JULY WANING

There's nothing more annoying than a frequent blogger.

I'm talking about myself.

If I only blog once in a proverbial blue moon, my existence will become mysterious.

Whatever happened to Jon? Devoured by coyotes? Or finally committed to Bellevue?

If I blog every day, the general consensus will be - - we're tired of that verbose, arrogant, sarcastic Hungarian with his damn piano videos and his endless tales of things that happened eighty years ago.

I depend on my irresistible charm to keep my existence alive (don't ponder that for too long).

Updates? I have a few.

My health is presently okay. I've stopped taking my meds two weeks ago. My blood pressure and heart rate are normal. It seems to me that the edema is slightly diminishing.

I'm presently still without water and nobody yet has looked at the pipes under my house. I'm not worried. Dusty the nurse always keeps his word. There is a shortage of nurses this summer. Three have quit, so those remaining are overworked.

If I could go under the house myself, I would. I used to repair things under there before I got sick. Now it's an impossibility.

On Saturday morning members from a local church are going to haul my trash away. There is no way to describe the amount of trash accumulation that I have since the past two grueling years. There is no trash pickup available here, and I can no longer drive a zillion miles to the city dump.

Due to having all my supplies delivered here, I have hundreds of cardboard boxes. I've disassembled all of them so they can be recycled - - and I must have two hundred bags of trash (there's nothing perishable in them).

I honestly don't know what I'd do without the generous help from others. I'm embarrassed and humiliated, but also humbly grateful.

One extremely good thing has happened.

As I have often said - - I have to have all my supplies and groceries delivered here. The entire tedious process is complex and often expensive. Walmart doesn't deliver perishable food via FedEx. I can only get canned food or things like cereal and crackers.

Fresh groceries from local stores are not allowed to be delivered in rural areas.

If I have to get things like frozen food, I must order deliveries from out-of-state companies.

The only milk I can get is Parmalat, which comes in containers. It is a highly pasteurized milk that has a long shelf life. It will keep unrefrigerated for months - - but once it is opened, it's like regular milk. It then has to be refrigerated and will go bad in a week or so.

To be brutally honest, I have been eating very poorly. I don't have fruit or vegetables. I have to order very expensive bread from Chicago.

So what's the good news?

The local Walmart Supercenter has very recently changed their delivery policies. They will now deliver groceries to my rural area!!!

This will help me immensely. They have same-day deliveries and I can get food within a few hours. Now I will be able to get fruit, vegetables, dairy products, frozen food, and everything else. There's also a deli with salads, sandwiches, and roasted chickens, etc.

Other positive aspects - - the local groceries are less expensive than what I order online, and I won't have to deal with cardboard boxes! They deliver in plastic bags.

I'm going to try my first order next week. I'm extremely excited being able to have "real" food again.

July is waning, only a few days left. Beautiful weather here in rural Tennessee and the temperature has cooled.

Summer is yawning.

Cheers, Jon

THIS IS NOW

Since many of my well - intentioned readers prefer to hear about my mundane every day life, rather than the fantastic adventures I had when I lived in Hollywood......

I will comply with your request.

I said "well - intentioned" to be polite.

Don't take me too seriously. I like to derive confidence through the sarcastic written word. In reality I'm a sweetheart. A very insecure sweetheart.

Let's start with the innocuous things first. I'll get into the rotten stuff later.

About two weeks ago (?)

At around midnight I stepped outside on the front porch. I was only out for about two minutes. When I went back inside I was horrified..........(the dots are intended to increase tension)

to discover that a bird flew into the house! Birds build nests all around the front porch. I must have frightened this one from his (her) nest.

I tried to scoot him (her) to the front door, but he was bewildered and confused. I couldn't catch him. So.....I turned out all the lights and went to bed.

I got up at the crack of dawn. My feathered friend was in the kitchen window, desperately trying to get out. I opened the back door and he (she) flew out!

Happy ending.

I've heard an old adage that a bird in the house will bring good luck.

Take a deep breath. We're getting to the rotten part.

The next day I got one of my mysterious fevers. My temperature was over 102. I get them every few weeks and no one can figure out why.

The next night I was in the kitchen, feeling so rotten that I thought I was going to croak.

Suddenly there was a very loud bang (KAPOW!!!), like an explosion - - and instantly there was the unmistakable sound of rushing water.

Holy crap! A broken pipe!

I immediately turned off the main water valve in the house and the rushing sound stopped.

Abject terror inspired me to call the water department in the morning and had them turn off the main meter - just to be safe.

So, by this time my temperature was nearly 103. I had no water to drink and no money for a plumber.

I immediately went online and ordered a case of bottled water.

Wouldn't you know it? My shipment was delayed in transit and wouldn't get delivered for over a week!

