The last few days of April. Finally finally some sunshine and mild temperatures (but it was very chilly last night). The house is always cold - like the catacombs of death.
Been teetering on the deep edge lately, hanging on by a thin thread. My frustration, anger, disgust, and profound depression have nothing to do with blogging or bloggers,
I'm hopelessly immersed in my own personal problems, which seem to multiply and intensify every day. Overwhelming problems having to do with existing in this ruthless wilderness, and even more overwhelming issues with my health.
Every night I pray that I'll never wake up and have to face another day. Yet, if anything ever happened to me way out here in Nowhereland, nobody would ever find me. And I'm beginning to think no one would care.
I've been such an uncommunicative hermit for so long that my friends and relatives (and I mean ALL relatives) have distanced themselves from me.
I finally sent my relatives an email greeting on Easter. Only one person bothered to answer (thank you "M" - you know who you are).
Am I pitying myself? Hell, no. Just stating facts. Am I looking for sympathy? Hell, no again. Never got any in my entire life. Don't need it now.
If I can get a grip on my multitudinous health issues, I'll survive.
One of the latest maladies:
due to several old spinal injuries that never healed properly, I'm having more and more difficulty standing and walking.
At night, in bed, my legs often go completely numb and I can't move at all. Then, very suddenly, I'll get excruciating spasms in my knees and hips that are so intensely painful that I actually scream in pain - and somehow manage to pull myself off the bed and onto the floor.
I won't dare tell about the other physical problems I have.
Doctors??
Some people gleefully visit doctors as a career ( I'm not talking about those with serious medical conditions). It's not easy when they're (drs.) hundreds of miles away. I don't want surgery. Don't want to be hooked on pills or medication.
It isn't my intention for this post to be so dark and dismal, I'm merely giving a glimpse of my situation.
I won't mention the influx of mice, the squirrels in the roof, the 'possums under the house, the alarmingly aggressive wasps - the problems with the water heater and drain - the mud outside up to my ass, the weeds and brush taller than me (no lie)...or the perilous, harrowing, endless drive to town when I need a frickin' gallon of milk......or the trash piling up because it won't fit in my car to haul to town....
I'm on a reckless rant. Stop me before I hurt somebody. Or myself.
On the bright side -
(bright side?? hahahahaha)
I'm making good progress in the house - cleaning, repairing, doing things that I should have done long ago. The rooms are looking decent.
The garage is the biggest nightmare. Just thinking of it scares me.
I decided that I'm definitely getting a new computer. My old laptop is fine - but showing subtle signs of age (much like myself).
I also want to get a new electric keyboard (musical instrument). My old one disappeared (lost?stolen?) when I moved to Tennessee.
This post is too long. Said too much. Bored everyone with my problems.
It was a purge. An emotional outlet.
Photos taken today:
Kitzee (also known as Scratch), being watched by a ceramic cat that I got somewhere in Texas. The colorful wooden box is from Europe.
