Saturday, April 2, 2016

BEHIND THE WHEEL



Perhaps I was more suited to drive a team of horses?
(age 13, at Culver Studios)

It's pathetically ironic that I'm afraid to navigate these winding Tennessee mountain roads on my excursions into town. I was raised in Southern California and lived there for thirty years. I thought nothing of piloting the endlessly sprawling, hopelessly intricate network of bumper to bumper freeways.

Of course, I was younger then......and naively fearless.....and breathtakingly reckless.

When I first started driving I was living with my parents in Anaheim (near Disneyland). It was routine for me to drive 40 miles to Riverside for my music lessons, or 30 miles to Hollywood for stints as a movie extra, or 25 miles to Pomona to visit old friends. Distance was all part of the game.

And the freeways? I was a frequent traveler on most of them: the Santa Ana Freeway (5), the Orange Freeway (57), the Garden Grove Freeway - - and of course the Riverside (91), Hollywood (101), Santa Monica, Pomona, Ventura, San Bernadino, Harbor, and Pasadena Freeways - - not to mention the 405 and the 605.....it was simply a way of life.

 Freeways in L.A.

When it came to driving, I was a late bloomer. All my friends were getting their Learner's Permits when they were sixteen. My gut instinct told me I wasn't ready to drive at sixteen. I procrastinated for well over another year before I got behind the wheel.

The wheel I got behind was a 1962 Ford Falcon - Desert Tan, with bucket seats. My parents bought it when I was a small kid. 

 Our new Ford Falcon
Mom and I are standing on the left
 

My father initially tried to teach me to drive. This endeavor was destined to be a disaster. Our personalities not only clashed, he was ruthlessly critical and psychotically impatient. Things came to a head on Beach Boulevard - one of the most hectic streets in Orange County. 
He started shouting at me about all the things I was doing wrong.

I stopped the car in the middle of the street, got out, and said "You drive!"
Then I walked home. 
I regret my act of childishness to this day.

My mother - who had the patience of several saints - was my next driving instructor. Instead of utilizing the insanely busy streets of Anaheim, we went to the old, abandoned Riverside Freeway (which ran alongside of the newly constructed Riverside Freeway). It was a perfect place to learn driving skills. 


My Mother
by the Falcon in which she taught me to drive

I flunked my first driving test. The minute I saw my instructor I knew it was inevitable. She looked like Jane Hathaway from the Beverly Hillbillies, only a lot more Butch. And she was utterly humorless.

The car stalled two times before we even got out of the parking lot, and I could tell by the impatient way she was writing on her clipboard that things weren't going to be in my favor. 

Ford Falcons were notorious for stalling - no matter how adept the driver was. The Ford stalled for my father. It stalled for my mother. And now it was making a fool out of me, in front of my juror, at a most inopportune time.

"This car always stalls", I tried to explain. "It's part of the Henry Ford experience."

She wasn't remotely amused. 

I managed to get onto the main street and began clipping it off at a pretty good speed. We cruised along for several minutes in blissful silence, and I thought I was doing reasonably well.

Suddenly - and completely without warning - she said "Turn left!"

I instinctively hit the breaks and turned so quickly and sharply that my companion was ejected from her seat (this was in the era before seat belts were required). 

She emitted an unearthly Gasp! while dropping to the floor and clutching the dashboard for support. I'd never before seen such a genuine look of surprise on anyone's face.

After readjusting her thick glasses and  retrieving the clipboard, she began scribbling furiously. I knew she was signing my Death Warrant.

After grimly (yet somewhat gleefully) announcing that I failed the test, she icily told me that I should always keep both hands on the steering wheel when driving.

I went home with my proverbial tail between my legs, but also with a staunch determination to succeed. Within two weeks I was ready to try again. This time my evaluator was an old man (at least he seemed old to me).
Fortunately his personality was more amicable than Miss Frigidity had been.

I passed the driving test. And, I suppose, the rest is history.  
 

34 comments:

  1. What a n entertaining regale and what wonderful pictures! I just adore your mother's flip! I would swear we had the same father, although mine wasn't quite to the point of yours, more Archie Bunker mine was. My father and mother took me out for one lesson each, before I got a lesbian instructor. She was swell and I passed the test the first time. I still wonder how, since everybody says I drive like Cruella Deville. Horses probably do suit you....maybe you can ride side saddle into to town?

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    1. Riding side saddle would definitely be the best way for me to go into town. Only it would take about a month to get there. And I'd be shot by homophobic hillbillies along the way.

