I wish you could have been with me on the way to the hospital. The ambulance had large back windows and I had a spectacular view.
A bitterly cold December sky infused with a colorful palette inspired by winter dreams. Massive clouds soft as grey kitten fur with subtle streaks of timid violet and pale copper. Between drifting clouds the heavens brightened with brazen glimpses of auzere. The entire sky is bathed in an amber glow - an overlay of indirect waning daylight. When sunlight suddenly bursts through the clouds, a dazzling illumination of brillant gold appears, - - like a smile at the end of a prayer.
Hills, more hills, forests everywhere, gentle meadows, all bathed in magical December light.
Tennessee is truly beautiful.
Suddenly we have arrived. I see the sign Livingston Regional Hospital. Emergency Room.
This was on Monday, December 4th - - exactly two weeks since I was discharged from rehab.
The horrifying thought of another hospital visit was almost impossible to conceive.
It happened early Monday afternoon, when my new homecare nurse noticed my very swollen legs. I was fully aware of them. They were swollen for nearly two months when I was in rehab. I could hardly lift my legs. My knees were so stiff that it was excruciating to move. Yet, I managed to pass the physical evaluation tests with flying colors.
When I finally came home, (from rehab) I was so weak and exhausted that I could barely navigate. I sometimes screamed with pain and frustration.
The doctors at the ER in Livingston said that I have congestive heart failure, resulting in edema.
My mind was completely numb. I didn't comprehend or care. I've already been through far too much. I was immediately treated with a diuretic or some such thing. Made me pee every five minutes. I didn't care. I received medications and tests all night long.
Let's fast-forward to Wednesday (that's today). The swelling reduced. I can move my knees again. The doctor saw me early in the morning with results of my tests. I have a heart murmur (I knew that since I was eighteen). The valve that pumps the majority of the blood is weakened and slow, but apparently not extremely dangerous (?). He stunned me by saying that I'd be discharged today.
The driver who took me home was an elderly man who BLASTED rock music, smoked, and drove recklessly. I was positive I'd die en route.
I managed to walk up the porch stairs with very little help. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I got inside.
But my troubles weren't over.
I remembered that I had packages delivered on Monday and Tuesday. Walmart and FedEx confirmed the deliveries.
My biggest fear had materialized. They were (undoubtedly) stolen. Two big boxes of groceries and a new mattress for my bed. Way,way over $350, which is a fortune to me. Last week I paid $300 to have the furnace fixed.
I could cry, but I'm too damn exhausted. Completely absolutely thoroughly exhausted with every aspect of my existence.
I could tell you about all the other problems and obstacles that I had since I've been home - - but what's the use?
There finally comes a time when hope, optimism, and endurance fades and the uphill struggle of life leaves me completely breathless. Jon
Header photo of my bedroom window, taken a few minutes ago from my cell phone.
Well John, it does seem as though you can't catch a break. All you can do is try to make the best of a bad situation. I know how it is to live on a small amount of money; Cliff and I have done that pretty much all our lives. Now we're living on Social Security, and we have more money to spend than we've ever had. The trouble is, we're so old we can't really do anything or go anywhere; except the doctors' offices. Going to Walmart is about the wildest thing we do. I have a Zen Buddhist book somewhere that has a sort of poem that says, "Relax. You're going to die." I think of it often these days. I'm surprised I've lived this long. I will keep you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to be one rotten thing after another. I'm glad to be home again even though it's difficult. Ironically I lived here nine years and nothing was evet stolen. I'm away at the hospital two days and the culprits came.
DeleteI was always very frugal even when I had money. It took me 20 years to buy a new mattress - and it "vanished"
Life can be a bummer.
I meant "ever" not evet
DeleteOh, this hurts my heart. And during the holiday season, too! Is there any way you can challenge the charges on your card -- particularly the mattress -- or ask the merchant(s) to send a replacement? On the flip side, I'm relieved your home healthcare nurse spotted the edema and summoned transport. CHF is more common than what we'd like to believe, but it sounds like yours was discovered in time.
ReplyDelete"What's the use?" I've no answers, but hope you'll continue fighting and hanging in -- both for Bosco and your friends here in Blogville who care. Praying!
My heart isn't in the holiday spirit this year - - it's just another miserable day.
