Sunday, April 24, 2016

MOONLIGHT MADNESS




The moon is full, or almost full, or just past being full. I used to know all the progressions of the lunar phases during my astronomical phase. Lately I'm in my "know nothing" phase.

One thing that's common knowledge: weird things happen during the spell of a full moon. When I lived in the city, the full moon yielded a marked increase in robberies, murders, and other unpleasant incidents involving unhinged individuals.

Here in the Tennessee mountain wilderness, the night of the full moon seems to inspire increased activity in the nocturnal residents of the forest: more bands of marauding coyotes and roving packs of wild dogs. Some of them (coyotes? dogs?) were howling unnervingly close to my bedroom window late last night. Owls in flight were screeching and hooting with unusual enthusiasm. I even heard squealing bats.

I'm very used to the sounds of nature at night, but last night the surplus of sounds was almost alarming. Even my trio of cats displayed unusual degrees of nervousness.



Early this evening, just after moonrise, I was sitting at the kitchen table in the company of this laptop. I suddenly hear very loud slurping sounds coming from outside near the back porch.

My cat Scratch happened to be outside (against my better judgement - but she's persistent). Scratch doesn't slurp and is never loud. This slurping sound was mega. I figured it was either a leaking pipe.....or a stegosaurus. And I wasn't in the mood to deal with either.

I reluctantly got up and looked out the kitchen window. There by the porch was the biggest dog I ever saw, drinking from a bucket of rain water. This canine was startlingly big. Ringling Bros. Barnum and Bailey big. It looked like a cross between a great dane and an Appaloosa horse.

My first concern was my cat Scratch - who could very possibly have already been eaten. The rainwater might be serving as a chaser to wash her down. 

The dog saw me through the window and started to growl. Not a good sign. I'm an innocent entity out here in Nowhereland. Animal Control wouldn't come if I reported a herd of buffalo.

Worst of all, I have a huge uncovered kitchen window - just two feet above the floor - with only a thin sheet of glass separating me from the forest. The dog can see every inch of me. If he jumped through the glass I'd be history.

All of my cats enjoy sitting on a wooden box and looking out the kitchen window. If they were there now, they'd be instant targets for the dog. I quickly locked Scruffy and Bosco in a bedroom.

I seldom panic easily, but my heart was pounding at the bizarre thought that the dog might never leave. What if he decides to take up permanent residence here?
And where the hell is Scratch? Hopefully in a tree - - and not mincemeat stuck between Rover's teeth..

Is this story getting too long? I'm enjoying writing it, and I know you're enjoying reading it - -  even you miserable critics who hate my blog.

The monster dog hung around for at least an hour. I couldn't do anything but wait it out. Finally I didn't see him. I opened the back door a crack and called "Kitzee!" (that's what Scratch answers to). In half a minute, Scratch appeared and darted in the door faster than I ever saw the old gal go. She was in one piece and still had her tail.

I breathed a Big Sigh of relief (capitalized for emphasis). I haven't seen the dog since.

I blame the full moon for the bizarre incident. I'm keeping the cats indoors.

I'm suddenly starting to feel unusually hairy...and realized that I haven't shaved in days. A beard is growing. My chest hair seems to be thickening.

Hirtsuism?
Impending lycanthropy?? 

Who the hell knows. I feel like howling.


All the moon photos were taken in my back yard a few nights ago.

20 comments:

  1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhSc8qVMjKM

    I'mma leave that right there.

    I would have pissed my pants seeing that big dog!

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    1. The video is hilarious and most appropriate - I've never seen it before. That strutting lycanthrope at the end is a hoot.

      Spell Check says I spelled "lycanthrope" wrong. I say SHIT!

      Delete
  2. Jon,

    Where'd the Hound of the Baskervilles go anyway? Tennessee? Good old full moons. Yes, the beasts here tend to go a bit crazy during the moon cycles. When you shave be sure to check yourself for pentagrams. Don't wanna take any chances.

    Larry

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    1. I should have checked that big dog for pentagrams but I was too chicken.

      Delete
  3. What a scary encounter! The growling is the part that causes most concern. We've had dog problems here before and Norma made us all carry pepper spray outside. Never had to use it, nor am I certain it would deter a big dog, but we felt a bit more secure. Be Careful, Jon!

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    1. The growling definitely had me worried. And the fact that he initially wouldn't go away. I'm not sure if I'd be able to deter a dog with pepper spray. The dog would probably wind up taking it and spraying me!

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  4. I love your pictures! I have tried to take pictures of the a full moon, but its hard to take a picture of your own ass. Lol. But seriously they are good. When I take them, they never seem to come out. Thank god the dog left....it could have been Cujo....the Curse Continues.

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    1. my spouse says I should volunteer my services as your "official ass photographer". payment will be accepted in bluecoat gin and tea biscuits only!

      Delete
    2. This is the first time I was ever able to take fairly decent pics of the moon. Usually they turn out really crappy (of course, I have a crappy camera).

      I took these photos right after sunset - when there was still some light, and I used the flash (which usually ruins it).

      (he could have been Cujo....I knew he wasn't Lassie....)

      Delete
  5. LOVE a full moon and all the residual effects that come with it. GREAT photos. Glad Scratch was able to get back the indoors before being devoured. No doubt about it, the dog was an omen.

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    1. I'm definitely a full-moon type person. There is something extremely intriguing and magical about the moon and the lure of the night. The nocturnal hours have obsessed me my entire life.

      I hope it's a GOOD omen....

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  6. Until I fully digested (no pun intended) your description of the uncovered kitchen window, I presumed you were safe behind closed doors. I wonder if it's not feasible to erect a sturdier barricade?

    My DIL is a social worker for the State of Alabama and has witnessed first-hand the effects of a full moon on her 'clients.' They're not permitted to carry weapons, but like my sons says - better to be judged by a jury of one's peers than risk the alternative.

    Do whatever it takes to stay safe, please!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I hate curtains, and this particular window needs odd-sized shades. I'm going to eventually change the brackets and put up new Venetian blinds.

      I've never previously had any trouble with wild animals by the window (although the coyotes come pretty close). The dog was so big and intimidating that I really was afraid he might crash through the glass.

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  7. We have a giant dog living behind a privacy fence in back of John's house. He has found a way to get on top of something to look over the fence. Glad your cat was okay. I just spent a few days in Mico, Texas with a friend. We sat in the dark to watch fireflies and look for deer eyes.

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  8. I hope that giant dog is a friendly one! I saw some fireflies here a few nights ago but haven't seen any since. The nights are still quite cool here.

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  9. Hmmmmm, maybe that was a supernatural dog, your Other Self staring at you through the thin pane of glass...
    well you are the one who put that idea in my mind! [howl]

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    1. I have many "other selves" but hopefully none of them is a growling dog. I do tend to howl now and then, however.....

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    2. Come to think of it, I've also been known to growl on occasion (!!).

      Delete
  10. I would have been very scared for the cat, too. Yup--I'd keep them inside whether they like it or not. ;)

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  11. I definitely prefer to keep my kitties exclusively indoors. Recently I've been letting them out for exercise and fresh air. Fortunately, the novelty of going outside seems to be wearing off for them.
    And ever since the dog incident, Scratch doesn't like going out (she used to be the most enthusiastic about going out).

    ReplyDelete

I love comments. Go ahead and leave one - I won't bite. But make sure you have a rabies shot just in case.