In desperation, I tried my old faithful Walmart online. They could deliver French sparkling water in one day.

So the next day Maison Perrier arrived. It was really refreshing.

The case of water that I initially ordered is still delayed.

Today (Monday, I think) I got a visit from a homecare nurse. Usually I get the female nurses - Amanda, Becky, Misty, Sandra, Claire. They're all good. Dusty, the male nurse, came today and I was glad. He has a knack for getting things done quickly. He's going to try to get someone to look at the pipes under my house.

Anyway......

Before all this crap happened, I had optimistic plans to "redo" my small (very small) kitchen. I planned to resurface the floor, then use floor paint and a clear sealer (I did this in one room of my Texas house and it looked really nice).

I also wanted to buy a cabinet for the new air fryer oven. I already bought a new refrigerator.

I'm keeping the old one for now  because the freezer still works perfectly.

The new refrigerator is a smaller size, but I don't need a gigantic one.

BTW

I was very apprehensive about FedEx delivering a refrigerator, since they sometimes have trouble delivering a box of crackers.

I was absolutely stunned, shocked, gasping in disbelief when I discovered that they brought the refrigerator right up to my front door!!!

Despite being half - dead and hardly able to walk, I managed to drag the 100 lb. refrigerator into the house and maneuver it into the kitchen.

This was rather difficult, because the front part of the house is on a lower level than the back part where the kitchen is. It was unnerving trying to push 100 lbs. up to the kitchen - but I succeeded.

Well, was that more exciting than my Hollywood tales?

Probably. I can make anything sound exciting *smile*

Luv ya, Jon

LITTLE BASTARDS

On September 21, 1955, actor James Dean received his brand new Porsche 500 Spyder racing car, which he christened "The Little Bastard." Nine days later, on September 30th, Dean was killed in his new Porsche on his way to the races in Salina, CA.

(the 130 was the provisional race number for the car)

This has nothing to do with my blog post. My little bastards are different.

Gnats.

Yes, gnats. Every summer, ever since I moved here, I have been mercilessly plagued with gnats. The onslaught is Biblical.

These aren't fruit flies nor drain flies. My little bastards are plain ol' gnats. Unnervingly abundant, extremely aggressive. They buzz in my ears, go up my nose, get in my mouth, get in my eyes.

I have two fans blasting to keep them away - - but it doesn't bother them. 

I found one floating in my cup of coffee. I now cover the cups with aluminum foil.

I can't eat soup in a bowl. I have to eat it from the pot, keeping the lid on after every bite (or rather slurp).

Every meal that I eat has to be carefully covered, while I take fast bites inbetween.....

When I'm using my cell phone, they scurry across the screen.

My entire existence is tortured by gnats. Bug spray doesn't bother them.

One ploy, however, does work. If you leave out a bowl of vinegar it will attract and kill hundreds of gnats. One or two drops of dishwashing liquid could be added, to keep them from crawling out.

Presently I don't have vinegar, but it will be on my next list.

So how am I doing?

A new nurse came last Tuesday. My blood pressure and heart rate are normal. No fever.....yet.

My old refrigerator is nearly dead. I'm thinking about ordering a new one today, but..... if FedEx has trouble delivering a box of crackers, what the hell will they do with a refrigerator??

How about some photos- -

I've finally been using my new cell phone to take pictures - better quality than the old one. My front "yard" yesterday. Beautiful weather, but in the 90s.

By the side of my house, a path to the forest.

A part of my dusty living room. One piano and an antique desk.

The air fryer oven arrived

 yesterday. Didn't unpack it because there's nowhere to put

 it! Everything in the kitchen

 needs to be rearranged.

Found this in a drawer a few days ago. My security guard badge when I worked at Hughes Aircraft. When I was at Goodwill Industries (with the murderer) I worked for Burns Security.

You can read about the murder on my previous post, "Midnight Shift".

More info.- -

Robert was his real name. I forgot to mention that his deceased wife worked for a medical company, which is why Robert knew so much about drugs, etc.

Most murderers enjoy talking about their crimes. Robert confessed many horrifying things to me, which I didn't reveal on my blog post.

I had a newspaper article (Orange County Register) about the murder, but it is lost.

Goodwill tried to suppress the story because they didn't want bad publicity. The young man who was murdered (and resembled me) was named John, but I can't remember his surname.

If this happened nowadays I'm certain that there would have been more publicity.

I'm positive that Robert put the body in the trash compactor on my shift. The gate to the yard had been accidentally left open.

Later that night, when I discovered the open gate, I saw Robert's white Lincoln Continental drive by.

Cheers, Jon

P.S.

I'm shamelessly pimping my previous post for those who haven't read it....