FUN WITH FURNITURE

I'll begin with a word of advice to all bloggers: 

Never post a good blog entry on a holiday. Nobody will read it. I posted a good blog entry on the 4th of July. Nobody read it.
Well, a few of the coveted faithful read it (many thanks for your valued and continued patronage).

So, Jon - - how was your Independence Day?

Wet. Sopping wet. Miserably wet. Eternally wet. I never knew that this much rain could fall in one place. It didn't seem like the 4th of July. In fact, it didn't seem like July at all. I had no inspiration or motivation to celebrate. I cooked hot dogs and had baked potatoes and pound cake. I also had a watermelon but decided not to cut it yet.

 I watched a 1978 performance of Carmen with Elena Obraztsova and Placido Domingo, conducted by Carlos Kleiber. Superb. Absolutely superb, it was the highlight of my weekend......this is available on YouTube, in case you care.

....but Franco Zeffirelli's stage production was a little drab. He did much better with Tosca and Cavalleria Rusticana (incidentally, Obraztsova was also in the Zeffirelli Rusticana).

We don't give a damn about opera Jon. What's with the furniture fun?

Hey, Kemo Sabe, you haven't lived until you've seen Don Jose kill Carmen.

The furniture incident happened yesterday, when I foolishly decided to move a very heavy dresser from one room to another (from one end of the house to another). It's made out of real, solid wood (not pasteboard) and is nearly as tall as myself.

Exactly how heavy is it, Jon?



It's Jumbo heavy.       It's Devine heavy.  

 It's Honey Boo Boo heavy.

(I knew you'd like that one)

It was an insane idea - considering the fact that I'm not nearly as young as I think I am, and it takes all my strength just to lift one of the cat's litter boxes. 

So I'm struggling with the dresser, moving it inch by agonizing inch through the house. I'm straining my muscles, pulverizing my back. I'm sweating like a Hot Pocket sandwich in a microwave.

I finally make it through the kitchen and dining area. This is where it gets tricky. There's about a six inch drop from the dining area into the hallway. It's kinda like a sunken living room, only it's a sunken hallway. I have to maneuver the dresser down into the hallway and make a very sharp left turn into my bedroom. With only one person doing the work, it's a near impossibility.

And I'm barefooted. If the dresser lands on my toes, they're toast. If I accidentally let go of the dresser, it will smash into the wall.

It takes ten minutes for me to finally get the damn thing into the hallway, but in the process part of the wood breaks off on the bottom of the dresser.

Now it's wedged in the narrow hall and I have to literally climb over it to open my bedroom door.

dresser wedged in hallway

near my bedroom door

My bedroom door was closed for a reason. I had Bosco and Scruffy in there so they wouldn't bother the hell out of me while I was moving the dresser. When I open the door they immediately run out and start bothering the hell out of me.

Scruffy dives under the dresser, through the hole where the wood is missing. Bosco simply lays down in front of it, blocking the entrance to the bedroom. If I try to move the dresser now, I'll probably kill both cats (which isn't a bad idea). 

 Scruffy playing under the dresser via the broken wood

 I finally use persuasive charm to corral the cats in another room. Then I exhaust the last of my strength pushing the dresser into the bedroom, while nearly ripping up the carpet in the process.

Well, you probably guessed it. I hate the dresser in my bedroom. It adds to the clutter and looks out of place.

But, I'm sure as hell not going to attempt to move it again. It's staying right where it is.

End of story. 

 Final resting place. I have no desire to move it again.

(that's sunlight from the window illuminating lower left)

 

 Here's a very bizarre photo that I took in the hallway. What the heck is that white streak??

It looks like an entity has escaped from the dresser and shot up towards the sky. Did I somehow release a demon? Or is it just a dirty camera lens? Was that a sign of my inner frustrations??

Do you believe in ghosts?

STRANGER IN THE NIGHT

I was planning on writing a sweet, summery, innocuous post in honor of upcoming Independence Day - - but my harrowing adventures here on Hell Mountain are much more interesting.

Let's do a little recap of my recent days for the uninitiated. I was without water in the house for a week, due to a plumbing malfunction (I lifted "malfunction" from NASA's vocabulary). Despite having no water inside, there's plenty of it outside. It never stops raining here. And I mean NEVER. I suppose the highlight of my entire week was when I found the dead mouse in my bed, tucked under my pillow (a gift from one of my cats).

