PRAYERS OF THE LOST

Prayers of the Lost

There was a time long ago when I'd drink until I didn't know myself. And I'd wake up just before dawn, in an unknown room beside a sleeping stranger.

I'd quickly silently dress, and leave before the savage light of dawn revealed us.

Escape. 

It was escape from reality. I'd pray that it wouldn't happen again......but by the next night my prayers were lost.

Now, in this current putrid reality that I don't want to know - - my paltry escape consists of making artificial intelligence images....and posting music videos on a worthless blog.

Escape.

Escape from doctors, nurses, nurse's aides, endless meds, ravaging pain, tests, wound care, bed baths, relentless confinement.

Hell would be better, but there is no hell. Hell is what we endure here on earth. And there's plenty of it.

But you don't care about my intriguing writing. You want to hear about what happened on Good Friday.

The walnut-sized lump on my right arm isn't a cyst. It's squamous cell carcinoma. Located on a vein or artery....heck if I know. Ever since I had the biopsy it bleeds profusely if I make the slightest wrong move.

On Good Friday I made the slightest wrong move.

I needed to roll on my side. In order to do it, I had to grasp the bars on the side of the bed with both hands. I immediately felt the strain in my right arm. I knew what happened.

I quickly rolled on my back and felt the warm liquid gushing from the bandage on my right arm.

This wasn't mere bleeding. It was a hemorrhage.

I had nothing to staunch the blood with. It was covering my hospital gown, the sheets, the pillow case. I frantically pressed the CALL button. It took seemingly forever for a nurse to come.

She was stunned. She had to get bandages and whatever the hell is needed for emergency care. Another nurse arrived - - and eventually a doctor.

My bleeding arm was bandaged like a mummy. They had to unwrap it. The more they unraveled, the more blood poured out. "Don't look, Jon," someone said. "Don't look."

I glanced out of the corner of my eye and was absolutely stunned. Blood was gushing everywhere, everything was soaked.

I was later told that everyone expected me to pass out.

I'll be damned if I'd pass out. I literally forced myself to stay conscious. Not an easy task, believe me.

I don't know exactly who was doing what - - and I don't know exactly how the bleeding was finally stopped.

I survived. It was one helluva ordeal. Eventually just about everyone in the building was talking about it.

Now the bandages are carefully monitered. And I'm careful how I use my arm.

I tried to talk them out of giving me blood thinners, but I got a lecture about how I need them.

As if the hemorrhage adventure wasn't enough, I now have some kind of serious infection. Could be sepsis...(?) who knows.

I'm getting strong antibiotics intravenously. So I have an IV in my left arm.

So what else is new?

Too much to tell around here. The complications never end.

I cancelled my (end of April) appointment for cataract surgery. To hell with it. I have enough problems.

Constant thunderstorms around here.

I finally set up my new Samsung Galaxy tablet. I love it, but I still do a lot on my phone (I'm typing on my phone now).

A kind nurse brought me food from McDonald's last night. I devoured it like it was my last supper ( this is a different nurse than the one who brought me food from Taco Bell).

I've been secretly eating candy that I ordered from Walmart. They send it from the local store here in town.

Lots more to tell but I'm not in the mood to expound.

Jon  💜 probably bloodless

P.S.

I always greatly appreciate your comments and try to reply whenever possible. A strange thing happened today, Sandi wrote a long comment - which you can read below.

I wrote a long reply and when I tried to post it, it disappeared. I wrote a second reply which was posted. I just returned to my blog - - and my second reply vanished! This is extremely annoying. I don"t want to risk a third reply in the comment section, so I'm going to write it here.

My reply is nothing special, but I have no clue why it keeps disappearing. I'm hoping the third time will be the proverbial "charm".

Sandi, thank you for taking the time to write your comment. When I described my blog as being "worthless", it was undoubtedly a sarcastic thought ( sarcasm is my middle name and I utilize it often). Long ago I used to loathe myself. In recent years, I've learned to be my own best friend. I (secretly) know my self-worth.

My long ago escapes were indeed "escapades", but dark and dangerous ones. The one I described in this post was nothing compared to all the other things I did.  I often jest, saying that the things I did would make Satan blush.

Jesus said that he came to save the sinners, not the righteous. The incident that you mentioned concerning the adulteress is a perfect example. He put the woman's accusers to shame.

Somewhere in Matthew (chapter nine, I think) Jesus had a meal in the house of tax collectors and people of ill repute. The Pharisees chastized him. He always treated the sinners with tolerance, tactfulness, and patience.

Jesus was God's representative. God listens to everyone who is humble and .sincere no matter who you are. He has answered many of my prayers.

Prayers are potent.

Thanks, Sandi