Thursday, August 4, 2016

DON'T ROCK THE BOAT






A CONVERSATION:
 
Jon, your blog has been doing incredibly well. You've posted some interesting things and haven't angered anyone in nearly two weeks. You've received frequent and amicable comments. You've even managed to snag a few more readers. I think you now have five instead of three!

I'm well aware of this good fortune, Kemo Sabe. And I'm extremely greatful for it. I have a lot more interesting, uncontroversial posts lined up to please my readers, but.....

Uh-oh - - I knew it! Here comes the inevitable "BUT". You're always full of unpleasant surprises, Jon. Among other things.

I have to go with my heart and follow my instincts......which usually takes me right down the toilet and into a sewer line straight to hell. But that's beside the point. One has to be true to oneself.

What have you planned to disrupt the tranquility this time, Jon?

I've written a review of the recent Democratic Convention! But this is more than a review. It's so dangerously explosive that I've been hesitant to post it.....for fear of inflicting permanent injuries.

To your readers?

No. To myself. I'm fully aware that 99 per cent of my readers are voting for Hillary - - and are gathering together with torches and pitchforks, ready to lynch the Evil White Man Trump.
They're also ready to lynch the Evil Hungarian Blogger.

You'd better not rock the boat, Jon. No need to upset easily offended readers.

A little sea sickness never hurt anyone, Kemo Sabe. They'll eventually recover after they barf.
Everyone knows that - deep down inside - I'm absolutely harmless. Not to mention sweet, charming, humorous, interesting. And cute.

Don't press your luck.
Now would be a perfect time for a change of subject. What has your life been like lately? What have you been up to? Besides irritating Democrats.

Would nouns be sufficient?

Yea. Shoot.
Not literally, of course.

Heat, humidity, rain, weeds, wasps, fruit flies, mosquitoes, cats, insomnia, anxiety. And blogging.

Blogging is a verb.

Are you sure? Did I mention rain and cats? Is acute anxiety a noun?

You have acute anxiety, Jon?

I've had anxiety since I was five. I get acute anxiety when I have to drive into town. I've been putting it off for three weeks - but the kitty litter is getting dangerously low.
I have two choices:
I can either drive into town tomorrow....
or give the cats ample doses of Pepto-Bismol and wait until Monday.

Why do I get the uneasy feeling that your cats are going to have pink tongues and whiskers this weekend?

Monday is always a good day for anxiety attacks.

What's the deal with the header picture on your blog, Jon?

My post is titled Don't Rock the Boat. Do you realize how difficult it is to find a picture to accompany that?

So, when are you going to post the dreaded Convention review?

Soon. Very soon.

Any advice or warnings for your readers?

Be afraid. Be very afraid.



33 comments:

  1. pussies! raybeard will be pleased. I gotta get kitty litter this weekend, but I drive 2 miles up the str8 road to the store.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. If I only had to go two miles, I'd send the cats out to buy the litter themselves.

      I'm worried about upsetting Raybeard.
      Perhaps we shouldn't tell him........

      Delete
  2. I have a feeling that a 'yuge' percentage of those voting for Ms. Clinton would vote for someone else if they felt they had a viable choice. probably includes me.
    That pic is from that movie, the one with the Indian man and the tiger, yes?
    I did a post recently that I deleted the next morning, deciding that some of my neighbors 'medical marijuana' and coherent writing were incompatible. But then it's just a blog, right? On the scale of importance in the world, 1 to 10, I'd put them at about a 0.2. If that.
    Cheers,
    Mike

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    1. The two choices are extremely bad this time around. I don't think any voters will have much enthusiasm. I'm sort of a hypocrite, because I've never voted in my entire life.
      I had no idea where the boat picture originated from. I just happened to see it and I liked it.

      Our blogs are just about the only logical place left to voice our opinions (even when my opinions are illogical...)

      Delete
  3. Jon, if I finally made it to the store (and I walk), so can you. It's a twisted circus out there, but people and cats cannot live on air alone. Take care of you and yours. I know you are brave.

    Regarding Trump and Clinton: I do my very best to ignore both. It's the only way I can hang on to the little bit of sanity I have left :-)

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    1. There more I stay home the less I want to venture out - but it an evil necessity. I just wish I didn't live so far from town.

      I don't have a TV (thank goodness) but I sometimes watch the news online. If you've seen one political convention, you've seen them all.
      I'm glad you made it safely to the store.

      Delete
  4. Keep those post a coming. they entertain more than you know. And educate too. Never thought of graph paper and kitties much less sailing. Love it.

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    1. You're kind. I definitely entertain, but I seriously doubt if I educate. If nothing else, I always manage to entertain myself...

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  5. Jon, I rely on you to review the convention with inflammatory accuracy. I haven't watched one since Eleanor Roosevelt endorsed Adlai Stevenson and always wished I could hear Eleanor and Julia Child argue about cooking, politics or ANYTHING --it would've sounded like opera! Such distinctive voices.

