THOUGHTS IN THE WOUNDS OF EMPTY NIGHTS

There is a deep, penetrating emptiness when raw reality hits you - - and sudden realization forces you to remember that the good times were long ago.... 

.....and those times echo with an unattainable span of distance and stun you with a paralyzing wound that establishes the fact that you can never have those times again.

On this empty winter night I'm lamenting.......in remembrance of those precious years now lost. With every passing year we drift farther away in a fog enshrouded sea - - reaching out desperately to find those evading ghosts who left us.....

.....parents, siblings, relatives, friends, lovers.....

Do they remember? Are they on the edge of somewhere waiting for us?

We wait in the solace of our memories and the sustainable light of hope.

Remembering

I remember that faraway New Year's Eve, on the deserted sand at Seal Beach - - when a thick, impenetrable Southern California fog engulfed us so thoroughly that we couldn't get away. We shared a bottle of cheap champagne, and snuggled together for warmth....and not only warmth. The depth of our kisses were much more intoxicating than champagne. We vowed never to part.

Us, on the sand, in the unrelenting persistence of the fog, listening to the gentle lapping of the eternal waves in low tide.

We would never part. Never.

I express my thoughts in the guise of a poet, which could be dangerous

Subject changing

I'm remembering the lavish New Year's Eve dinners that I prepared for friends. In later years, when my parents grew older, I prepared similar dinners for them. We three. Alone.

I seldom went out on New Year's Eve. The sanctuary of home is the best place to be.

It would take days to prepare my dinners and I enjoyed it. Very far from my extremely waning enthusiasm now.

These weren't traditional dinners. They were more like smorgasbords, buffets. Haphazzard banquets.

Instead of turkey, I preferred a small ham. Fish included salmon, pollack, and California red snapper (my absolute favorite).  Smoked herring and smoked oysters were always included.

Hungarian homemade kenyer (bread) and kolbasz (sausage), and of course burgonyas palacsintat (potato pancakes) with sour cream.

Russian deviled eggs - my favorite, and my secret recipe (I like them tangy with red wine vinegar).

A tempting variety of cheese and Italian olives (I'm crazy about both). Caviar (I'm frugal, buying the most inexpensive).

Winter fruits - - I like California navel oranges and Texas blood oranges.

What about dessert?

My absolute favorite is my special Bavarian cherry cake. I make it from scratch. The cake is not round, it's oblong like bread. Three layers of chocolate cake, each filled with cherries - - and topped with real whipped cream, not that fake Cool Whip crap.

I also make a chocolate cheese cake - A. because I love it and B. it's easy to make.

And, for New Year's Eve, I always made a simple white cake, to symbolize the purity of a beginning new year.

Drinks? Real fruit juices and Le Domaine California champagne.

That's absolutely my special New Year's Eve dinner....and the best part is that leftovers can be eaten for days.

I miss my energy and enthusiasm.

Unfortunately, my New Year's Eve photos are in my laptop back home....if I ever see it again.

I could only offer these old blurry photos

One of my white New Year cakes. It was absolute HELL putting candy confetti on the side. Yea, I made the gingerbread house, too - - another BIG nightmare task.

I used my favorite champagne on  New Years 

I was told this antique Auld Lang Syne cup is circa 1880. It is huge - - could hold a big bowl of chili.

Blogger Myra has one like it. I hope it makes her think of me. I know it will.

Take ye a cuppe o kindnesse for Auld Land Syne

This cup supposedly signifies the new year, from Bavaria circa 1875. I never used it in fear of breakage.

The glow of candles warm the winter night

Jon   ❤️  🍾🍸🍷🎇⏳️🕛❄️

P.S.

A big thank you to Dorothy from Neshua, NH and Jane from TN. I got your cards yesterday.  Hugs  💙💙

This post is very late. I had trouble with Freepix  the website I use to create AIs. It wouldn't download my pictures. The first picture is the only one I could download and it wasn't my choice. I made the second picture yesterday.

And this post is too darn long. Upon rereading it I'm VERY tempted to delete.......but I won't.

I'll write another post late tomorrow.

Get ready for New Year's Eve!