ECHOES OF DISTANT SUMMERS

    Note:

I re-post this at the end of every summer.
Why?
Because I like it.   Jon

 Dwelling continuously in the past is for idle dreamers. Occasionally visiting the past can be nourishment for a hungry soul.

 

There are times when I can close my eyes and make the distance of years melt away......

..... and suddenly I'm on the beach again, young and exuberant, immersed in the drowsy haze of a summer afternoon where the silver glare of sky and water mingle as one, where the soft sand burns my bare feet, and the salty scent of the ocean intoxicates my senses. The soothing, eternal roar of the waves seem to echo like the song of a shell pressed against my ear.

 I cherish those summers of distant memories, because now - - in the present purgatory of a different time and place, in the subtle shadows of my rapidly dwindling existence - - I fully appreciate their value. 

Memories often tend to assume halcyon proportions and our distant pasts sometimes seem better than they really were. Careful scrutiny of my past, however, confirms the fact that it did indeed harbor the best times of my life.

There is a fierce pang of sadness wedged in the heart of my memories, because what I miss most is the innocence and the optimism - - two precious things that I will never have again.

I was fortunate enough to have divided my youthful summers between the west coast and the east coast. 

I lived in Southern California which, in my biased opinion, was the greatest place on earth. I also spent summers on the east coast, the Jersey shore, where most of my relatives were. I was particularly partial to the Pacific Ocean, because it was my territory - - but the Atlantic had its own mesmeric powers. The Pacific - always blue, placid, inviting. The Atlantic - greenish gray, remote, moody.

 West Coast

In California, in Orange County, we lived less than five miles from the beach and it was an integral part of my life. I was well-acquainted with all the beach communities up the coast:
Laguna, Newport, Huntington, Bolsa Chica, Sunset, Seal Beach. 

(Seal Beach was my secret favorite).

Huntington Beach was the closest. Sometimes I'd ride my bike there. Occasionally I'd hitch a ride. All the kids hitched on Beach Boulevard and Pacific Coast Highway.....long ago when things seemed safe.

 The Huntington Beach Pier

Long, hot summer days languishing in the sand at Huntington, absorbing the perpetual sunshine. Eating corn dogs & "strips" (fried tortilla strips with a mild hot sauce). Drinking Cactus Coolers (an orange-pineapple soft drink that I think still exists). Always swimming. Sometimes surfing. Enduring sunburns and jellyfish stings. 

Collecting shells. Sand Dollars were always the greatest treasures.

Midnight bonfires, moonlit walks on the beach when the Grunion were running. Haunting the deserted pier at Seal Beach after midnight. Sailing with friends at Newport Beach on languid, carefree afternoons. Visiting Balboa Island and Catalina Island.

Later, when I had wheels, I'd drive to the beach or go with friends. Day or night, it was my most sacred refuge. 


Sudden flashback:
Driving with my best friend Mike in his red convertible Mustang along Pacific Coast Highway at sunset on the 4th of July. Stereo blaring, the evening alive with magic. Dazzling explosions of fireworks igniting every mile of the shore. The air warm and salty, heavy with the pungent sulfuric smell of  smoke.

  Years later I was best man at Mike's wedding. Marriage inevitably has a way of severing friendships and expunging the exuberance of youth. We lost contact long ago. The carefree days linger like taunting ghosts at the edge of our memories....

The Jersey Shore

East Coast

The east coast was always a blessed escape from unrelenting family problems and my father's insane violence.

I loved the colorful, comforting chaos of being alone in New York City: walking barefooted in Central Park, discovering museums, visiting Lincoln Center. Getting drunk in a sleazy Staten Island bar with my cousin Nancy and her husband Jim. Drinking was a new novelty to me then ( Nancy wasn't fond of drinking, but Jim and I got smashed).

Now, Nancy is a widow.......Jim is gone.......

Horseback riding with my cousin Nancy on early August evenings in the balmy New Jersey countryside. Boating along the Jersey coast and into New York Harbor (several of my relatives had boats). Watching the moon rise from the water in a sultry surrealistic haze. Long walks on the beach at Sandy Hook. Exploring the boardwalks at Asbury Park and Seaside Heights.

Asbury Park, New Jersey
 

Our once-large family has now dwindled drastically. The relatives are all deceased, except for my cousins. Friends have vanished. And lovers. All those whom I truly cherished only remain in faded ghost memories, where distant voices still echo with warmth and laughter......

....and those golden summers linger tenderly in the recesses of my mind:  carefree times when the invincibility of youth deceived us into believing that life is eternal - -

- - where distant memories echo like the taunting pulse of a delicate whisper in a seashell pressed to my ear.

Jon V.        2018

WICKEDLY TIMELESS

Okay, every one - - let's all hold hands and think negative thoughts.....which, if we succeed, might expunge the positive thoughts I offered in my previous post.

After all, nobody wants to hear anything optimistic that might have occurred in my dreadfully drastic existence.

As a start, I will consider removing the photo of the Jeep (where the hell did I get that vehicle, anyway?).

I'm talking nonsense.

I might be wounding you with sarcasm.

My enigmatical blog posts often leave recipients speechless. Other more courageous recipients kindly take time to read between lines - desperately trying extract a semblance of logic and reason.

Logic? Reason?

Only I know what and why I write.

Taking detours far away from tedious, depressing, joyless, foul, endless medical updates would be a unique break.....a  breath of fresh (?) air....

he assumes......

I still brashly (and erroneously) believe that I'm the most interesting person I know.

With several exceptions.

AND NOW

I'll give you what you're waiting for.

A DELICIOUS MEDICAL UPDATE!

Last Friday (August 14th) my followup dr. appt.

I was nervous beyond belief, as to what the ctscan would reveal. My recent petscan yielded so many dire and dismal things, that even  Doctor Johnson was speechless.

On Friday, I was so scared waiting for the doctor that I nearly passed out. The nurse took my blood pressure and said it was completely normal.

The results for my scans were not as bad as expected. I was positive that bone cancer was in my right arm. The pain is INTENSE. The dr. said it is coming from nerve pain. It seems to be bursitis. I'll get treatments for that.

The doctor's biggest concern is my liver and left lung. Since he only deals with radiation, I was transferred to a new oncologist who specializes in chemo, Dr. Penny Heinrich.

I got an appt. with her on Sept 1st.

I had seven weeks of chemo and radiation three years ago.

.....and so it goes....

If this post annoys you, I would gladly put you in my shoes and let you go through the absolute medical HELL that I endured these past three years. Every minute was agony. I held up incredibly well - -

During the past few weeks I'm completely losing strength and sanity. I never knew a depression could be so ravaging. I'm bearly hanging on to a very thin thread.

Jon