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    1. Eleanor Roosevelt and Julia Child - - what a fascinating combination!! I would pay good money to see them having a heated debate. It would be better than opera.

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    2. OMB! just thinking about the accents and inflections being spoken by those 2 made me smile!

      Delete
  6. Waiting(to pounce).

    I agree with Mr. Fish, above. If there were other choices this election would be much easier and less hostile.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. POUNCE?? Uh-oh. Now I'm worried.
      I still think we should dump the presidents in favor of a Monarchy.

      Delete
  7. Hi Jon: I'm a fan of your blog and I'm a Democrat. The two are not at all mutually exclusive and exist quite compatibly within me.
    Took my son to an amusement park yesterday. As we waited in line at the Putt Putt cars I was literally frozen in place by one of the guys working there. He looked just like your picture from younger days. The most obvious difference was that he parted his hair on the left and you parted your hair on the right. I just realized that this could be a political statement on your part....pun intended. Hey, I wouldn't hold that against him. Otherwise, well.....I had some nasty thoughts. Now I feel dirty. Maybe we, your adoring fans, should consider starting a Go Fund Me page for you for kittah littah.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I never knew I had a twin working at the Putt Putt cars!
      Looong ago I used to wear my hair parted on the left - but it went naturally to the right. So, I started parting it on the right when I was in Junior High.
      That was back when only GIRLS parted their hair on the right - so I was teased.
      I was also nicknamed "Surfer" because I looked like one.

      Delete
  8. I had a client once, who filled a swimming pool with kitty litter, she had a lot of cats, way to many cats. She couldn't understand why the neighbors hated her.

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    1. Kitty litter in a swimming pool??!?? Holy crap (no pun intended) that is disgusting.

      Delete
  9. Jon,
    I look forward to the day when I can have a cat for a companion. I've been without that comfort for far too many years.
    Ron

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    1. Ron, I wish you could sneak a kitty into your house without Bill knowing it - but that would be an impossibility.
      Cats can be a pain in the butt now and then, but I still love having them around. They are entertaining - and much more loving than most people think.

      Delete
  10. I'm avoiding political discussion. If people get into it on their blog I may or may not read it but, even if I do, I don't comment--on either candidate. It's not just your political posts--it's any of them, so don't take it personally. But rant away if you need to. I'll still come visit you when you're done. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with you - I generally don't comment on political posts either.

      Delete
  11. As others have already pointed out, this year's election offers us the WORST choice ever, and if Hillary were running against just about anyone else, she'd get a lot less votes. If those two represent the BEST either party has to offer, we are in serious trouble. But I refuse to get drawn into a political debate. I'll watch the debates on TV, watch both conventions, and cast my ballot, but I won't even talk politics with my husband unless he gets me riled. (We rarely see eye-to-eye when it comes to politics.)

    Still, I'm sure whatever you have to say about the convention will be entertaining. So have at it!

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    1. Actually, I didn't focus much on Hillary in my review of the convention. I tried to caustically zero in on the unintentional humor.
      I think EVERYONE is thoroughly disgusted with politics this time around.

      Delete
  12. Stopped watching the convention after day 2 when Bernie didn't pull a coup. Can't stand either candidate.

    Is it true Bill fell asleep during Hillary's speech? Can't wait to hear about it.

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    1. Yes, he did fall asleep - and I have a photo!

      Delete
  13. You could never make me mad dear.....im a lover, not a fighter. That's why every Mistress Maddie action figure comes with a big beefy boy as my bouncer!!!! I can't wait to read the postπŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹

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    1. You should run for president. You'd be easy to love....

      Delete
  14. I truly wish I were without emotion concerning this election. I even 'went off' on poor DH one evening for watching the DNC.
    Churchill? Patton? I'm beyond concerned so many Americans are fearful of a strong, no-nonsense leader; of 'offending' some pipsqueak nation. Good grief, when did we become so 'whipped'?

    Can't wait to read your thoughts on the convention. :)

    PS: Thought for the road? "Whenever I feel afraid, I hold myself erect, and whistle a happy tune so no-one will suspect I'm afraid." (Don't scoff ... I actually sang that the last time I was stuck in a fog bank from hell.)


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    1. Myra, we became "whipped" when the liberals took over and everyone started walking on eggshells in order not to offend. We've become a nation of wimps and wussies.

      There's no doubt that I should whistle happy tunes more often.

      Delete
  15. Your boat picture is from a movie called - "Life of Pi" where a teenager spends ( 200 or something days ) drifting across the Pacific in a lifeboat with a Bengal tiger.

    Good luck with the road trip ... whenever you decide to go shopping. Hopefully the anxiety won't rear its ugly head.

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    1. I had completely forgotten about that movie. It was based on a book and won an Oscar for Best Director a few years ago.

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  16. I am English so I can be detached and just enjoy the writing .Bring it on.

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    1. That gives me hope and courage.....

      Delete

I love comments. Go ahead and leave one - I won't bite. But make sure you have a rabies shot just in case.