There are reasons why I'm behaving unreasonably these past few months. I have been pulverized with so many unbearable negative obstacles that I can hardly function. I'm nearly emotionally (and physically) destroyed. Depression has penetrated the root of my existence.
Writing about it has become impossible. Maybe.....maybe.....some day.
I am not exaggerating. I've become only a shadow of whom I used to be. I don't give a rat's ass about any aspect of existence. I hate the entire world....and I envy the every day of freedom that you are blessed to enjoy.
I suspect that the kind....and courageous.....readers of my blog are weary of my old photos that they've seen many times. In this hospital bed I only have the photos stored on my phone.
This time photos of past autumns.
It is autumn now, isn't it?
Jon 🍁 unreasonably clueless
Autumnal photography, with commentary! This should enchant you. I think I corrected the typos.
When I lived in the Missouri Ozarks, I was only two miles from Wilsons Creek - which was the site a major battle in the Civil War, August 1861. It took place in the corn field behind me sitting on the fence. Over 2,500 soldiers were killed or missing. I went there every autumn. Very haunting and atmospheric place.
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Maple tree in my back yard in the Ozarks.
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Me by the same tree. The color is way off, it's a lousy Polaroid.
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Every autumn I took endless walks in Maple Park Cemetery in Springfield. It is haunted. This statue marks the grave of a young woman, Melissa Turner. 24 yrs. old 1884. The statue always holds fresh flowers.
When I lived in West Texas (I lived in several towns) I had a house in a very small town on the high plains. I grew these pumpkins in my garden. Difficult to do, with dry dusty soil. The town Floydada was about 50 miles away. They have pumpkin festivals every autumn.
My TX pumpkins in the back yard.
Taken in Texas but I didn't grow this one.
Kitzee, about four months old. I adopted her from the animal shelter in Odessa TX
My reading list is still not showing updates, so I'm glad that I popped on over to your Blog to find a new post.
ReplyDeleteI am never bored of seeing your pictures Jon, especially of sweet Kitzee, and what fabulous pumpkins you grew !
I was so hoping for a tidbit of positive health news, but I completely understand your reluctance to share.
I will continue to kep you in my prayers, and hoping one day you will return to your mountain home.
Hugs,
Jo
All three of my cats are now deceased. and it's heartbreaking to see their photos. I know you can identify with that.
DeleteI grew quite an army of pumpkins but they were small.
Thank you for keep me in your thoughts.
I'm so glad you made time to post, Jon. Please, don't stop.
ReplyDeleteThese images never fail to warm my heart. Thank you!
Truth to tell, they warm my heart too. I'll try to keep blogging. I should purge myself by telling all my endless miseries. Eventually, in between reruns.
DeleteThanks, Myra.
thank you for sending this out to your followers. Great photos and memories. God is an amazing Creator. Call out to Him and He will answer.
ReplyDeleteDeeply in my heart I know you're right. Lately I'm so depressed that prayers evade me. They have to be rational and sincere. Currently I'm completely exhausted with endless negative things to contend with.
DeleteThanks, Susan. I appreciate your thoughts.
I haven't been by in a while Jon. Just thinking of you tonight. So I stopped by. Glad to see you have an update. I too, like the Brit in Tennessee never tire of seeing your photos. Especially your autumn photos. Autumn is my favorite time of year. Probably because that's when I was born. This November I'll be 85. I cannot believe it. That I've lived this long. I have to admit I'm getting tired of living but at least I am still on my own and managing. If it wasn't for Pat in my life I would be long gone. Without him I would just be existing. He comes down for a two week visit Sunday after tomorrow. I should consider myself very lucky because at one time I was in your position. In the hospital for about six months (when I was 17 and contacted a staph infection they couldn't get rid of). Only later on did I find out they didn't expect me to leave the hospital alive. I fooled them.
DeleteKeep posting Jon. You have a lot of people out here in this anonymous blogosphere who love you.
Ron
Ron, I just replied to your comment but accidentally deleted it!!! I'll try again.
