RAIN MUD FREEZING MISERY

The good news is that the rain is now frozen

So, Jon, how is everything going?

Let me put it this way:
have you ever seen the old 1947 movie The Egg and I? It featured Fred MacMurray and Claudette Colbert as a city-bred couple who attempt to start a chicken farm in a ramshackle Ozark shack. Everything that could possibly go wrong does go wrong.

Well, picture me as Fred MacMurray.
Aw, what the hell - - you can picture me as Claudette Colbert, if you like. I'm versatile.

What exactly are you trying to say, Jon?

I'm not exactly saying anything, except that here in the mud-sopped reality of the hillbilly hills, there are no happy Hollywood endings.

The title of this post aptly sums up my situation. The only thing I left out are the curse words.

Actually, the plumbing ordeal went fairly smoothly - despite the torrential freezing rain and the nearly-insurmountable obstacle of endlessly oozing, knee-deep mud.

David the plumber arrived early and unexpectedly (interrupting my breakfast). Since he recently had knee surgery and can't get around easily, I did my best to assist him (without mentioning that I'm still in pain from falling on the ice).

It's probably unnecessary to recount all the morbid details, but - in a proverbial nutshell - we were both completely drenched and covered in mud within two minutes.

Remember those new boots that were ruined when I went over the cliff in Arkansas? Well, they look even worse now......

Several pipes were leaking, but not in the location that I had initially thought. The pipes near the water heater were fine. The leaking ones were far away.

There were several other strange plumbing issues that were puzzling me (and puzzling Dave). I won't bother you with tedious details.
Eventually he figured out that I need a new water pressure valve. The old one is rusted and faulty (much like myself).

So, he fixed the broken pipes. And he will install a new pressure valve as soon as the weather improves - -

- -which might not be for several years, from what I can discern. More snow and drastically cold temperatures are expected later today. I'm terrified that the frigid pipes will give a repeat performance.

Anyway, I finally have water again, after a week and a half.
Let's say it all together: hip hip hooray!

Unfortunately, I have water in the garage, too, from the unrelenting deluge. I have to install rain gutters along the back of the house. I could provide a lot more unpleasant details, but I'm not in the mood.

My clothes kept getting so soaked with rain yesterday that I had to change them three times. I finally ran out of outfits (i.e. jeans and sweatshirts) and had to go in the wet, icy garage to look for more (most of my stuff is still packed).

Is there a positive outcome to this tale of woe?

Not a chance. After I tossed my wet clothes into the dryer, I discovered that the old three-pronged cord on my dryer isn't compatible with the new four-pronged outlet in my laundry room. Courtesy of a law enforced in 2000, in yet another attempt by the government to alter/control our lives.

I'm still trying to wrap my weary mind around the concept of those hideously bizarre, unwholesome new light bulbs that they're presently forcing us to adapt to.

I have a lot more to say, but I'm too tired to write another word. 
Stop applauding. It's rude.

It's presently 5:30 a.m. Just starting to get light. I looked out the window and.....

......it's SNOWING!!!

I plan to go out later and have a snowball fight with myself. I might win.