Friday, September 20, 2019

MELANCHOLY

I had to remove my previous post, Disaster, because it was too humiliating - too depressing. I always tell too much.

The sight of me having to drag myself (with my arms) up the hill to my house because my legs gave out isn't exactly appealing. But it's a raw reality.

I have tried for two consecutive days (yesterday and today) to get into my car and drive to town - and failed miserably both times. As soon as I attempt to get in (or out of) the car my left leg "freezes up" from the pain in my hip and I can't move.

I either need the Jaws of Life or the hands of God to extract me from the friggin' vehicle. 

I can just picture myself crawling on the Walmart parking lot.

I desperately need to get supplies. Will try again next week....... he says with little enthusiasm.

One fragment of optimism: 
I did manage to get the car started today. I have to change the wires and battery terminals but I'm NOT in the mood.

I'm presently deeply entrenched in melancholia. Blame it on my magyar blood. Melancholic moods are rampant among the gypsies.
Incidentally, melancholia is entirely different from depression. Melancholy is steeped in brooding romanticism and yearning nostalgia.

Is this a subtle excuse for a transition?



 Since most of my recent posts are filled with complaints, I'll end this one with some melancholic music:
my piano arrangement of Lalena (written by Donovan).
Jane Olivor sang this song better than anyone.

Lalena used to be in my late-night repertoire when I played the piano in bars and cafes in L.A. and Hollywood.

I posted this video before, but - hell, it's worth a second look.



21 comments:

  1. My ISP is acting out, so watching this clip is a challenge. Nevertheless, it's giving me all the 'feels.' I'm especially love the images you've chosen to accompany the music.
    Glad you've posted soon after 'Disaster'! I was more than a little concerned; hoping Nancy might ride to your rescue. Dumb question: Since your left leg freezes up while climbing in and out … could you try getting in on the passenger side, then sliding over? (Seriously, I once had a pal whose driver's side door was frozen shut and that's what she was reduced to.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm always hesitant to bother Nancy - she works full time and has enough of her own problems. But she's ALWAYS there when I need her.

      My car is a Toyota - and I'm 6'1" - it's AGONY for me to crawl in it even on a good day....

      Delete
  2. Some good news in this post, Jon...at least the car started. Really sorry to read that the pain hasn’t let up, enough already. Hope you can maybe get someone to bring some supplies. Thanks for the musical interlude which I enjoyed very much. It was the first time seeing the video for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm feeling better than I did two weeks ago but my hip is still causing problems. I haven't been resting as much as I should and I know I've re-injured it.
      Delighted that you enjoyed my music!

      Delete
  3. I had hoped that things were improving for you. Could you by any chance order stuff on line, to be delivered, or are you completely in the wilderness? Enjoyed today's musical offering, thank you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, Valerie, I'm feeling better than I did but still have a (long?) way to go. Things can be delivered out here in the boonies but it isn't always easy. And I always need so many things that I usually prefer to get them myself.
      Glad you liked the music!

      Delete
  4. Sounds like it's time to call your cousin and get in to the doctor!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rita, you're right but I've been stalling - hoping I'll get better. I do feel somewhat better but I keep re-injuring my leg because I'm not resting enough.

      Delete
  5. Hey Jon, long time no see? I do STILL read my favorite blogs, but leaving comments is pretty much wishing for a million dollars - my clinical depression is getting worse as I get older, etc.

    Anyway, I want you to know that I have not abandoned you, and I'm glad you are getting so much support from people that love and respect you. I would have left you a comment a long time ago, but I am no longer able to blog: Clinical depression is quite debilitating. In fact, most days I don't even bother to get out of bed.

    So I totally can relate to your painful struggle to survive one day at a time. And I admire you for giving it your all. But sometimes we need to admit that we need a little help (I also despise doctors). But you do have Nancy, and she has helped you in the past. There is no shame in that. So please reach out. You deserve kindness and support.

    Well, I know I'm just repeating what everybody else that admires and cares about you has said in previous posts. But I just felt like I needed to make an effort and throw in my two cents. You deserve a happy life. Your great wit and talent ( both as a blogger and a musical artist) often leave me in a state of awe. Plus you are a good person. We all want you to be happy and pain free.

    Dylan

    P.S. Sorry about all the spelling and grammatical errors. I just felt it was important to let you know that you are not alone. And I will continue to read your wonderful blog...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dylan - what a wonderful surprise!! I think about you often and have admittedly been worried since I hadn't heard from you in such a long time. I've missed your comments and blog posts.

      I'm so very sorry to hear about your on-going struggles, and it's disconcerting to know that things are not improving. I do hope that you have caring people to help you during these difficult times. As you said, it's not easy (or wise) to struggle alone. I've always been somewhat of a loner - especially now in my later years.

      You're such a sweet, caring talented, sensitive person and you deserve the very best. (unfortunately, it seems that good people suffer the most....).
      It really makes me feel good to know that you still read my humble blog. I hope you'll be able to leave occasional comments - even if they're brief - just so I know you're okay.

