Monday, February 23, 2015


I had planned on posting some of my personal Hollywood stories this week in honor of the Academy Awards (like the time I single-handedly crashed the Oscars when I was eighteen).

Instead, I'm delivering boring updates about blizzards, disasters on ice, and raw survival in the Tennessee wilderness. Nobody wants to hear about pain and misery. Nobody wants to get too close to my foul mood. It could be contagious.

So, are you feeling any better today, Jon?

Let me put it this way:
It took me half an hour to crawl out of bed and another twenty minutes to inspire my legs to take steps. I looked like I was playing Clara in an amature production of Heidi.

I thought I was doing better, but I still ache all over and get agonizing jolts of pain in my back, spine, and legs every time I move - -which is quite often.

Is the weather improving?

Definitely. Instead of heavy snow, hurricane-force winds, and temps of minus 15, we're now blessed with light snow, occasional arctic gusts, and temps above zero.
I'd call it progress.

I still have broken pipes (well, not me, exactly) but no plumber in his right mind could venture out here without a sled, a team of huskies, and an Inuit guide. 

I have food, but I ran out of water yesterday. The only liquids I have left are two cans of Pepsi, a little ginger ale, and a case of beer.
And the tears I've been shedding at the prospect of perishing here.

I've been filling pans with snow and heating them for water. I've been mixing half milk and half snow to make coffee. It's not half bad.

Yesterday morning I was out gathering snow and almost slipped again. I did a reasonable facsimile of a Hamill Camel and managed to slide in the back door.

A glimpse of my front yard:
somewhere under the ice
is a way out

My driveway is solid ice, so there's no way I would attempt to venture into town. Well, actually, it's not a driveway. It's a long unpaved trail of gravel and mud that even scares the shit of me on sunny mild days.

Well Jon, you moved to Tennessee so you could experience new adventures in the wilderness.

Yea, right. But I had visions of Bambi, Old Yeller, and the von Trapp family singing Edelweiss. I wasn't expecting the Donner Party.

On the bright side - I looked with a magnifying glass and found one - the electric power here in the mountains was restored in one day. The power at my cousin's house (who lives much closer to town) wasn't restored until a few hours ago. Her cell phone is resuscitated and we spoke earlier today. But her driveway is blocked with fallen trees and ice.

One way or another, I'm going to be forced to drive into town soon. I'm running low on supplies and can't wait until the August thaw.
I also have to petition a plumber with a personal plea (or bribe) to come to my house and fix the pipes. I figure tears might work - - if I have any left by then.......

The title of this post is misleading, but it's all I could come up with. My creativity is frozen.......


  1. Your mood sounds improved, though your body is racked with pain. Still thinking emergency services could send a rescue team in to aid you with supplies and medical help up on that mountain top because of your injury and isolated location. A car trip down the side of that mountain sounds too dangerous to me. You could end up in a ditch or worse. Especially if you have to risk life and limb just getting out to the car before it ever leaves the driveway. Tears can be quite effective, it's true in trying to goad the plumber to fix the pipes. Also dramatically invoking the fact you are a senior citizen can help too. Technically you can do this if you're a mere 50 years of age. If not, no one could blame you for a well placed lie given the dire circumstances you face. Plumbers make alot of money and should see this as an employment opportunity, sled dogs or not. I am glad the weather conditions there have improved, also that you have heat, power and communication with your cousin. Continue to be vigilant. This too shall pass.

  2. Glad you checked in. Sounds like the weather may be a little bit of improvement. How are the kitties holding up? Probably not worried and just sleeping in your bed under the covers.

  3. Oh Jon, I just read your post. Thank goodness you didn't damage your leg or dislocate your knee pad dislocate like-minded and he forced to hobble around on a cane and now a crutch which I am doing now. Innoway I'm luckier than you because I have a Bill here and he is driving me around (to get the crutch) and to my appointment at the Health campus this morning to get an MRI to see how much damage was done to my left leg, and that that wasn't fun half an hour claustrophobia. Then we went to the store and I stocked up on food for at least two weeks so I wouldn't have to crawl back into the core actio back in and Bill has to lift my leg and I actually use one of those those contraptions that fat people ride around Walmart. Not to make this too long to comment but I hope you get your water back on to because I just can imagine that without water and what you're doing now and please be careful when you're outside because you can do some serious damage just like I did so easily. And again long-range is that where you really want to live? Here's hoping things turn around quickly for you Jon and the sun shines through and you're in your personal Shangri-La. Take care.

  4. Stay warm and safe. Penguins can be good company - such sweet curious birds. But they are not the warmest of companions.

  5. Why am I chuckling? Your predicament the least bit funny, but your comment about the Von Trapps v. the Dommer Party struck my funny bone.
    Again, I'm compelled to ditto what Taryterre wrote. Wise woman. No more coughing up blood, I hope?

    PS - When all this becomes a really bad memory, I'd love to hear your story about crashing the Oscars!

  6. I hope your weather has cleared up some and a plumber has been up to your house. It is getting colder here tonight and we're only 30 minutes away from the Florida line, and they say it's warmer in Florida. Ha. Well at least we don't have snow to worry about. Take care, Jean.

  7. Your resourcefulness is admirable. Very glad to hear electricity and communications have been restored. If you can organize an expedition to the nearest town, I hope you do so --safer than hazarding the trip on your own. Two or three vehicles would eliminate the danger of any one car breaking down.

  8. The answer is to get a team of huskies. I guess you can't get that till you reach town, and by then it might be too late for this year. But consider putting it on the shopping list for next year...
    I am sorry to hear you are still in pain, and I think you're doing the right thing to keep moving even if you feel like stamping your feet! I hope it thaws soon.

  9. Sorry you are having water and ice trouble and you're in pain...but....You make me laugh and I'm so glad. Just drove home from Raleigh, if you've seen the news you know they had a MAJOR weather event this morning...had to wait 4 hours for DOT to clear the roads of car accidents ( over 400 accidents during rush hour) then drove about 75 miles in the tail end of their blizzard...I needed your blog tonight...

  10. "It took me half an hour to crawl out of bed and another twenty minutes to inspire my legs to take steps" - or as Charlie Sheen calls it, Thursday.


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