WAITING

Waiting. Waiting out the empty August days. Waiting for indifferent workers to bring trays of appalling food. Waiting for workers to see my call light, so they can plug in my errant phone charger.

 Waiting for phantom appointments with disconncerted doctors. Waiting for disgruntled nurses who bring a daily stash of pills. I only take Lasix (furocemide), vitamins, and Tylenol for the relentless agony on my right arm.

Now I'm taking pain pills in pathetic desperation. Now the dark mystery is solved. The pain in my arm began before I had radiation. After radiation, the pain increased. And frequent bleeding began.

What? Pain and bleeding stops after radiation.

My wound care nurse stunned me with a recent revelation.

An old cancerous lump was treated with radiation on my upper right arm. A new cancerous lump near my right elbow wasn't marked for radiation! Some medical expert must have overlooked it.

The July 14th appointment with my new oncologist was worthless. He's totally indifferent. Cold. Useless.

I have another appt. on August 14th. I'm overjoyed.

This my life.....a long, slow living death.

And afterwards?

If every one who died went to heaven, I wouldn't want to be there. Lots of scum would pollute the clouds. I don't believe in hell, an allusion of Gehenna.

Hell is right here on earth. The life-long agony that God blessed us with. Excuse me. Life has made me bitter and hateful.

CHANGE OF SUBJECT

Let's expunge the bitterness.

So far, I've had an extraordinary life. I've seen and experienced things that most people wouldn't believe or imagine. I'm hesitant to reveal things in this blog, because my adventures were incredible. When I look back at all I've done, I truly astonish myself.

I'm not thinking about my reckless youth. Dangerous nights on the unforgiving streets of Hollywood. Booze, drugs, tepid suicide attempts, passionate affairs with incredible people.

I'm thinking way, way back.

I want to write two memoirs before I part with this earth. The first will cover my early childhood, up to about 12 years. When innocence abounds.

The second will expose the raw, dark, ruthless chapters. They won't disappoint.

I have an astonishing memory, recalling things before I was a year old. I'm greatful for that.

To hell with Hollywood and wayward adventures. I'm remembering funny incidents now. I'm six years old. We're moving from New Jersey to California. Adventures galore.

My father is towing a 35 foot Anderson trailer. On a sweltering day in August, in Oklahoma, the cops pull us over. It's illegal to pull the trailer, it's too long.

The cops were pompous bullies. We got a citation to appear in court! My father put it in gear, shoved the pedal to the metal, and the Anderson trailer was flying like a bat out of hell.

"Johnny! Are they after us?"

My mother only called him Johnny when she was frightened or worried.

"To hell with those g** dam**d Okies!" He fumed.

We were about ten miles from the Texas border. As we flew through the panhandle it was only a blur. Couldn't see it.

Finally New Mexico. Suddenly hit a pothole. Mom was backing up our truck, while my father was reattatching the hitch to make sure it was secure.

It's 105 derees. No AC in the Chevy. We made it to an A&W to get a rootbeer float. 

One of our tires blew. The valve flew off and hit a nearby lady in the ass! I swear to God this is true - - I saw it happen. Dad had to apologize to the lady.

Another highway surprise on Route 66 when we were about 20 miles from the California border.

There was a large truck ahead of us. Suddenly, out of proverbial nowhere, a donkey ran onto the highway directly in front of the truck ahead of us. The animal panicked, sat on his haunches.

The driver slamed on his breaks and the truck jackknifed. As my father hit the breaks, the double door on the truck ahead opened.

Dozens of caskets (yes, coffins!) tumbled out onto the road. Fortunately they were new and unoccupied.

Another unwanted delay.

The donkey was okay.

The three of us were stunned.

Some kind of curious omen?

Welcome to California.

Jon 💚 with ample memories

Thanks for reading this!

Didn't edit this....too tired