DeleteI'm surprised that no one else noticed the edema. I think it's best to have it taken care of. I now have about half a dozen prescriptions to take.
I no longer have a credit card (my decision). I usually pay via PayPal or echecks.
Despite the many obstacles, I'm plugging along. It's a good thing Bosco isn't here yet, while I had this latest hospital visit.
This really sucks. CHF is pretty well treated with diuretics and cardiac meds, thankfully. Peeing every 5 minutes is a pain and highly inconvenient. I'm on diuretics, too, so I 'get it'.
ReplyDeleteThat's a damn shame your items were stolen. Someone is apparently roaming the area, which is creepy. I'd try contacting your credit card and reporting what happened. Not sure what can be done. Did you report it to the authorities? Not that they can do anything at this point except keep an eye on your place. Not so sure how that works in a very rural area? Utilize your resources the best you can and may the New Year bring better things. I'm rooting for you.
Paranormal John
My life seems to be one big Zonker after another. I never knew about edema or diuretics until three days ago. Thank goodness for the home health care providers.
DeleteI didn't contact the authorities about the stolen items. It's usually safe here. When I was gone for six months, my door was unlocked(!!!). The police never come around this way.
Well, all I can do is struggle gorward and roll with the punches *ouch!*
Forward, not gorward
DeleteAbsolutely I'd tell the companies about the situation and that they were stolen. Maybe you can get a replacement for the orders. You did not receive them. It's worth a try. That's a bloody fortune to me, too!
ReplyDeleteWith congestive heart failure they often bring you in and get the edema and fluids down and send you home fairly quickly. Several people in my family have had it and my BFF from high school. It's good you were able to climb the stairs well afterwards when you got home. That's a huge plus.
So sorry this is happening to you. Hang in there.
I'll at least to try to get my money back for the mattress. That really angered me!
DeleteI admittedly don't know much about medical issues. When they said heart failure, I pictured open heart surgery and six more months away from home. Anyway, I was surprised that I could walk up the stairs.
You and I are amazingly resilient. Few people could endure all the torture that we went through.
Call the places you ordered them from. They probably have insurance to cover that and will send you new ones.
ReplyDeleteI'll give it a try even though I'm perpetually pessimistic. Well, heck, I have nothing to lose....
DeleteThat was definitely a roller coaster ride home. I kept thinking we'd go over a cliff.
ReplyDeleteWhen I lived in Texas I had four vehicles. I sold my truck just before I moved to TN.
There are a fair amount of financial resources here, but it can be tricky. If you have one, you'll probably lose the others.
Sorry to hear that your health problems are continuing, especially since you have already worked so diligently to have made such progress. Gratefully, you have made it back home again, and have your peace and serenity once again.
ReplyDeleteUnless you know for certain usually a delivery confirmation that your items were delivered on the correct days, I'd contact Walmart, they have been running behind with their deliveries in our area at least. It may be time to invest in a RING camera for surveillance and peace of mind.
Keeping you in my prayers Jon.
Blessings,
Jo
I was delighted that I was in Livingston only for a few days. If it was any longer I would have been very depressed. It took me six months to get home and I'm still recovering from the psychological shock.
DeleteI will contact Walmart. Sometimes their deliveries are late, but this one was marked as delivered on time.
Many thanks for your prayers and positive thoughts. I sure as heck need them!
I'm reading this after the post where the goods were safely finally home. My sister had congestive hf for years, once she got the hang of managing it, she went to 92. It sounds so dramatic, and it's tricky, but you've got this. And I hope your spirits are rising a bit now. A good mattress is vital.
ReplyDeleteIt's encouraging to know that your sister made it to 92. At least now I'm being monitored and given medication. My spirits have been lifted now and I hope the mattress will help.
DeleteAs always, thanks for your comment!
Just read the previous post, Jon, so know that you did get the ordered items re-delivered from the neighbor. And, while this post describes an unwelcome trip back to a hospital, the first paragraphs in which you described the sky, clouds, lighting were so poetic. You are a gifted writer, my friend.
ReplyDeleteI was so relieved that my packages were not stolen but only a delivery mishap. It brightened my entire week.
DeleteThanks for appreciating my (humble) writing.