      My Mom always had a lot of wonderfully different hairstyles... and she was probably the Queen of the 60's flip....

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  2. Your description of Ms. Hathaway's wild ride is delicious!

    Wisely, my parents had me take Drivers Education in high school. Then, my own juror was mostly disinterested; and in fact, never asked me to parallel park. A coworker of my mother, I think he harbored a crush on her so the possibility of my passing (or not) was never a consideration.

    My younger g'daughter is 18 now, and still uninterested in learning to drive or getting her permit, which I think is odd. That is, until I read this post.

    That image of LA's freeways is stuff from which my nightmares are born!

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    1. I still laugh every time I think of that driving test incident. My quick turn literally knocked her out of the seat - it was like a cartoon.

      Strangely enough, driving wasn't one of my priorities when I was in high school. But at that time we lived in a small rural town (Corona) and I think only about three kids in school had cars. When we moved to Anaheim it was different. Driving was an absolute necessity.

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  3. BUT can you parallel park? I still don't do too well at it. The first time I didn't know how to drive. lol the second time I knew how to do everything but parallel park so he passed me and told me to practice.

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    1. Parallel parking was initially a requirement for a California driving test - - but by the time I took my test, it had been eliminated.
      I'm always greatful for that. If it had been required, I would have NEVER passed.

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  4. Sounds like my driving experience with my father. And we had a 1964 Falcon. It was a pushbutton transmission. Made it crazier still. I never got my license until I got married and was pregnant. Glad you finally got yours.

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    1. I don't think I've ever seen a pushbutton transmission. I have never been an advocate of young drivers. I think the age should be at least 20.

      The scariest drivers I've ever seen are in Oklahoma, and some of them look like they're 12.

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  5. You've sent a geezer into reverie. Honda motorcycle at 15&1/5 --all you needed was a learner's permit. Then Mom's Tank, '63 Chevy Impala when I was 16. Drive-in movies --The Ten Commandments (Charlton Heston), believe I broke several-- then moving out and finding a gallon of gas, loaf of bread and pack of cigarettes all cost the same, 19 cents. Budget planning got very easy but the car had to go. Later the economy went all cattywampus and I switched to a pipe and bought a '52 Dodge 3/4 ton pickup, moved Norma and me to college like something out of Grapes Of Wrath. Now it's 46 years later and we're still building on that. What was the question again? I loved your post!

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    1. P.S.: That picture labeled "Freeways in L.A." Was that an aerial photo or one taken over the rail of a higher ramp?

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    2. It must have been an aerial photo, Geo. And it must have been taken on an early Sunday morning, because there's no traffic!

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    3. I'm always delighted to take people down Memory Lane. I remember always putting about two dollars of gas in the Falcon. Wow! Those were the days! Back then cigarettes were 50 cents a pack.

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  6. Jon,

    Ah yes, the driving test and you'll be happy to know I flunked the first time, too; although I did not batter my judge in the process. He was quite the stern State Policeman, which did do anything to quiet my 16 year old nerves. I did pass on my second attempt and then immediately smash the car up. You mentioned my honesty in your comment. Yeah, I have probably always been too honest and sometimes it has gotten me into trouble. I promised myself if I wrote my life story I'd be honest in the telling even where embarrassed.

    Larry

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    1. I would have been REALLY nervous if my driving test was given by a state policeman.
      I am a lot more open now about what I reveal than I used to be. But - as you said - it can occasionally get oneself into trouble.....
      I applaud you for telling all.

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  7. I don't find driving most places as bad as it used to be now that we all have satnavs. I do remember once having to drive from Westlake Village to Burbank, which probably seems a very simple concept for you. But not knowing any of the freeways, I needed to plan the trip in advance and write out the various intersections, which I also tried to remember. I was always aware that I might drive off some ramp and end up in some truly scary bit of town.
    I think I'd find the wilds of Tennessee difficult for other reasons - the state of the roads might not be that great, and they're probably lonely. So if there IS an axe murderer waiting out there for a lonely driver passing by - (fill in your own Stephen King scenario....)

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    1. If I was visiting Los Angeles for the first time, I'd definitely be too terrified to drive there.
      Since I was raised there, it all seemed completely "normal" to me. I only got lost once in 30 years. I (somehow) accidentally took the Pasadena Freeway when, in fact, I was trying to get to Santa Ana.

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  8. Yes, I too flunked the driving test hitting sixteen concrete doughnuts pulling out of the Highway Patrol Office parking lot. My mom's 1960 Chrysler New Yorker had to have a front end alignment the following day.
    I love mountain roads and have done 'fun' rallies in NC,TN, and Va. You just have to be careful of the Touge racers. I hear there is a Touge Society there at present.

