Friday, August 25, 2017
HECK, I'LL DO IT MYSELF!
Nearly a year ago I wrote a book of poems for children. This surprised many people, since it's no secret that I don't like kids.
I don't exactly hate children.
Let's just say that I like them best when they're at a distance of about fifty miles. Maybe 60.
Curiously, I thoroughly enjoy writing children's literature. It's challenging and actually fun.
Without revealing too much, I will just say that these poems have to do with the nighttime hours and all things pertaining to the mystery and magic of the night.
Writing the book was easy.
Finding a suitable publisher has been a nightmare (no pun intended).
Long ago when I was young (or younger) I published a few things in children's periodicals. Since then, the realm and scope of children's literature has changed drastically. There are many more publishers than ever before - but there are also far more limitations on subject matter and drastically enforced restrictions.
In essence - many publishers are no longer open to ideas. They have specific agendas. Instead of informing and entertaining children, they want to indoctrinate them.
After spending an entire evening sifting through the submission requirements and restrictions for publishers of books for children, I was disillusioned. Not to mention flabbergasted.
"Absolutely no religion or mention of God"
"We specialize in topics concerning pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood."
"We only want to see literature with strong ethnic diversity."
"No animal stories, please"
"No poetry accepted."
"We prefer an emphasis on alternative lifestyles."
"We only want stories geared toward environmental issues."
These are children, for gawd sake - not Bolshevik recruits!
Whatever happened to the joy and innocence of childhood???
Am I so archaic that I don't belong in modern society?
When I was in first grade, our teacher made us read The Cat in the Hat.
My mother used to read out loud to me from many classics of children's literature.
I grew up on Peter Pan, Heidi, Hans Brinker, Black Beauty, Wind in the Willows.
Nowadays we seem to be intent on turning children into miniature programed adult robots.
Kids don't need to know about the rudiments of pregnancy when they're five.
They don't need to feel guilty about not saving a tree.
They sure as hell don't need to know about Johnny's two daddies......
or Aunt Swedka's Ethiopian lover.
Gimme a break!!!!!
The endless maze of publishers and their bizarre agendas are giving me a migraine.
I think I'll wind up publishing the damn book myself.
My next children's book will probably be a best seller. I'm going to title it:
Abortions Can Be Fun!