HEART OF THE LOST

 

By some technological miracle, I have an Internet connection so I'm writing a new post. Nothing interesting nor important. Just confirming the fact of my existence. Probably typos, because my right arm hurts so much that I can hardly type.

Before I go into updates, I want to turn back the clock - to the 1st of June, 2023. Now, over three years ago. That was the horrible day when my long medical journey began. I knew at least a year previously that I was seriously ill. A tumor on my pelvis, directly on the main artery, which caused massive hemorrhages. At the time I didn't have medical insurance and was too frightened to get help.

The things I went through were so terrifying that I wouldn't want to describe it on this (public) blog.

Incredibly, during that time I still managed to blog - but my posts were strange, disjointed, depressing. Nobody knew how I was suffering. I hinted....but hints mean nothing.

During this time, I made the video "Heart of the Lost" (the title is from the music, written by Ean Grimm). I posted the video...and no one knew what it meant.

I never revealed my desperate plan. I went into the forest by my house. A final walk. I found a perfect spot nestled in the busom of the trees. I sat there for hours, clutching the ample bottle of pills. 

I yearned for the final sleep, which would come gently....... soon the wild, free spirit of a white wolf would roam forever freely in the peaceful place I loved.

It was as simple as that.

I didn't go through my plan. It was night when I got home.

The 1st of June

I had lost so much blood that I started having mild heart attacks. I could no longer walk. I stumbled to the front porch, called 911, and passed out on the porch.

A long journey....the doctors at Centennial in Nashville told me there was no hope. I was sent back to Cookeville, where I had seven weeks of chemo and radiation.

A guardian angel had mercy.

That's the past. What about now?

Medically, I'm having more problems. I don't want to exhaust myself (or you) with tedious details. After six long weeks, I finally have an appointment with my oncologist in Cookeville (July 14th). Good news.....but I'm apprehensive.

I wish it could have been sooner.

I wish this post wasn't so gloomy. I'm exhausted mentally and physically. My sense of humor has vanished.

Jon ❤️ valiently...hanging.....on

I'll try to post more often, if I still have an Internet connection. Thanks for being there. I know you are.

INDEPENDENCE DAY

 After nearly two weeks without an Internet connection, I finally got a connection this morning. Miracle! I'll try to write this post quickly, in case the Gods of Technology heard me and take it away.

Also, I have such severe pain in my right arm that I can hardly type. I don't want to give a medical update, because it is dismal and my depression is profound. No need for alarm. I'm hanging on by a thin thread, but I'll be damned if I let go.

I'm still at Signature in Jamestown.

Well, with Internet I can order some food from Walmart this week. The highlite (light?) of my dreary existence.

I have a lot to say, but I'll drastically condense. July has arrived. It's in the 90s here, between endless thunderstorms. There was a tornado warning and power outage a few nights ago. No damage.

I hope everyone has a joyous holiday weekend. Be thankful for the positive things you have. They are precious.

I had this doggie for many years. He had an outfit for every month. When I moved to Tennessee, the outfits were there...but the dog was missing.

Jon, patriotic in Texas

Another piano video. These are 

my variations on "When Johnny Comes Marching Home". The photos are not AI, they're original from the Civil War.

Lousy audio  but it's an old tape.

Jon  💙

Just received some bad news from insurance....just what I need to destroy my weekend.

P.S.It's Friday night and another severe storm is here. So much lightning, no need for fireworks.

P.S AGAIN

I think I finally have a much-needed appt. with my oncologist  next week (after nearly two months).