Thursday, August 4, 2016
DON'T ROCK THE BOAT
Jon, your blog has been doing incredibly well. You've posted some interesting things and haven't angered anyone in nearly two weeks. You've received frequent and amicable comments. You've even managed to snag a few more readers. I think you now have five instead of three!
I'm well aware of this good fortune, Kemo Sabe. And I'm extremely greatful for it. I have a lot more interesting, uncontroversial posts lined up to please my readers, but.....
Uh-oh - - I knew it! Here comes the inevitable "BUT". You're always full of unpleasant surprises, Jon. Among other things.
I have to go with my heart and follow my instincts......which usually takes me right down the toilet and into a sewer line straight to hell. But that's beside the point. One has to be true to oneself.
What have you planned to disrupt the tranquility this time, Jon?
I've written a review of the recent Democratic Convention! But this is more than a review. It's so dangerously explosive that I've been hesitant to post it.....for fear of inflicting permanent injuries.
To your readers?
No. To myself. I'm fully aware that 99 per cent of my readers are voting for Hillary - - and are gathering together with torches and pitchforks, ready to lynch the Evil White Man Trump.
They're also ready to lynch the Evil Hungarian Blogger.
You'd better not rock the boat, Jon. No need to upset easily offended readers.
A little sea sickness never hurt anyone, Kemo Sabe. They'll eventually recover after they barf.
Everyone knows that - deep down inside - I'm absolutely harmless. Not to mention sweet, charming, humorous, interesting. And cute.
Don't press your luck.
Now would be a perfect time for a change of subject. What has your life been like lately? What have you been up to? Besides irritating Democrats.
Would nouns be sufficient?
Not literally, of course.
Heat, humidity, rain, weeds, wasps, fruit flies, mosquitoes, cats, insomnia, anxiety. And blogging.
Blogging is a verb.
Are you sure? Did I mention rain and cats? Is acute anxiety a noun?
You have acute anxiety, Jon?
I've had anxiety since I was five. I get acute anxiety when I have to drive into town. I've been putting it off for three weeks - but the kitty litter is getting dangerously low.
I have two choices:
I can either drive into town tomorrow....
or give the cats ample doses of Pepto-Bismol and wait until Monday.
Why do I get the uneasy feeling that your cats are going to have pink tongues and whiskers this weekend?
Monday is always a good day for anxiety attacks.
What's the deal with the header picture on your blog, Jon?
My post is titled Don't Rock the Boat. Do you realize how difficult it is to find a picture to accompany that?
So, when are you going to post the dreaded Convention review?
Soon. Very soon.
Any advice or warnings for your readers?
Be afraid. Be very afraid.