Monday, April 22, 2019

DON'T KISS MY RING



What?
You haven't heard about the ring-kissing video??

Well, I'm here to inform you. Information is my business. Or one of my businesses, anyway.

I've chosen a short version of the video. No need to ply you with too much of a good thing. Longer versions are circulating around the Internet, in case you crave more (the constant media camera flashes are extremely annoying - - try to ignore them)

This isn't a hoax.
It's Pope Francis - rudely pulling his hand away from people trying to kiss his ring.

This has caused some consternation and even outrage.

My opinion?
I agree with him completely. Ring kissing is unsanitary.
I sure as hell wouldn't want strange, diseased lips slobbering over my rings. God only knows where those lips have been.

Come to think of it - if I were the Pope, I'd never wear rings in public. No need to encourage temptation.

Pope Francis has never been reserved and dignified, like Pope John Paul II was. Francis is kinda raunchy and uncouth. I could picture him drinking Bud Light, reading Penthouse Forum, and blowing unexpected farts at the papal dinner table.

Does Penthouse still exist? I haven't read a dirty magazine since the Captain and Tennille were singing Muskrat Love.

I always thought that being the Pope would be a perfect job. At least for me.
I could wear elaborate robes and hats, and flaunt expensive jewelry. People would revere me for no discerning reason. I would be worshiped. I could do whatever I want.
I could molest choir boys.

Don't panic. I was only jesting.
Maybe.

But if I were Pope I'd have to change my name. Pope Jon is too mundane.

I thought about Pope Innocent - but I think there have already been several previous Pope Innocents.

How about Pope Far From Innocent?

I like that! It has a nice, truthful ring to it.

12 comments:

  1. He looked like a man in a hurry to get through it all. Actually I don't blame him. Who knows what sort of germs he might pick up. With that in mind, aren't you glad you're not the pope?

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    1. I don't blame him, either, Valarie. Perhaps he should have made a "Don't kiss my ring" announcement at the beginning.

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  2. I did see the video and thought it was really weird. He could have someone clean the ring for him and wash his hands after. Maybe he's the first germaphobe pope.

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    1. At first I thought the video was a hoax and I triple-checked sources before writing this post. It really is strange.

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  3. HA! I think this is one of your best! I'd not heard about Francis' ring. But then, I don't watch much television anymore; and I understand/appreciate very little of Roman Catholic disciplines.

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    1. Thanks, Myra! I thought this was a funny post. I'm not quite sure everyone agrees......

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    1. I honestly agree with the Pope's feelings about this (and obviously his frustration). Perhaps the unsuspecting public should have been warned in advance (Don't Touch My Ring).

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  5. If he is the Pope and they let people kiss the ring, then he should certainly have been ready for it to happen. I'm not catholic so have no clue about how it works, but...If that is tradition?!? Then he better be prepared to have it kissed or let them know ahead that it won't be allowed. I certainly wouldn't want everyone kissing my hand or ring haha! Wendy

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    1. Wendy, I'm not Catholic, either, but I think that ring-kissing is a tradition with the Pope. I'm wondering if he has always been this opposed to it, or is this peculiar behavior something new??

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  6. i thought it looked like 'peculiar behavior' too. they could have made an announcement. due to sanitary conditions the pope would appreciate it if you didn't kiss his ring. can you imagine the uproar?

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  7. I honestly thought it was some kind of a joke at first. It was rather shocking to discover it was real. Very unbecoming behavior for a Pope.

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