Thursday, February 26, 2015

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE IGLOO........



When we last visited Jon, the newly initiated Tennessee mountain man, he was wallowing in abject misery - - being held hostage in his shack - - oops, we mean mountain retreat - -by a series of endless blizzards, being in agonizing pain due to a stupid -- oops, we mean unfortunate - - - - nasty fall on the ice, and being completely without water due to a busted bursted or broken pipe.

In a valiant attempt to temporarily expunge the harsh, grim reality of his dire situation, he wrote a scathing review - - oops, we mean lengthy assessment - - of the recent Academy Awards, followed by a self indulgent - - oops, we mean extremely interesting - - account of his early days in Hollywood.

If you haven't read it, you should. It will enhance your life with almost unbearable enchantment (previous post)

As we return to Jon and his miserable plight, he is still snowed in and experiencing new, previously unknown, levels of wretchedness:


Pine tree in my back yard
(photo taken this morning)


Well, if I survived that introduction, I can survive anything. No, I haven't lost my mind (or what's left of it). I'm just using cheap ploys in order to pique your interest. 

The good news is that I'm still alive (more or less). The bad news is that I'm still in an enormous amount of pain from my fall on the ice, I'm still snowed in with no way to get out, and I'm still without water due to a broken pipe (after an entire week).

I was surviving on a few cans of Pepsi and a case of beer. I eventually ran out of Pepsi (I still have most of the beer) and had to eat snow for moisture. I didn't have any liquids at all for three days.

The phone lines were down, all the roads were impassable, and the power was out everywhere. Fortunately, the power here in the mountains was restored much more quickly than the power in town (imagine that!).

With no water, I've been forced to use a makeshift outhouse in the woods. Last night I was compelled to go out there at 3:00 am and a roving band of coyotes came by and howled. Scared the shit out of me. No pun intended, of course.

About two days ago (or three - I can't remember) my cousin and some others were able to get out of their driveways. They brought plenty of water and other supplies and literally saved my sorry ass. Due to the snow and ice, the supplies literally had to be dragged by hand up to my house. I now have enough things in order to survive until the predicted thaw next week. And, believe me, I'm eternally greatful. My cousin is a saint.

Trying to get a plumber here to fix the pipes is an impossibility. One promised he'd come (a week ago) but never showed up. Another one never answers his phone. And the others ignore my messages. I'll eventually have to fix it myself, but I'm presently in too much pain to be crawling around under a house.

Despite the pain, however, I did manage to grab a shovel and knock a lot of the ice and snow off the roof today. And I fed the birds and the muskrat. The muskrat resides under my back porch. I didn't encourage this, but now that he's here I can't turn him out.

I'm keeping occupied by blogging (as if you didn't guess) and editing two books - which hopefully will be on Amazon soon. 

After I post this I'm going to make dinner and watch the silent 1921 version of The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (it's on YouTube, with the great Carl Davis musical score).

It's late afternoon as I'm writing this. The sun has finally appeared. 

Do we dare assume that this is a ray of hope?
Tune in next time, for another exciting episode of
Jon - Tennessee Mountain Man.


My front porch this morning.
I'm in no mood to swing.





23 comments:

  1. Jon,
    And I thought my situation was bad. I can' imagine what you're going through right now. Thank goodness for your cousin. You need that lifeline. I'm hobbling around here on a bum leg, exhausting myself but I'm not in too much pain. More discomfort than anything. I'm just so afraid of falling again and then really breaking bones like my hip. What a Trial by Fire you've had since you moved to the mountains of Tennessee. One thing that both of our recent experiences have brought to the fore is how close we cold both come to disaster if he didn't have that lifeline. Mine was my iPhone (and Bill). Yours is your cousin. Keep that lifeline open Jon. Better yet, get a "lifeline" to live with you. One of those two-legged ones. (smile).
    Ron

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ron, this winter has been a bitch - and it's been especially cruel to both of us. I never realized how dangerous ice can be, but it was entirely my fault for not wearing the proper shoes. Cowboy boots truly have no traction. I also never realized how brutal Tennessee winters can be. I thought this was a mild state.
      Take care of that knee (and cold) and get plenty of rest.

