Sunday, August 6, 2017

THE CASE OF THE MISSING APPENDAGE

 Bruce - - before and.....after.....

Caution:
Church ladies and/or virgins might be offended by the content of this missive.
Now that I have your attention, you may proceed.

I've been focused on this subject for too long lately, but detox takes awhile. I'll eventually get it out of my system.

On my previous post I casually (and, of course, quite innocently) mentioned that Bruce Jenner had his penis removed. 

Sweet Dylan (who is one of the few people left that doesn't want to lynch me) just informed me that Jenner didn't officially have his appendage removed. It's apparently still intact.

Well, you could have knocked me over with an out-of-season pansy.

Bruce Jenner - - who is now officially called Caitlyn and wears outfits that would rival Melania Trump - - was awarded the 2016 Glamour Magazine Woman of the Year Award.

Since ol' Brucie - - I mean Caitlyn - - snagged the Woman Award, I naturally assumed that his male member was gone.

Hell, what do I know? I'm just an innocent country boy.

Question:
Since Caitlyn still has his willy (and, I'm assuming, his balls), isn't it slightly strange (not to mention confusing) that
Glamour would single him out as the best of the ladies?

I mean, shouldn't that award have gone to someone much more deserving - like Rosie O'Donnell.......or Ellen Degenerate?
Ooops, I mean Degeneres.

Things are much too complicated nowadays.

Long ago when I lived in Hollywood life was delightfully simple. There were gays, bi's, and transvestites.

Today, we have to contend with a complex (not to mention astoundingly confusing) network of gender-challenged individuals who have taken the fun out of cross-dressing.

Transgenders
Transexuals
Trannies
Transcontinental Railways....

I don't get it. Perhaps someone in the military could explain it to me and....straighten me out (no sexual implications intended).

The only thing I know for certain is that I still have my appendage.

And the last time I looked it was working perfectly.



 

19 comments:

  1. Hilarious and thought-provoking post, Jon. "Transcontinental Railways" indeed! That would be one heck of an operation. Yikes!

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    1. I've never thought of myself as being thought-provoking, Geo, but I'll take any positive input that I can get. Transcontinental Railways was the only "trans" thing I could think of. My knowledge has limits...

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  2. LOLo'LOL! Hope you've as much enjoyment writing these as we do reading them! :)

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    1. I do have a good time writing these things (usually). Believe it or not, I used to be a LOT more humorous when I was young (or younger...).
      Old age is sapping the "funnies" out of me.
      But occasionally I still have a spark.

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    1. "Thought provoking", perhaps - - but I'm apprehensive to know exactly what KINDS of thoughts..... (*smile*)

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  4. Hi Jon, still around, just been breathing in fire and smoke for far too long and my brains got fried ... now I finally get here for a visit and am happy to hear you still have your sense of humor. I sent you an email with a video of life around here. It's gotten worse actually with most of my friends evacuated since these parts of BC are on fire. I met a firefighter the other day from Mexico, since over a hundred arrived last Friday ... and believe it or not, I couldn't figure out if he was a man or a woman. No matter one way or the other, but I felt stupid not being able to figure it out. I didn't want to ask either.

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    1. I'm certainly relieved to know that you're surviving, Helga, but those fires are frightening! I remember all the brush fires that I lived through in Southern California - - with the eternal smoke and ashes (and fear)
      I haven't checked my email in many weeks - - I definitely will today. I'm sorry for the delay.

      That's funny about the Mexican firefighter!

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    2. Helga! I have been worried about you big time! So glad you are surviving this natural disaster, and hope it all will resolve itself soon. We have had some heavy smoke in Portland, but no loss of property or human lives. Hang in there as best you can! You are such a strong person :-)

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    3. Thanks Dylan, I don't know about strong, but we do the best we can when faced with challenges. I'm sorry you had some of this wretched smoke come your way. I left a comment over at your blog. You're a good guy :)

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  5. I love the title of this post! And don't feel bad about the missing appendage: I can't even remember if it's Caitlin or Caitlyn? Anyway, I wonder if anybody has watched his/her reality show? I don't own a TV (television), so I might actually dare to check out the DVD when it becomes available at the library. Some things are so bad they actually become good. John Waters comes to mind :-)

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    1. You're absolutely right about John Waters! I honestly don't know much about Bruce/Caitlyn (?). I didn't even know about the reality show since I don't have a TV either. My sole source of "information" comes from YouTube.

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  6. Ah, comments are back on again. I know an angry lesbian in New York who could "help" you understand the concepts of gender, sexual orientation and gender identity. If she read your blog first, you might find yourself missing certain body parts that you hold near and dear. It is okay, these concepts have gotten more complicated over the past 20 years. Wait until you tell one of your neighbors that they are cis gendered.

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  7. I've known a few angry lesbians in my time and I have the shrapnel wounds to prove it. Since most of my neighbors are probably inbred, I doubt if they'd understand the cis gender thing - - and neither do I...

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  8. I agree. Your humor is really on fire lately with these one liners and wise cracks. When I'm at the raven, I always order the grilled transgendered chicken salad!!!! But I do know some trans people. As with any any group group, straight gay bi who get confused and are straight one minute gay the next then bi the next, there are trans like that too, hence Caityln. My friends that did transition knew at very early ages, and didn't even second guess about the chop....it couldn't have come off quick enough. Since Caityln hasn't had the chop yet would make me wonder what are her intentions? And his show I understand was two seasons. When the Kardashians started to invade......she lost all credibility in my mind.

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    1. A "grilled transgendered chicken salad" - - that's hilarious! I love it!!!
      After living in Hollywood I never thought I could be shocked or confused. I thought I'd seen everything.
      Ironically, the older I get, the more shocked and confused I become.

      I'm always DELIGHTED when my "humor" is appreciated.

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    2. Well dear, you know what the fabulous Mae West said right? " Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often."

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  9. We live in an age of wonders and change. Mystery is eternal.

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    1. I never fail to be astounded.....(*smile*)

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