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    1. Hitting sixteen concrete doughnuts sounds hilarious, but I'm sure it wasn't a laughing matter at the time!
      I've never yet seen any Touge racers here - - but then I'm not out on the roads very often.

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  9. Jon,
    Great story! You have given me an excuse to post my own learning to drive experience. As you know, I have recently experienced driving (as a passenger) the Santa Monica Freeway and other roads in an around Los Angeles. Pat was driving. He started to drive at 14 years old and has all that great experience of driving in Toronto. In fact I just got off of FaceTime with him while he was driving in his car (Fiat). I got a good laugh out of your description of your first driving tester. "More butch than Miss Hathaway?" I can't imagine.
    Great story Jon. That's why I love your blog.
    Ron

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    1. It would be interesting to hear about your learning to drive experiences. In retrospect they always seem humorous - but they certainly weren't at the time.

      I certainly applaud Pat for driving in L.A. It's not for the faint of heart. I suppose battling the Toronto traffic is good preparation for L.A.

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    2. Jon,
      Toronto traffic is like a slow lava flow. About the only difference between Toronto traffic and LA traffic (the freeways) is the number of lanes. Plus, the LA drivers seem to be more aggressive (fast).
      Surprise of all surprises, I passed my first driver's test! Not that I could drive a stick shift (still can't). I took my driver's test with a stick shift and actually passed. I had a good tester though. And I was lucky, as I have been for most of my life.
      Ron

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  10. When a person grows up on roads that are always and flat then moves where they are winding and on hills, it is a shock to their nervous system. One day I was following my friends husband going through the Great Smokies, he thought he would scare me but I said "I grew up in Pennsylvania" I really was not worried...

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    1. You're right about that! Everything was flat in California and in Texas. I was completely unprepared for the roller coaster roads here in TN.

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  11. This photo looks so much better with the color corrected, why don't you do that?

    https://www.dropbox.com/s/7ljua40r66rgmkz/Desert%20Tan%20Falcon.jpg?dl=0

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    1. De vez en cuando recibo un comentario que me intriga. Estas hablando en serio o es una broma?

      It's an old Poloroid photo and the colors are faded. I'm merely a humble blogger, I'm not Walt Disney.

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    2. With the programs that come with most digital cameras, it’s a simple one-button push to fix the color on an old faded photo. That’s what I did. You could too.

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    3. My dgital camera (unfortunately) is really old and doesn't have that feature - but there are a lot of photo-editing places to do this on line.

      Sorry for the Spanish on my reply - - I initially thought you were someone else (it's a long story.....)

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  12. I failed my first driving test too!! And I knew how to drive. I had a cute guy on my first test, I think I was distracted by him. On the second test I also had a lesbian. I passed it!!
    I love the pic of your mother!!! She has an elegant look!!

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  13. I wish there had been a cute guy when I took my first driving test. Perhaps I could have charmed him into letting me pass.....(*smile*)

    My mother always seemed to be quite elegant. She never purposefully tried - it just came naturally.

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  14. I learned to drive in a summer class at my local public high school (I was sent to a fucking CATHOLIC school). the car was a 1971 chevy impala, a fucking huge long BOAT OF STEEL. I passed first time. then my parents bought me a ford pinto; they had a death wish for me.

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  15. You survived a Catholic school AND a Ford Pinto?? I'd call that a Big Success!

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  16. When I go to Las Vegas I am always slightly unnerved by the speed of in city traffic. I feel better now that I have a larger vehicle. When I drove my small car in town I felt like I was Frankenstein in "Death Race 2000". If you haven't seen the movie, don't bother. I lived in LA for several years and drove the Harbor freeway into town from the mid cities for several years.I think it aged me 10 years. It was my first clue that I was not destined for civilization. Give me a nice small desert town. My town has 3 traffic lights! I can barely handle those anymore.

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    1. The older I get (and I'm not really old) the more I hate to drive. The town I live near is small and rural - but it's still too big for me.....

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  17. lol at least you are out of Texas. I never went for a license, had five permits to try to learn - my boyfriends Mom refused to let him yeah me how on his car (thank God I did not marry him). My Dad worked shifts, I was still in school then when I married Joe he tried and let's just say I put a Volkswagon Van in reverse, did something else stupid and kept spin around and around - that was the last time Joe tried to teach me. I guess he figured that way I wouldn't kill myself or someone else. I've alway been big on taxi's..lol

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