Tuesday, May 17, 2016

IN THE WAKE OF THE BIG YELLOW BRATMOBILE





I had lunch in town with my cousin yesterday. It was an extremely pleasant diversion, during which we exchanged horror stories about our present personal lives. It initially seemed to be a drawn, but soon it became clear that Nancy was the winner. She is a saint - far too good to everyone. And goodness will get you nowhere. Especially with the eternally ungrateful.

Enough said.

I'm on my way home from town. Piloting those perilously narrow, endlessly winding mountain roads that scare the living jeeters out of me.

SUDDENLY.....
as I'm maneuvering a particularly dangerous curve, a HUGE bright yellow school bus with glowing headlights appears, at breakneck speed, in my lane, headed directly for me!


 
I'm ascending. The bus is descending. It's a very narrow two-lane road. There's nowhere for me to go, except over a cliff.

I swerve sharply toward the cliff. The bus sort of swerves - grazing the side of the mountain. 
Somehow, we manage not to collide.

The bus bounds down the twisting road, leaving me in a cloud of fume-enhanced dust and in a state of  heart-flipping anxiety.

Why was the bastard driving so frickin' fast? Did he (she) have no regard for the safety of the parcel of brats he (she) was carrying?

The school buses always go insanely fast on these wicked mountain roads. On one previous occasion, a bus was tailing me so close that I had to pull aside to let the bastard go. In the winter, these Bratmobiles fairly race along the icy roads.

Big Question:
are the parents of these rugrats aware of the reckless bus drivers who are transporting their precious pint-sized cargo?
I think not.

Time to write an editorial for the local newspaper, Jon. 

I didn't want to waste an entire blog post about this crap, but it looks like I did. Fortunately, no matter what I write, I'm always extremely interesting.

(I just threw that in to antagonize my critics) 

For further antagonization (I just made that word up - - screw Spell Check) here are a few recent photos taken in my back yard.

Everything is intensely green from the ceaseless rain. Yes, it is still raining with no discernible end in sight. 

Cold nights. Two nights ago it got down to 35 degrees (that's Fahrenheit, for those of you in the Hebrides). Bosco slept under the covers with me (Bosco is a cat - for those of you unfamiliar with my blog).

The header photo is the meadow adjacent to my property, taken a few weeks ago. It's now so obscured by a screen of leaves that I have to crawl through a jungle to see it.




Glimpses of my back yard




 
 A cardinal. I've been trying to get photos of the magnificent hawks that reside near here, but so far they've been evasive.
 

28 comments:

  1. Glad to hear you had some quality cousin time, but that drive home sounds harrowing. A word to the school district transportation office --giving time and location if you weren't able to catch the bus number-- should put them on alert. And yes, a letter to the local newspaper should do the trick. Beyond that, I imagine the school's insurance provider might want to recalculate premiums. I love the photos of your yard!

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    1. The bus was going too fast to get a number, but the incident should (and will) be brought to public attention. I've seen too many careless school bus drivers here on these dangerous roads.

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  2. Glad the close call left everybody's lives intact. Your yard is wonderfully lush and inviting. Enjoy the view.

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    1. It's really alarming to see such carelessness in school bus drivers. There seems to be a total lack of standards nowadays.
      I never get tired of the views around here.

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  3. That cardinal is such a vivid red. It made me think about the birds around here. They are all pretty dull. Robins are about as colorful as we get.

    I second notifying the transportation office. I bet the problem is that the bus drivers are trying to meet a scheduling deadline so the parents don't complain when their little darlings are late arriving/departing.

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    1. There are a wide variety of birds here. I can sure hear them, but they usually linger in the forest trees where they can't easily be seen. I love to hear the owls at night.

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  4. The leaves here are somewhere between the first and third pictures of your bucolic paradise (I know, I know, the bugs don't show). If the forecast holds we'll catch up over the weekend. It's one of my favourite times; the change in the woods is stunning.

    Your land looks a place where the feet touch the ground nicely. A hard life in some ways, your aloneness in the mountains, but so many rewards, satisfactions known only to you.

    Just mind those buses when you're returning from the messes, er... masses.

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    1. If all of the bugs showed up at once, you wouldn't be able to see the trees. I lived in seasonless California and Texas for so long, that it's a genuine pleasure to experience the change of seasons.

