HEART OF THE LOST

 

By some technological miracle, I have an Internet connection so I'm writing a new post. Nothing interesting nor important. Just confirming the fact of my existence. Probably typos, because my right arm hurts so much that I can hardly type.

Before I go into updates, I want to turn back the clock - to the 1st of June, 2023. Now, over three years ago. That was the horrible day when my long medical journey began. I knew at least a year previously that I was seriously ill. A tumor on my pelvis, directly on the main artery, which caused massive hemorrhages. At the time I didn't have medical insurance and was too frightened to get help.

The things I went through were so terrifying that I wouldn't want to describe it on this (public) blog.

Incredibly, during that time I still managed to blog - but my posts were strange, disjointed, depressing. Nobody knew how I was suffering. I hinted....but hints mean nothing.

During this time, I made the video "Heart of the Lost" (the title is from the music, written by Ean Grimm). I posted the video...and no one knew what it meant.

I never revealed my desperate plan. I went into the forest by my house. A final walk. I found a perfect spot nestled in the busom of the trees. I sat there for hours, clutching the ample bottle of pills. 

I yearned for the final sleep, which would come gently....... soon the wild, free spirit of a white wolf would roam forever freely in the peaceful place I loved.

It was as simple as that.

I didn't go through my plan. It was night when I got home.

The 1st of June

I had lost so much blood that I started having mild heart attacks. I could no longer walk. I stumbled to the front porch, called 911, and passed out on the porch.

A long journey....the doctors at Centennial in Nashville told me there was no hope. I was sent back to Cookeville, where I had seven weeks of chemo and radiation.

A guardian angel had mercy.

That's the past. What about now?

Medically, I'm having more problems. I don't want to exhaust myself (or you) with tedious details. After six long weeks, I finally have an appointment with my oncologist in Cookeville (July 14th). Good news.....but I'm apprehensive.

I wish it could have been sooner.

I wish this post wasn't so gloomy. I'm exhausted mentally and physically. My sense of humor has vanished.

Jon ❤️ valiently...hanging.....on

I'll try to post more often, if I still have an Internet connection. Thanks for being there. I know you are.