Friday, September 16, 2016
TRUE CONFESSIONS: ALCOHOL
In some of the comments on my recent posts, several readers had questions about a few things that I'd like to address: alcohol, happiness, and leukemia.
It would be impossible to cover everything in one post.
Let's start with alcohol.
Here's the first question:
Jon, do you drink most days?
That, of course, is a polite way of asking Are you an alcoholic?
The short, simple answer is No -
which immediately generates the scripted response:
You're obviously in denial, which positively indicates that you're an alcoholic.
In absolute honesty - and undoubtedly to my great benefit - I don't have an addictive personality. It is not in my nature to depend on anything.
Actually, if I drank "most days", my blog wouldn't be this damn good (smile).
Would a detailed historical supplement be of any value here?
There were many times in my distant past when my wild and reckless lifestyle necessitated the heavy use of booze. I couldn't have indulged in all my outrageous adventures (not to mention rampant promiscuity) without it.
During my early years in Hollywood, my penchant for alcohol was legendary. It got to a point where I would mix outrageous - and potentially lethal - "cocktails": mixtures of whiskey, rum, malt liquor, and pills (sleeping pills or tranquilizers) all in one large glass.
For many reasons too tedious to explore in a blog, I had an explosive desire to live on the edge - - I craved danger.....which was enhanced with an underlying death wish.
I vividly remember one night, when I was about twenty-two. I drank an entire bottle of vodka and it wasn't enough to get me high. That's when I panicked and knew I was well on the road to alcoholism.
I stopped drinking immediately - - and nursed a bleeding duodenal ulcer for over a year.
I had bouts throughout my early life when I would drink heavily for awhile - and stop immediately with no regrets or ramifications whatsoever. I've gone years without even thinking of alcohol.
I've never had withdrawal symptoms, never required rehab, never had cravings or "relapses".
I'm not the type person who needs sympathy or hand-holding, intervention or pity. I'm not into analysis or psychobabble shit.
An interjection here to say that - despite my wild early drinking - I've never really liked "hard" alcohol. I prefer wine or beer. After I left California (in my early 30's) I never drank hard liquor again.
My years in Texas were the worst of my entire life. I moved there solely to be near my retired parents. I took care of my mother for four years after my father's death (in 2005). My Mom died in 2009.
To put it in a proverbial nutshell - I had more problems in Texas than anyone would ever believe. It was one devastating nightmare after another and I was eventually destroyed - physically, emotionally, and financially. I resumed occasional drinking again simply to cope.
I never thought I'd get out of there alive.
Let's Fast-Forward to the present:
An alcoholic would find it impossible to exist here in rural Tennessee. I live in a "dry" county, which means (for those of you in Mongolia) that no alcohol is sold. Thanks to the pious Baptists.
There's one tiny store that sells beer (beer only) for a high price. I usually buy a twelve-pack of beer, which lasts a month...or more.
I seldom drink and don't even really enjoy beer anymore. I'll usually guzzle two (or three) of them before my monthly drive into town - just to quell my nerves.
And don't give me any flack about drinking and driving. The remnants of danger and my long-ago death wish still exist......
If you imagine I'm sitting here alone on a mountaintop while guzzling myself into an alcoholic oblivion, you're wrong.
I often exaggerate the extent of my drinking in this blog - and utilize it in a humorous light (well, at least I think it's humorous...) Don't take it too seriously.
Have I said enough?
Check out the harvest moon on my other blog