      My feet are slowly getting accustomed to the slopes and slides of the terrain, but I've fallen a few times on the ice - and I still have back pain to prove it.

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  5. Jon,

    Man, I have enough problems with the school buses around here and we don't have those twisting mountain roads. Glad you miss a fast trip down a cliff. Love your backyard. You live in a real woods; I dwell in a faux one. I have managed to catch photos of some hawks here about though.

    Larry

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    1. I don't know where these school bus drivers come from, but it's probably from third world countries (or perhaps fourth world countries.....).
      The hawks always make their best appearances when I don't have a camera.

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  6. REPORT THAT MUTHAFUCKA! and school will be over in 30 days.

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    1. School would have been over in 30 seconds if that bastard had hit me.

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  7. PLEASE do not get my started on school buses!!!! Or you will hear a huge Tallulah Bankhead rant!!!! nuf said. Meanwhile your cardinal picture is so pretty. They are very hard to get pictures of. They feed on my window sill at the kitchen window. All the birds are so use to my presence they don't even flutter or blink an eye if I approach the window, but the cardinal fly away at the slightest break of wind.

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    1. Cardinals are indeed very evasive. I had to take this particular photo from a great distance. I always love the photos of the birds on your windowsill.

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  8. On just this morning's commute, I was plotting the ultimate revenge on bus drivers -- city and school, alike. I don't know if they don't adopt a Napoleon complex, or what ... but they're seriously going to kill someone(s) one of these days.
    I'd rather it not be you, m'friend!

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    1. I remember a long-ago time when bus drivers had dignity and pride. Nowadays they seem to be druggies and/or non-English-speaking foreigners.

      BTW thanks for telling your friend about my Marilyn Monroe post.

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  9. Beautiful yard and the Cardinal just tops it off.

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    1. I wish I could get more photos of the beautiful birds here, but they often hide in the trees and are camera-shy.

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  10. I'm glad you survived! Be extra careful out there (my sister was killed in a car crash back in 1988). Your back yard is stunning. I can't recall the last time I saw a cardinal - plenty of gulls. They are so fearless that cars actually stop for them as they walk across streets and such. Again, glad you made it home alive.

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    1. It's taking a long time for me to get used to this crude, rural lifestyle - but I do love the peaceful surroundings and the beauty of nature.

      I'm so sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your sister. An auto accident is particularly cruel and brutal - - so unexpected, and so unnecessary.

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  11. I fear if you met the pint size rug rats on the bus, you would encourage the driver to go faster.

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  12. Hey, I'm ruthless - but I'm not THAT ruthless. Maybe.

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  13. Everything you write is extremely interesting. Do I have your attention now?

    Although the bus drivers have no excuse for putting lives in danger, I would imagine their only hope in life is a quick death via roadside suicide. Kids never shut up; never stop moving, and if he has to drive you off the hill with him, so be it. YES. It's time to write that letter, Jon.

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    1. You're funny (that's a compliment). I wouldn't last five minutes driving a busload of kids. Going over a cliff would be the most merciful thing to do.

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  14. That is just frightening! Yes--absolutely! Write the letter!

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  15. One incident would be enough - but I've seen far too many to let it slide.

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  16. Yowza! It's scary that there are still some school bus drivers around who are that careless. When I was in junior high school, our bus driver was drunk half the time. He drove over curbs and across yards... Funny thing is, I don't think any of us ever complained. In those days, most of us had fathers who regularly drove under the influence, so we accepted it as normal. And funny as heck.

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  17. Jon,
    Just a small aside, Lar's father was a bus driver in his retirement. Prior to his retirement he was a truck driver, as was my father in his early years. Cross country ruck driver during World War II. Anyway, I know those mountain roads having rode on similar ones whilst visiting my father's birthplace, Pigeon Roost, North Carolina, just over the border from Tennessee (Erwin and Johnson City). Those ARE narrow roads. A few years ago, when Bill and I were visiting (before we were banned for being gay) a car almost hit us head on when it was roaring down one of those treacherous, narrow mountain roads.
    Change of subject, your "backyard" is beautiful." That is the benefit of living in the mountains, the nature is unsurpassed in beauty. Bill and I had considered retiring to the mountains of western North Carolina, but we were concerned about the isolation and the latent homophobia. Two men living together in the mountains? And as closed knit as those communities are, they know everything that goes on. I'm glad you're enjoying the peace and serenity of nature in those mountains.
    Ron

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