it's finally turned cold here. Or about as cold as it gets, anyway. Feels great. Especially when there's flannel sheets on the bed. (If you don't already have them, you should treat yourself to some!)

    Isn't it amazing the things cats can manage to transport? Ours have stolen quite a few things, and delivered quite a few interesting gifts, but never a potato. If they could figure out how to open the cans, I'm sure they'd steal the tuna, though.

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    1. Happy New Year, Susan! The cold weather didn't start here until around New Year's Eve. Yesterday the daytime "high" was around 25. No snow - - yet.

      Cats never fail to be amazing. When Scratch was a kitten she got a wristwatch and put it in her water dish!

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  3. I got troubles too! Firefox has declared Google a "dangerous site" on my computer. I was only gone from the house 2 hours and came back to that. Finally accessed my dashboard through a roundabout course that I don't understand. I have Internet Explorer but it freezes up after about a half hour. Ran scans which detected nothing amiss. Will now check for a potato in my boot and I don't even have a cat. I don't get this frustrated very often --don't look at me! Oh hell, I'll figure it out. And thanks for being there --you're the only person I know with whom I can include potatoes and laptops in the same complaint. Time for my beer, I think.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. It's ironic that you mentioned Internet Explorer, because I have the exact same problem - - it freezes up within half an hour every time I use it. I haven't found any plausible solution yet. Some say that the freeze is caused by "add-ons" on your computer. I've heard a LOT of negative opinions about Internet Explorer.

      I use Firefox, and it hasn't(yet) declared Google a dangerous site. I have an incredible amount of computer grievances - especially with accessing my email on AOL. I used to use Google Chrome but had some problems with that, too.

      I don't understand anything about computer technology. Potatoes in boots are much more simple.

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    2. I have firefox also and use it with my verizon FIOS. no problems encountered. and I don't understand much about the inner workings of a computer either. I sit down, I turn it on, and it works.

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  4. On a different note, those boots.....they are exact doubles of the Acme boots I bought at Moore's shoes and togs in Bend Oregon in 1969. I used to hide easter eggs in it for oldest daughter to find, until sometime around '80 or so, along with other places.

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    1. I got these boots from a Drysdales catalog, but they looked entirely different when they were new. They are completely ravaged from mud and wear.
      I never thought of hiding Easter eggs in boots!

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  5. I always look forward to your post. And don't mention drinking and blogging handsome....I ruined my last two laptops by dropping a gin and tonic on the keyboard. The one time I was able to drain it and let it dry. Of course I was draining it into my mouth. And those are some serious kick ass boots!!!!

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    1. I'm much rather clean up gin & tonics than Coke. And I love to kick ass with my boots.......

      (drinking and blogging is worse than drinking and driving)

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  6. Always enjoy your cat stories but a potato in a boot is a new one on me.

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    1. The potato was a HUGE surprise - - I'll never know how Scruffy managed to do that trick.

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  7. Yes, I/we do have good taste. :)))
    After a long (nearly worthless) day, I appreciate your tongue-in-cheek remarks that make me chuckle.

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    1. I need all the appreciation I can get - - and I'm always delighted when my tongue-in-cheek remarks can induce chuckles.

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  8. Okay, you scared me until you said it was a potato! I don't think I could handle finding a dead mouse in my shoe. LOL. I do enjoy the kitty stories though. You may live alone with your kitties but you never have a dull moment. :)

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    1. My trio of cats always provide more entertainment than a three ring circus. The only thing I don't appreciate are the gifts of dead mice.

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  9. I'm here Jon and always enjoy your posts. I suspect that Scruffy has a secret thing for mashed potatoes and the cunning plan was for you to put the boot on and, voila, instant mashed potatoes! You need to teach Scruffy to cook the potato first! As for browsers - I have good luck with Chrome and like the way it works. I always hated IE.

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    1. Thanks, Craig. I'm certainly glad I discovered the potato before I mashed it.
      I never liked Internet Explorer, but it seems to be getting even worse.....

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  10. My Blackso is also a purring hot water bottle, though the feeling is reciprocated by him even more, in that he lies across one of my arms, thus making my position-changing well nigh impossible, as well as investing me with a feeling of guilt should I dare disturb him.

    A cold house? How well I remember that situation. In fact we lived in a house with no heating at all until we moved when I was in my mid-20s but we accepted it because we didn't know of anything else. Our sole source of house heat was when a fire was lit in the living room late in the day. And I only too well remember ones breath condensing. Could never go back to that situation now. However, our Winters were and are nothing like the Arctic temps that you can experience, so you do have all my sympathy. Just remember your number one priority; whatever you do, don't let the pussycats get too cold.

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    1. I think cat owners are masochists. There are times when I'm almost crippled from having cats sleep on my legs and/or feet.

      My Texas house was extremely cold in the winter because it had no insulation (but at least it had a fireplace). Unfortunately, my present house has no insulation, either. It has a good heater, but it's expensive to use it excessively.
      I always try to keep the kitties warm and covered at night.

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    2. Btw: You'll have heard yesterday's news about the demise of the very recently discussed Monsieur Boulez? Just so you know, I had nothing at all to do with it.

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  11. Absolutely love the potato in the boot! ;)

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    1. Thank you, Rita. My cats have done strange things in the past, but this is definitely a first.

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  12. I may have a solution to your freezing pipes problem. I've been told that if you let one of your faucets trickle just a bit of water that it will keep your pipes from freezing. I'm guessing the constant motion is what helps. If you feel brave enough to crawl under your house again you could insulate them with the foam tubing made for that purpose.

    Aren't there any stills located in those hills where you live? Maybe a new pastime for you...

    I've been so lethargic that my Christmas decorations are still up. I remember when I was young and would have them all put away by New Year's Day. At least my trees are artificial so won't be dropping needles everywhere.

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    1. I do keep all the faucets trickling overnight and - so far - it helps (knock wood).
      I did cover some of the pipes under the house, but it's such an intricate network of pipes (all different sizes) that covering them all is an impossibility. I honestly didn't think TN would get this consistently cold in the winter.

      I've seriously thought about a still - - this would be the perfect place to have one.....

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