Monday, November 21, 2016

ALL ABOUT THANKSGIVING



Note:
I wrote this several years ago and figured I'd rehash it now for those who may not have seen it.

No matter what opinion you have about Thanksgiving, I think we can all agree that the concept of the holiday is based on varying degrees of legend and hokum.

When we were innocent and gullible kids in school (at least I was innocent and gullible), we were spoon-fed the sanitized Hallmark Card version:

The kind, generous, ultra-religious Pilgrims - - out of the goodness of their hearts - - spent days preparing a sumptuous Thanksgiving feast and invited the neighboring Indians over to share the unforgettable banquet. They dined on succulent turkey, sweet potatoes, French's original green bean casserole, dinner rolls with cranberry jam, and pumpkin pie topped with Cool Whip.

They exchanged gifts and recipes. The Indians taught them about the limitless wonders of maize. They prayed together and then joined hands and sang a rousing rendition of Kumbaya.

And they all lived happily ever after in absolute unity among purple mountain majesties and amber waves of grain.


In more recent years, the liberal historical revisionists have given us a grim and harrowing Thanksgiving tale of raw realism:

The Pilgrims - - an uncouth, bloodthirsty band of European white men and their skanky women - - arrived in America with ill-intent. They invaded the peaceful domain of Indian Territory - plundered the  villages, trampled the teepees, chopped down the trees, polluted the water, claimed the Indian's land, imprisoned the Indian braves, raped the squaws, and gave everyone syphilis and inferiority complexes.

Within a few short generations, the pitifully few remaining Indian tribes were confined to squalid Arizona reservations - - living in unairconditioned Airstream trailers and using their meager government subsidies to buy cheap whiskey and Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Take your pick. Believe whatever version you like. But while you're chowing down that delectable Thanksgiving meal this week, just remember that  without the white man's aggression and ingenuity - you'd be wearing buffalo robes and living in teepees. And eating maize, whatever the heck that is.


Damn it, Jon, you're almost brilliant when you're drunk. Hemingway would have been proud.



Hopefully I won't be scalped by irate (humorless) readers.






So, what do I have to be thankful for this year?

You know what I really want to say, don't you? 

I'll stop gloating over the election results for a moment to mention that I lost 6 (yes SIX) blog "followers" because of my anti-Hillary posts.
One of these people was sweet Anne Marie - - who was already pissed at me because of my views on gun control. 

Bang Bang!

But I'm thankful that I recently have some new followers, who obviously have good taste and aren't easily offended.

And I'm thankful for those of you who disagree with my opinions but still have the courage to hang around. You know who you are.

Should I be thankful that I'll never have to dust my favorite antique vase again?




My cat Scruffy broke it just about an hour ago. As you can see from the photo, it's beyond repair.

I yelled so loud that I scared the coyotes. 

I'll probably do another Thanksgiving post this week. And I won't be offensive. Honest Injun.


14 comments:

  1. I ain't buying the cat broke the vase. I think it was wild sex! Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. What or what not to believe...who knows. I sort of do my own thing like you, and use it for a day to just count my gratefuls. It's nice to be with a little family and close friends. That's all I need. And I wont lie, the food is good!

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  2. I've never been a holiday person. I don't have to have turkey on a certain day just because everyone else does. In fact I made chicken, dressing, cranberry sauce, rice/broccoli , and pickled beets. I'm in trouble, no pie

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  3. It's one of the funniest blogs I've seen. I don't take offence at anything you write and why should I? I loved the stuff on Thanksgiving.

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  4. Enjoyable post. I'm thankful I got the bathroom working without having to rent a portapotty. Trump? I have grudgingly had to give him more thought hourly lately than I gave him in 67(next mo., fellow Sagittarian) years. Sure is fulla drama, isn't he?

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  5. I'm looking forward to turkey, ham and chicken dressing on Thanksgiving. I could have it all anytime but it taste better on Thanksgiving. You haven’t lost them they will be back they want stay away long. Sorry about your vase the same thing happen to me but Sam knocked the shelf down and it broke a wine glass that my daughter in law fixed up for me last Christmas. It took me a long time getting glass out of the carpet. Take care and hope you have a great Thanksgiving. Jean

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  6. Sorry about your vase, I've had cats that did things like that, one of my favorite lamps was smashed to smithereens.

    Somewhere between those 2 thanksgiving stories is the real story. I just wish people would quit portraying the pilgrims as puritans, because they were not. Just sayin'.

    And keep up the great posts, they entertain me greatly and sometimes I learn something!

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    Replies
    1. Read the short story "Young Goodman Brown."
      pparsimony

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  7. I dislike turkey intensely. Haven't had it for decades. Turkey should be the national fowl of Amerikkka and revered like cows in India.
    Hope that vase came from the Dollar Store.

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  8. I am a 65 year old woman who voted for Mr. Trump and also a concealed carry permit holder. I am what the six lost readers hate. Don't care. I like your blog. And, I like Thanksgiving. Have a good one. Maggie

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  9. You've got a good blog, Jon, and I always enjoy your spin on things. Pity about your vase though. I can see it was very beautiful from the shattered remains. Our Thanksgiving in the great white north falls in October - so it's done with. May yours be a good one.

    To quote Stephen Fry : It's now very common to hear people say, I'm rather offended by that," as if that gives them certain rights. It's no more than a whine. It has no meaning, it has no purpose,it has no reason to be respected as a phrase.

    " I'm offended by that "
    Well, so fu*#ing what ?

    Strange things happen on social media.

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  10. Happy Thanksgiving, Jon.
    I'm sure you'll celebrate it with tons of friends and family around, warmth and love will abound.
    Enjoy,
    Mike

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  11. I think I chuckled harder this year than before, Jon. (For some reason, Cool Whip was my undoing.)
    Seriously sorry about the vase. Not so much your 6 deserters. I don't claim to know her, but I believed Anne Marie was made of sterner stuff ....

    Like my parents before me, I never developed affection for turkey/dressing/cranberry/ad nauseum, so we're going to Black Angus this year. No muss, no fuss, and LOTS for which to be thankful!

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  12. This is what you get when you infuse life with manifest destiny...chaos.

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  13. Jon,
    Happy Thanksgiving to you too! You are so right about the true "Thanksgiving." I'm just finishing reading a book about the inhibition of the North American continent. I'll send it to you along with some other books that I think you will find of interest. The real history of the New World is how the white man (Europeans all) decimated the Indian population through disease, slavery and slaughter. Not a pretty picture. Also, of minor interest is a relative of mine who is mentioned (Colonel John Tipton) who was involved in the formation of the state of Tennessee when it broke off of North Carolina. That was a pleasant surprise to feed my ego to see my family name mentioned, albeit briefly. By the way, he was against the formation of the state of Tennessee, a Tipton on the wrong side again (smile).
    Sorry to hear you lost Anne Marie (of Philly). I lost her a long time ago and I'm not sure quite why but I wish her well. I think throughout my ten years of blog posts I've managed to offend just about all my readers one time or another, especially lately by touting my friend ship with Pat. However, you know our mantra Jon "It's our blog and if anyone doesn't like it, that's their choice. Sorry to see them go but hey, it's our blog."
    Again, Happy Thanksgiving and sorry that yet another of your vases was broken by our feline pals. Seeing all that damage gives me pause to getting a cat (or two) to keep me company in the future.
    Ron

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