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My mother Marie.
I posted this photo several previous times. It's one of my favorite photos because it was taken during the happiest time of her life. She was living in Red River, New Mexico, where her relatives had a summer resort. She worked helping to cook, clean the cabins, and care for the livestock. She had a passion for horses and was an excellent rider.
Many years later......
her favorite yellow roses.
She was an extraordinary pianist (and my first piano teacher). She loved music, art, literature, history, and had an insatiable quest for learning.
Despite the outward appearance of normalcy, my mother existed in the nightmarish realms of a private hell - - having to endure the extreme violence, the constant mental and physical abuse inflicted by my father.
The things that my mom and I endured are nearly impossible to describe and far too painful to remember. Survival was our desperate quest and - in retrospect - it's a miracle that we did survive.
Years later - when I embarked on a wild, reckless path of self-destruction - my mother had the uncanny ability to salvage me from my own demons. She unfailingly gave me courage, hope, rationality, and a sense of desperately-needed self-worth.
Without a doubt, she was an anchor in my sea of chaos.
It doesn't seem possible that she has been gone for nearly fifteen years. I'm left with bittersweet memories and the echoes of gentle ghosts that weave through the distance of faded time.
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In Solvang, California. I like this photo because it's very typical of how she looked.
It had been raining before this photo was taken of mom and I. Just as my father snapped the picture, a ray of sunlight broke through the clouds.
Happy Mother's Day to all, Jon
You were so lucky to have a mother who cared for your and loved you. She looks like she was a charming and lovely woman.
ReplyDeleteSome of us were not so lucky. My own stopped communicating with me when I got into medical school. She had told me I'd never amount to much.
I try, in my waning years, to find forgiveness in my heart for her failings as a mother.
Cheers, and sorry for the less than happy post.
I'm sorry that your mother was so unreasonable and unsupportive. Some things are difficult to forgive. It took me a very long time to forgive my father - he nearly destroyed me. I'm thankful that my mother was my saving grace.
DeleteBoth my parents are gone now. We weren't close but got along better in the later years. You and your mom seemed close and I am sure you miss her a lot. I didn't know what real support felt like until Dagan and Leah have helped me through all this cancer stuff and, before that, my last two moves. It's nice you have good memories of your mom. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that you have Dagan and Leah to help you through difficult times. It's extremely difficult to cope alone. I was an only child, caught in the midst of a nightmarish situation. My father was truly insane - - thank God my mother was able to cope normally.
DeleteAnd now we know where you got your blond locks from!!!! I always enjoyed pictures of your mother...she was so pretty and glamorous. I think it was terrible she had to go through what to did. My father had a temper, and once I think was going to hit me, long story... but my mother cracked him on the hand with a fry pan once. He'd think twice even raising a voice again, after that, lol!!!! At least you have your memories of her on Mother's Day.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that your father didn't resort to physical violence. My father had the worst temper imaginable and he always resorted to physical abuse. I feared him more than anything else on earth - even when I was an adult.
DeleteI am so glad that you and your mother survived such horrible circumstances. In the end, memories are all we have left to hold on to and they can sometimes save our lives.
ReplyDeleteI am not so close to my own mother, but I was very close to my father and his memory has helped pull me through (and still does!) some desperate times in my life. I swear that he is the only reason I am still here. :-)
For some reason, many girls seem to have closer bonds with their fathers rather than their mothers. I'm sure the comforting memory of your father will always sustain you.
DeleteI frequently have dreams about my mother, which confirms that her spirit remains.
Hi Jon, Beatrice (not anonymous) your memories of your mother are very special and that is a precious memory now. My mother is also gone now and we had some difficult times but how I wish she were here now so I could tell her how much I loved her because I realize it wasn’t said enough.
ReplyDeleteI often wish that my mom was still here, so that I could tell her things that were left unsaid. I like to think that the spirits of our mothers are with us , patiently understanding.
DeleteYour mother looked like a movie star! I always enjoy when you share bits and pieces of her here.
ReplyDeleteMothers Day feels really bittersweet. My older granddaugher has chosen to estrange me for reasons unknown; I'm not 'allowed' to even see pictures of her baby ... again, for reasons unknown. Couple that with Regrets for having been a neglectful daughter (at best). These Hallmark holidays suck.
It's really amazing that my mom always looked gorgeous - despite the constant hell she went through with my father. I think he was secretly "proud" of the way she looked - but was also jealous...
DeleteThese endless holidays are really nothing more than money-making rackets.
I'm so sorry that your granddaughter is acting so petty and immature. Life is too short and precious to indulge in such nonsense.. Perhaps one day she'll regret it.....??
She was a lovely lady, thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteYou were lucky to have had the time with her that you did; mine died when I was fairly young.
Glad you are still with us; hoping things are going better for you today 🤗
Kraneia
Thanks, Kranela. I was fortunate to take care of my mom the last four years of her life. At least we finally had some blessed peace.
DeleteYour mother was a survivor, indeed. You are too, Jon. Your mom was a real fashionista. I'm glad she was there for you on many levels. I was fortunate and had great parents.
ReplyDeleteI miss them both. Your father sounded like such a negative force. It's amazing you and your mom survived his wrath. He was a deeply troubled man. We can't un-ring the bell, but move forward the best we can. I hope your days are better, Jon.
Paranormal John
You were very fortunate to have loving parents. My father was the most violent person I ever knew and his temper was beyond terrifying. The chaos that he caused deeply affected me well into adulthood. My mom tried to leave him many (unsuccessful) times - - I won't go into the nightmarish details.
DeleteAnyway I'm thankful that my mother provided sanity and stability.
A wonderful tribute, to her and to survival.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sandi
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