      I'm typing this in bed, which isn't easy, so please excuse any of my typos.
      Also, please take care and keep in touch! Luv ya!

      Delete
    2. I haven't heard from Helga in awhile, but I think she's been having trouble with leaving comments on Google blogs - - I've heard the same complaint from other people, too.

      Delete
  6. Dear Jon, there are only a few things I know of that can cause the stiffness and pain you describe. I rule out heart disease because your upper body strength dragged you up slope to your house. However, claudication, peripheral artery blockage, muscle spasms could cause left-leg stiffness and pain. I've mentioned sciatica before, but it can result from back injury --herniated disk, infection. In fact every symptom you mentioned could be rooted in infection, but that's not my call. What you need someone who can decide whether you need rebuilding or just a course of antibiotics. My concern and best wishes go with you. As to "Lalena", Norma and I went to see Donovan at the Memorial Auditorium on J st. in 1969. An older, white-haired man took the stage first, introduced himself as Donald Leitch, "Donovan's Fither" --Scot. to Amer. translation= 'Father'-- told a brief anecdote about his boy and we all enjoyed 2 hours of delightful music. Your masterful clip took me right back there, Jon. Thanks so much for that!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for your comment, Geo. I think this is stemming from my back problems but it's complicated to explain (especially when I'm typing in bed).

      First of all, I have EXTREMELY bad spinal problems due to old injuries. This causes lower back problems on the left side. A few weeks ago I was lifting heavy things which caused my back to go "out".
      Also - because of my back - I've been sitting in a weird position (for weeks) which has put enormous pressure on my left hip. That sounds crazy but it probably caused my hip problem (bursitis, maybe?). But I don't know why my knee swelled.

      My condition has improved slightly - but I haven't been resting as much as I should - and I've re-injured my leg several times.
      Hope this makes some sense.

      Delete
    2. It's fantastic that you actually got to see Donovan (and his father!). 1969 was a great year. Lalena is one of my all-time favorites. Glad you enjoyed my humble rendition.

      Delete
  7. Jon, know that I'm sending you lots of positive energy that things begin turning around for you. Like others have said, I do hope you know someone who could at least bring supplies to you since you can't drive there yourself. Like you, I don't like asking for help, but sometimes we just have to.

    LOVED your piano piece, it was lovely! And I love the Gothic rose you used as a visual on the video. It's beautiful!

    And since you mentioned Jane Olivor, I have to tell you that I am a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE, HUGE, HUGE, HUGE fan of hers! OMG...I love the tone of her voice and am in awe of how much emotion she brings to anything she sings. She's freaking AMAZING! I discovered her back in the 70's when I was living in New York City. In fact, I had several of her albums. She had such a cult following. Yet, it blows me away that whenever I mention her name, no one ever knows who she is?!

    My favorite songs are: Some Enchanted Evening, Come in from the Rain, and Lalena. All THREE of which bring tears to my eyes because her voice reaches deep into the soul.

    NO ONE can sing like her. Jane Olivor is one-of-kind!

    Be well, my friend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Many thanks for your concern, Ron - and I appreciate the positive energy (I sure as hell need it). I'm doing better than I was a week ago - but I really haven't been resting as much as I should...and I've re-injured my leg/hip several times.

      My cousin Nancy lives nearby and she is a saint. She literally saved my life last summer when I was broke and nearly suicidal (it's a long story). We are the same age and she's like a sister.

      I'm delighted that you like my video. Jane Olivor's rendition of Lalena is SUPERB. Much like you, I discovered her in the 1970's, when I was living in L.A. She's a unique and incredible singer, and - for some strange reason - highly underrated (I love Come in from the Rain).

      Take care and enjoy the weekend (or what's left of it)

      Delete
  8. Jon, thanks to you I have watched several online videos of Jane Oliver in the past week. The duet she did with Johnny Mathis was beautiful and their voices were wonderful together. And like your other blog friends, I hope you will be getting your cousin to help soon. Living alone and in constant pain is definitely not a good situation which you of course know. Sending as many good thoughts as possible.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad you got to discover more of Jane Olivor. She is definitely a unique singer and never got the wide recognition that she deserved.

      From what I heard, she battled stage fright and was ripped off by some record producers. She also had a career hiatus when her husband died of cancer.
      She's now 72. I don't know if she still sings.

      Delete
  9. So sorry for all you're going through, Jon. If it will make you feel any better, I always smile when I see your childhood photo on the sidebar. Cuter than the dickens, as my grandma always said!

    Rest up and accept any help that's offered. XO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How sweet of you! I appreciate the kind thoughts. That photo is one of my favorites. I cropped the close-up. In the original photo I'm at a table holding an open book. I vividly remember when it was taken. I think I was two years old. I yearn for those innocent times.....

      Delete

I love comments. Go ahead and leave one - I won't bite. But make sure you have a rabies shot just in case.