Sunday, December 13, 2015

B DAY







I don't want candles on the cake. Too great a risk for starting a forest fire. Anyway, I no longer have the energy to blow them out.

I've always considered the ritual of blowing out candles to be unsanitary. In the process, spittle and slop gets all over the cake - and then the guests have to eat it.

I won't have any guests to worry about. Only my trio of cats will be here. I probably won't have a cake, either. The nearest decent bakery is about 1,000 miles away (possible exaggeration) and I'm too damn lazy to bake one.

There's absolutely no joy in birthdays as one grows older. Anyone who tells you "the best is yet to come" is full of shit. Happy Birthday wishes are mandatory fabrications of goodwill.... meaningless to the donors and embarrassing to the recipients. 

I remember a time long-ago when I looked incredibly young for my age. It was a deliciously encouraging illusion. I thought I was Dorian Gray. I never worried. As the years passed, however, I started worrying and began lying about my age. Soon I was lying outrageously.

Then a time finally came when lying was hopeless. Even if I shaved ten years off, I'd still be old. That hurt.

True age becomes evident when you're at the checkout counter in a store. There was a time when the cashiers flirted with me.
Eventually they started calling me "Sir". That's when I really got worried.

Lately - if my sole purchase is a carton of eggs - the bag boy will ask "Do you need help carrying the eggs out, Sir?"

No, you cheeky little bastard. But you can help carry my balls. 

Am I exaggerating a little bit?
Naw, I wouldn't even think of it. 

Am I old? Heck, yea. But I'm not ancient. 
How old am I, exactly?

Hey, I might be an easy lay, but personal numbers will never be easily extracted from me.
If you must know - - I'm exactly between Has Seen Better Days and Almost Near Death's Door.

(the main reason I love blogging is because I always manage to amuse myself) 

Since most of my personal photos are still stored on my old desktop computer, I only have a handful of readily available ones to choose from. That's why I keep using the same photos over and over. I know you've already seen them. Just be polite and pretend you didn't.

The photo at the top of this post was taken in New Brunswick, New Jersey at the Thomas Studio. Thomas was the most popular photographer in the city. All of my relatives had photos taken by Thomas. I distinctly remember when that photo was taken. The outfit I was wearing was navy blue and white.

Thanks for clarifying that, Jon. We always assumed that your early photos were taken by Matthew Brady.

No, but a few later ones were. 

This is how I look now - a ravaged relic after years of heavy drinking and relentless carousing. A self-portrait that I took one day when I was soused. (actually I was very sunburned when this was taken) 

Endangered indeed.



 

My other blog
   Cabinet of Curious Treasures



25 comments:

  1. well, I just edited my blog post to include you in my birthday salute, so nyah nyah nyah, you can't do anything about that!

    I figure you and I are about the same age. matthew brady - bwhahahahahaha!

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    1. Well, hell, I don't get saluted very often - - unless it's with a middle finger. I appreciate your kind acknowledgement of me.

      Without revealing too much, I am somewhat younger than most of my fellow bloggers....and that is a small (very small) consolation.

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  2. Isn't happy birthday the usual greeting? I'll just say take care of yourself so you can be here years down the line to amuse us.

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    1. I suppose it's better than saying "unhappy birthday". It's always my pleasure to amuse you.

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  3. If I abbreviate it will you let it slip through? Okay, here goes. Many H.R.s for today, Jon. Though I do know how you feel. For a long time my most comforting b/day thought was not to rejoice for having achieved one more year but rather to take delight in there being one less to go, while this body crumbles around me. I guess you'd concur. But whatever you're doing, even if nothing special, I do wish you all the very best for today and for the future, perhaps even with some improvement(s)?

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    1. Ray, your kind thoughts are greatly appreciated. I admittedly feel more gloomy with every passing birthday, but sympathetic friends make it easier. Age is only a number - - a number I'd best forget.....

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  4. Jon,
    The birthdays really seem to roll around fast don't they? I too was taken aback when I was first addressed as "Sir" by a store clerk. I had to look behind me to see who he was talking too. As far as the "best is yet to come." Jon, don't give up. I never did and believe me, aside from the aches and pains of old age, I am living the best time of my life right now. Wonderful home, enough money to get by, loving spouse, wonderful, sexy boyfriend (sexiest man I've ever know in my life with a perfect body) and just a nice guy. If I die tomorrow, I will die a happy blogger because all my dreams have been fulfilled as I am sure yours will too. My best to you on your birthday Jon!
    Ron

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    1. It's very true, Ron, that the years go faster and faster. I can hardly keep up with them. The best thing is to keep enjoying life to the fullest - as you are doing - and to b thankful that we are still able to navigate.
      There are still blessings among the negatives.

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  5. Jon, my aim has always been to retire in the company of good minds. Easier to do on a world with you in it. Glad you got born. Glad you're here.

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    1. Coming from such an incredibly creative mind as yours, that's a real compliment. Thanks, Geo.

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  6. Enjoy the day, as long as there is life in the years, we will keep adding years to the life.

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    1. Very true words - - mucho gracias!

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  7. Glad you took that ride down the birth canal. :-) If not, we wouldn't be able to enjoy your blog today! Take care and enjoy your day, H B, Sheila

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    1. That's a unique way of putting it. Thanks a lot, Sheila - and have a great holiday season!

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  8. Thought I'd SURPRISE you with a comment on your birthday Jon! Still lurking here with regularity. Best wishes to you today and always!

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    1. Holy Crap - - what a fantastic surprise!!! It's great to know that you're still lurking. Have a great holiday season, Kat, and keep in touch.

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  9. You won the lottery! Defying all odds, you were born! Celebrate in whatever way you want to.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. In retrospect, I did indeed defy odds - - and perhaps a celebration is in order, just for spite!

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  10. I'm going to be traditional and say Happy Birthday Jon!!! I'm glad you're here. I know it may seem harder with each year that passes but life is truly a gift. Thank you for your blog and I look forward to many more to come! (Birthday hugs)

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    1. There's nothing wrong with tradition, Amanda - - and I need the hugs. Many thanks!

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  11. I'm with you on this one. Not eager to continually be reminded of my advancing years. As they say, though, growing older is a bit better than the alternatives.

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    1. I'll reluctantly admit that aging is better than the alternative......

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  12. Well, happy birthday anyhow, and I agree with The Geezers about what the alternative is! I hope you did get around to baking a cake. I always like an excuse for cake. :)

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  13. Well, I never did get around to baking a cake - - but I decided that I'll bake one for Christmas.

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  14. I'm glad we grew up
    when we did
    all the best to you, Jon

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