Saturday, June 16, 2018

FATHER'S DAY



I have no doubt that Father's Day would be completely eliminated if it wasn't for the fact that it's still moderately commercially lucrative.
Buy dear ol' Dad a tie, or a wrench. Or an obligatory greeting card.

Unfortunately, the role of the American male has been radically diminished over the past fifty years - and lately there has been a forcefully zealous campaign to emasculate and feminize men.

Let's face the raw facts: society/culture no longer views men as necessary or desirable components in the cycle of life. The male animal doesn't fit into the politically correct agenda. The general consensus is that men are no longer needed or wanted.

The role of men has been drastically discounted in the media, academia, and entertainment. They are often vilified, ridiculed, dismissed, and.......hated. Especially white, successful, heterosexual American men.

I could give political examples, but I'll politely refrain.

One only has to watch commercials on TV to see how very often white men are presented as odious, bumbling buffoons. You couldn't get away with doing that to a woman or a minority.

I'm not speaking as a male chauvinist or a racist. I'm speaking as a realist.

Terms such as "Single Mother" are glorified and worn as a badge of honor - as if a man was never involved in the preliminary process.
There's certainly nothing wrong with being a single mother, but somewhere along the line sperm was a contributing factor. 

The term "stay-at-home dad" doesn't have the power or prestige that "Single Mother" does. It snidely indicates that the man is a weakling and a wimp, submissive to the Alpha Woman.

I'm fully aware that many (and I mean many) men are far from being exemplary role models and many more aren't worthy of being fathers. 

I'm merely irked (outraged, really) at the current war against men. And - despite what you might think - that's not an exaggeration. It is definitely a war.

Perhaps.....just perhaps.....society's disdain and discounting of men in general has induced some of them to simply sigh and give up.

I've been ranting and perhaps an apology is in order. But, hell, a lifetime of apologies has gotten me nowhere. I'm entitled to my opinion.

Ironically, this entire post was initially going to be about my own father - who was solely responsible for nearly destroying my life...and who instilled so much hate and self-loathing in me that I very seriously considered murder and suicide.

I never called him "dad" or "father". I just couldn't bring myself to utter the words.

I remember calling him "Dad" a few minutes before he died, and I said "I love you".

This still brings tears to my eyes.

17 comments:

  1. I feel so bad for people who didn't have a good Father and sometime a father Figure is just as good. My Daddy wasn't abusive but I don't remember ever having a conversation with him other then him handing me a nickel and telling me to go get him a pack of Bull Durham. He did provide good food, clothes, and a roof that didn't leak.

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    1. Those were the good ol' days - when kids could buy Bull Durham with no problems. I could never communicate very well with my father. I always felt extremely uncomfortable around him.

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  2. It only take a few bad men to ruin it for all. Between the minorities, gay men, feminist, and single powerful women, the white male is in a losing war like you said. But every group has it's bad seeds.

    My father wasn't near so like your father and stories. and while he did make mends, at the funeral my mother was like "When can we just kick the coffin in the ground?" The first dirt pile couldn't have went in fast enough. Happy Father's Day indeed.

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    1. You're right - there are too many groups trying to be on top and the men seem to be losing.
      After my father died my Mom said that she actually felt relieved, like a heavy burden was lifted.

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  3. Jon, I'm impressed with this post in ways I can't begin to explain, so I won't. Norma could, but I'm not fool enough to ask her, so I won't. So-I-won't is probably the credo of my fathering experience. Where possible, I solved disputes among my children with logic and restraint. That means: I could shout them all down and impose reason upon the moment or fail to do either, so I won't. I'd distract them instead, let their anger or angst fade into their natural hilarity. Usually worked. They grew up fine. They are now 34, 37, 46 and 47 --by sheer coincidence, those are also their ages. I think the secret is in giving them numbers instead of names. I can't explain how that might have helped, so I won't. Great post, Jon, and seriously, points well-taken.

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    1. Geo - I'm thinking that the 1950's image of the perfect father was just a myth....but I still do believe that in many ways the Alpha male is losing ground.
      I have no doubt that you were pretty near being a perfect father. With four kids, having the ability to shout them down was undoubtedly necessary.

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  4. Jon, I am a reader of your blog. I very seldom comment because you and I are at odds politically. But since this is your blog, you have the right to express your views. But this post is spot on, so I will comment.

    I first noticed this disturbing trend when I watched the SAG Awards. At the beginning of the ceremony, the camera goes to a few tables and focuses on an actor. He or she usually tells a little story and ends with "I am an actor." This year's ceremony was a little different - all were women and men were completely left out. I wondered why the men were not outraged?

    I also think that some gay male bloggers and their readers are complicit as I see "put-downs" of men and not one rebuke from their readers.

    Glad that you took on this subject.

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    1. Hi, Paul - thanks for taking the time to comment. Almost all of my readers are opposed to my political views - so you're definitely not alone (that's why I so seldom write about them - but I do drop subtle hints).

      I didn't watch the SAG Awards, but from what you said, that's only one of many examples (and as you said, nobody is outraged when this happens).
      Men seem to be the only ones left who can be ridiculed, put-down, and ignored with no public outcry or consequences. I feel like we're a minority.

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  5. I guess I do not feel the same. I had a dad who never changed a diaper and was very distant, as his father was to his kids. My "mates" also didn't want anything to do with raising the kids till they were old enough to do something interesting to them like bowling or playing golf. My son is a hands on dad who helps with everything from bath time and changing diapers to meals and discipline. I think the equality of husband and wives these days is marvelous. The kids are as close to dad as to mom. They have such a close, loving family unit...wish I had known that growing up.

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    1. As I said in my comment to Geo (above) - I think the idealistic 1950's notion of the perfect father was largely a myth. But I also do believe that present-day men are being trampled upon and discounted by everybody. Manhood is scoffed at rather than honored.

      It sounds like your son is very mature, caring, and loving - which is indeed a rarity. You obviously raised him well.

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  6. It will probably come as no surprise … but I wholly agree with your reflections the discounting of menfolk, the glorification of certain women - whether or not they deserve acclaim. (Bleah.)

    I had a great father, the best - but failed to tell him so or be there at the end. So your closing literally made me gasp. What a wonderful final gesture.

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    1. I probably went over the top with my rant, but I truly believe that men - and most especially white men - are at the very bottom of the totem pole nowadays. Many people don't take the time to notice all the subtle things going on - they just take it for granted that they can trash men with no consequences.

      My father died very suddenly, of a heart attack at the dinner table. I was the last person who spoke to him - and I'm definitely thankful for the things I managed to say. But the grim and shocking memory of this incident is extremely upsetting to me.

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  7. I sometimes wonder if boys being raised by mother's alone, is changing our culture. I often wonder why more fathers are not more involved in the lives of their children, their duty goes beyond that of sperm donor. Rant, you are allowed to do so.

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    1. Your observations are definitely apt - I think the absence of a father figure definitely has something to do with our changing culture.

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  8. i agree with alot of what you said. i find it beautiful that despite years of abuse you were able to tell your father you loved him in the end.

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    1. My father mellowed SLIGHTLY in his declining years and we managed to share some semblance of a truce. My hate eventually vanished...and all I felt was sorrow and pity.

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