WINTER BITES TENNESSEE

Last night Old Man Winter sneaked up and bit Tennessee on the ass. Snow, ice, blustery winds, and bone-shivering temperatures.

This past week was unseasonably mild. It was 65 degrees (Fahrenheit) on Christmas Eve and 70 degrees on New Year's Day. I thought I had been magically transported back to California.

The frightfully frigid gods of winter saw my delight and decided to thwart it. Just after dusk last evening the temperature began to plummet, wicked winds howled, and ice pelted the windows. At around 2:00 a.m. there was a power outage. The two cats and I shivered in bed until dawn - when the power was miraculously restored.

When I finally pried myself out of bed and looked outside I was greeted by a winter wonderland - - or an Arctic nightmare, more likely. 

Despite my abject disgust and misery, I grabbed my El Cheapo digital camera and ventured outside for a quick walk in the woods. Unfortunately, there was too much ice and mud. And my intended route was completely blocked by a massive pile of trees that were toppled in the tornadic storm that we had several weeks ago.

It was also colder than a penguin's kiss. My hands were so numb that I could hardly hold the camera. So I stayed home and took a few pics from the front and back porches.

The snowy glare was so bright that I couldn't see anything through the camera lens. All of my efforts were blind guesses. 

The woods in the back "yard"

View from the front "yard" (above). A tiny glimpse of the roof of my house on the left.

 

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE IGLOO........

When we last visited Jon, the newly initiated Tennessee mountain man, he was wallowing in abject misery - - being held hostage in his shack - - oops, we mean mountain retreat - -by a series of endless blizzards, being in agonizing pain due to a stupid -- oops, we mean unfortunate - - - - nasty fall on the ice, and being completely without water due to a busted bursted or broken pipe.

In a valiant attempt to temporarily expunge the harsh, grim reality of his dire situation, he wrote a scathing review - - oops, we mean lengthy assessment - - of the recent Academy Awards, followed by a self indulgent - - oops, we mean extremely interesting - - account of his early days in Hollywood.

If you haven't read it, you should. It will enhance your life with almost unbearable enchantment (previous post)

As we return to Jon and his miserable plight, he is still snowed in and experiencing new, previously unknown, levels of wretchedness:

Pine tree in my back yard

(photo taken this morning)

Well, if I survived that introduction, I can survive anything. No, I haven't lost my mind (or what's left of it). I'm just using cheap ploys in order to pique your interest. 

The good news is that I'm still alive (more or less). The bad news is that I'm still in an enormous amount of pain from my fall on the ice, I'm still snowed in with no way to get out, and I'm still without water due to a broken pipe (after an entire week).

I was surviving on a few cans of Pepsi and a case of beer. I eventually ran out of Pepsi (I still have most of the beer) and had to eat snow for moisture. I didn't have any liquids at all for three days.

The phone lines were down, all the roads were impassable, and the power was out everywhere. Fortunately, the power here in the mountains was restored much more quickly than the power in town (imagine that!).

With no water, I've been forced to use a makeshift outhouse in the woods. Last night I was compelled to go out there at 3:00 am and a roving band of coyotes came by and howled. Scared the shit out of me. No pun intended, of course.

About two days ago (or three - I can't remember) my cousin and some others were able to get out of their driveways. They brought plenty of water and other supplies and literally saved my sorry ass. Due to the snow and ice, the supplies literally had to be dragged by hand up to my house. I now have enough things in order to survive until the predicted thaw next week. And, believe me, I'm eternally greatful. My cousin is a saint.

Trying to get a plumber here to fix the pipes is an impossibility. One promised he'd come (a week ago) but never showed up. Another one never answers his phone. And the others ignore my messages. I'll eventually have to fix it myself, but I'm presently in too much pain to be crawling around under a house.

Despite the pain, however, I did manage to grab a shovel and knock a lot of the ice and snow off the roof today. And I fed the birds and the muskrat. The muskrat resides under my back porch. I didn't encourage this, but now that he's here I can't turn him out.

I'm keeping occupied by blogging (as if you didn't guess) and editing two books - which hopefully will be on Amazon soon. 

After I post this I'm going to make dinner and watch the silent 1921 version of The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (it's on YouTube, with the great Carl Davis musical score).

It's late afternoon as I'm writing this. The sun has finally appeared. 

Do we dare assume that this is a ray of hope?
Tune in next time, for another exciting episode of
Jon - Tennessee Mountain Man.

My front porch this morning.

I'm in no mood to swing.