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  2. Glad to hear you got those much needed supplies. Your cousin was the help you needed. Thank God. She is special, indeed. I wish a damn plumber would also come to your rescue up there on the mountain top and fix those pipes. I can not believe they can not be bribed by the thought of making a few bucks. Must be real jerks. Too bad you do not have an outhouse during the interim. Meanwhile I hope the pain you're still feeling from the fall does not mean there is permanent damage. With time hopefully you'll heal. I have never seen a muskrat in my life. Going to look the little critters up online to see your new friend. take care of yourself. Your spirits sound good. And hopefully with the improved weather your difficulties will be less frustrating.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When I first moved to Tennessee I thought my days of adventure would be over. It looks like they're just beginning. I've never heard of indifferent plumbers - but I'm sure the foul weather has something to do with it. And the fact that I iive out in the boonies. Many thanks for your concern.

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  3. It is good to hear you are still alive - the ability to complain and compose sarcasm is a good sign. I made it two or three days one time with no power (at least the water was on - and we had hot water thanks to a gas water heater,) I had gotten down to committing that if the power didn't come on by sunrise, I was going to Florida. It came back on about 3 AM, I was never so happy to hear printers booting up.

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    Replies
    1. Complaining and sarcasm are my business. Considering the two evils, I'd rather be without water than without electricity - but one entire week is an eternity.

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  4. Thank God for your counsin! I'm guessing she's 'Sam' of 'Sam and Maestro' lore? (OK, I had to go back and check.) How prophetic when you said you doubted her and your adventures weren't over yet!

    Now, if that thaw would just hurry its sorry ass a little faster! Thank you for keeping us updated, Jon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow! You certainly did your research! Yes, she is "Sam" and I'm "Maestro". We still laugh at the runaway horse story.
      As for a thaw, I'm expecting it for the Fourth of July.

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  5. Jon, as an experiment in empathy from the sunny West, I will offer these observations about snow: Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled --I think that's in the Bible; Snow makes everybody's lawn look as good as everybody else's --that's in the Constitution. I believe your your new locale will thaw soon, the plumber will come and all will be well. I believe a lot of things but I'm pretty sure about this. And I hope you're thinking about a nice gift for your valuable cousin.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your optimism is reassuring. And your humor is always warmly welcomed. I think I first heard about snowmen falling unassembled in Sunday school.

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  6. Glad to hear you are surviving with your sense of humour intact. Your cousin sounds like a star, was a good idea to move a bit nearer. I bet it's still better than Texas. Take care, keep moving, I have heard that exercise can be a good thing for stiff and damaged bodies as long as it is gentle.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tennessee is certainly more beautiful than Texas. And I suppose I'd rather have snow than dust storms. I do my best to keep moving - mainly so I won't freeze.

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  7. I would kill fora porch like yours.....we dontseem to have them in the uk

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    Replies
    1. Now if only the ice would melt so I could enjoy the porch.......

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  8. Feeding a muskrat sounds like quite the expression of hope!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My only hope is that I don't attract more muskrats.

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  9. if, it's yellow
    let it mellow
    if, it's brown
    flush it down
    that's what my
    mother-in-law told us
    years ago, when
    we didn't have water
    my mother lives 4 miles away
    she had water
    she brought us some
    you can put water
    in your toilet tank
    it will flush
    I guess you could use
    melted snow, too

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks. I need to aquire as many survival skills as possible.

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  10. Every day, as you shiver in pain and stare out the window at the ice and snow, just keep telling yourself, "It beats the hell outta Texas!"

    Hang in there, cowboy. This, too, shall pass.

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    Replies
    1. Your right about that, Susan. I predict a thaw before summer.....

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  11. I love you Jon. I want to read your book. There, feel better? No kidding, I always love your blog posts.

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    Replies
    1. Donna, flattery will get you everywhere. Wanna move to the Tennessee mountains?

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  12. Jon,
    Something strange happened to your "Spring Thaw" blog post. I was going to comment but it disappeared. Do you have your furniture now? I hope you find your missing items. I feel pretty confident they will turn up. And I hope you have running water now. Spring, come one!
    Ron

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I love comments. Go ahead and leave one - I won't bite. But make sure you have a rabies shot just in case.