Why apathetic?
Because that's how I've felt for at least the past year - probably longer. I have no motivation, no passion, no burning desire to do anything.
I'm thoroughly tired of blogging, which - in essence - is a thankless and unproductive preoccupation. I mostly blog to convince myself that I'm still alive. And to absorb validation from the greatly appreciated but increasingly minimal input that I receive from readers.
It's way after 4:00 a.m. and I should really be safely ensconced in bed, but instead I'm sitting here in the kitchen on a very cold night - drinking beer (of all things), which occasionally induces a peculiar psychological reaction similar to that inspired by ethanol. Or scopolamine. Or perhaps amobarbital.
But I digress.
A few years ago, one of the most enthusiastic critics of my blog told me that I write far too much about myself
and
I have a narcissistic way of "manipulating" my posts to always make myself look good.
Here's a reality check:
I'm multi-talented, easy on the eyes, extremely witty, and almost unbearably intriguing.
I don't have any need to deliberately make myself look good.
I just said that to infuriate my detractors.
The grim truth ( thanks to the Budweiser truth serum) is that lately I've been so bland and blase that I bore myself.
Every time I attempt to write a blog post I ask myself
How many creative ways can I write about my cats or the damn forest or all the problems I have living here in the friggin' wilderness?
How can I possibly force myself to sound vibrant and optimistic when I feel half-dead and semi-suicidal most of the time?
I said SEMI-suicidal so as not to alarm you.
It's now after 5:00 a.m. and I should probably think about going to bed where I can immerse myself in the deceptive realms of Dreamland.
I mostly stayed up tonight to keep an eye on the water pipes and make sure they don't freeze. The temperature is frigid. Colder than a polar bear's kiss.
I'll eventually regret posting this.
And you'll immediately regret reading it.
Those are some of the negative aspects associated with the wonderful world of blogging.