DeleteIronically I read your recent blog post tonight, but didn't comment. I hope the dizziness goes away. Sometimes it's an inner ear infection, which goes away in a few days. I had several of them and couldn't stand up.
DeleteI'm glad you have nice neighbors, and Pat is great.
And I remember that horrifying staph infection when you were a kid. Surviving it was a miracle.lll
Despite everything you are hanging in there. That is something.
ReplyDeleteFall is coming. I know it is your favorite time of year, as it is mine.
Glad you posted and that my reader is working again and that I am able to type. Keep posting when you can. :)
I'm hanging by a thread, Rita, but I still read your blog. I'm too mentally exhausted to comment. It's good to hear from you. Take care.
DeleteI am also glad to read a new post, Jon, and venting is ok among friends. You are having a rough time, but hanging in despite everything miserable that comes your way. Thanks for sharing the photos and post when you can because as one of your faithful readers I will always be checking in.
ReplyDeleteI'm presently going through so many horrible things that nobody would believe it or want to hear about it. I know my faithful blogger friends are concerned. I'll reveal my woes eventually. I still visit you blog. Always interesting.
DeleteAnd, can you please repost your mailing address? Thanks, Jon.
ReplyDeleteSignature Health Care
Delete208 N. Duncan St.
Jamestown, TN 38556
Jon Varga Room 105
Jon, I truly love your Fall/Autumn pics. Sweetie, you look like such a hunk lol. You are always on my mind, my dear friend.
ReplyDeleteI like the autumn pics, too. I have many more on my laptop at home. I always think of you and your family of fur babies, and enjoy your outings and the unique things you purchase.
DeleteTake care.
I'm so sorry you've hit a spiral down. I get it. I wish I could wave a magic want...and...well, we all know it doesn't work that way but sure wish it did. I'd be twirling that wand like a majorette! That's actually a scary thought.
ReplyDeleteI know fall is your favorite season as is mine. The leaves are starting to change here in NE Ohio. I so enjoyed your fall pics and can't remember seeing them before. Of course, Ktizee is the highlight for me. You know I always love your Halloween clock.
I just noticed in the sidebar that Scruffy had short dates. Was she/he ill? A real cutie. Did you have Scruffy in TN?
I surely hope things turn the corner here, Jon. You're in our thoughts and am sending good vibes.
Paranormal John
Well John, if you have a magic wand to help me -- twirl away! The leaves are turning here too. I can see one tree from my window.
DeleteWhen I was posting these photos I thought of my Halloween clock and you.
This reply will be continued below...
That's 'wand'....not want.
ReplyDeleteParanormal John
John, when I moved to TN Kitzee was 9 yrs. old. Bosco and Scruffy were about 5 months. They were born in my back yard in TX. Both were very sick, so I took them.Scruffy was a female but I thought she was a male, hence the name. I think she only lived 4 yrs. Respiratory problems.
DeleteThank you for the kitty history. I so miss my kitty Eddie and my Rottweiler, Maax. I no longer have pets. Vet bills are outrageous around here and the responsibility for all that got to be a bit much with aging. We have our memories, Jon.
DeleteSmall world, Jon !
ReplyDeleteThe Ozarks, my paternal ancestors moved there from Ohio just before the Civil War to Christian County, Missouri. My great-great grandfather served in the Missouri militia from 1862-1865. He and his wife had 10 children, he died in Missouri in 1900. In the 1880’s some of the family headed to California and settled in San Francisco. My paternal grandmother had recipes for Missouri specialties passed down to her, Ozark pudding was a favorite :)
Pulling for ya Jon, like everyone here.
-Rj
You have an interesting family history. And your paternal great grandfather served in the Civil War....fascinating.
DeleteAll of my great grandparents were from Hungary. My maternal G..Grandfather and wife had 12 children. 2 born in Hungary, 10 in USA.
Yes, my dear friend it is indeed autumn - our favorite time of the year! Your pics are, as per usual, beautiful and enchanting to me!
ReplyDeleteI wish I had all my photos. Alas, they're filed in my computer. I wish I could enjoy autumn. Huhs to you and kitties. 😸🍁
DeleteHugs!
Delete