If you read my blog regularly, you wouldn't miss these things and I wouldn't be forced to recapitulate (admonishment from the author).

The plumber came yesterday morning and fixed my pipe (no sexual connotations are intended) and also the faucets to the washing machine hookup. So now - at least for the moment - I have water again. And I can wash clothes. Unfortunately, I can't dry them because I still have to change the power cord on the clothes dryer, but that's another story for another time. I can change the power cord myself. 

Despite projecting an annoying aura of helplessness, I do possess some mechanical abilities. I'm not just another pretty face.

What about the stranger in the night?
I'm getting there. Good stories always require a subtle buildup to induce tension. I'm assuming that you're getting tense.

Late last night I was in the usual company of insomnia. In order to while away the witching hours, I was watching some creepy murder mysteries that I found on YouTube (I was using my laptop in the kitchen).
By the way, it's "while away" - not "wile away". I just checked to be sure.

The rain is pouring and thunder is rumbling continuously. I'm immersed in the murder mystery and the isolated danger of this dark mountainous wilderness. It's deliciously atmospheric.

Suddenly.......

I hear loud, persistent scratching noises coming from one of the bedrooms. Despite being small, this house has three bedrooms. The largest is my bedroom. The second largest contains one of my pianos and some bookcases. I use the smallest bedroom for storage. That's where the noises are coming from.


At first I ignore the noises, convinced that it's one of the cats. My oldest cat Scratch particularly enjoys rummaging around at night, and she's often in that small bedroom.

Somehow, the noises don't sound like a cat. My musician ears are always fine-tuned to sounds, and these noises weren't induced by a feline. Rattling, bumping, and scraping accompanied the scratching.

Perhaps my cat is chasing another mouse (I'm trying to reassure myself).

A few loud bangs really get my attention. I immediately jump up and do a feline head count. Scruffy and Bosco are asleep in my bedroom (where they usually are). Scratch is asleep in the living room. All three cats are accounted for.

Now I'm seriously worried. The noises in the bedroom are increasing, and it sure as hell ain't no mouse.

Summoning the little courage that I have, I grab a broom and go to the bedroom. I switch on the light. I see a large flash of fur scurry into one of the corners, behind a pile of junk.

Holy shit!!!! 
I instinctively turn out the light and close the door. Whatever it is, it's now trapped in the bedroom. I'm admittedly shaken, wondering how I should deal with the situation. The interloper looked fairly large. A broom and a flashlight won't be sufficient ammunition.
   
Yea, I know - - this post is getting irritatingly long - - but what the hell, it's free entertainment.

All right, I'll speed it up and cut to the chase.

There is unnerving silence. The bedroom is quiet. And then I hear scurrying and scratching near the washing machine - - which is closer to the kitchen (and not in the bedroom!).

I leap up and look behind the washer.
I'm face to face with an opossum! 

This guy looks very similar to the one I encountered

"Opossum" is the sophisticated term. In this part of the country it's "Possum". Great for eatin', makes a good stew.

He somehow went through the bedroom closet, via the water heater route, and exited into the laundry area. It's a complication that I won't detail.

The possum is kinda large. Kinda cute (in an unnerving way). Definitely something you don't want in your spare bedroom.
I open the back door (which is right by the laundry area) and eventually manage to swoosh it out with the broom.

Possums aren't aggressive or particularly dangerous but they can act vicious. They seldom bite even though they have about fifty sharp teeth. They seldom have rabies but they carry ticks, fleas, and other undesirable things. They're dang good at playing dead when they're frightened. And they like to eat cat food.

They like to live under porches - which is where this one resides. He (she?) got into the house through the open clothes dryer vent. I don't have the dryer hooked up and the vent is uncovered.

I definitely have it covered now, and I'm going to get some screening to put over it. I had carelessly left it uncovered for about two days.

Hopefully this midnight intruder won't make a repeat performance.

This is what I'm going to look like in a few

 years if I keep living in the mountain wilderness

Note:

This wasn't my first encounter with possums. I was very familiar with them when I lived in the Missouri Ozarks. And I had them in my garage when I lived in Texas.

In Texas I also had a snake in my kitchen, lizards in the silverware drawer, and turkey buzzards in the back yard.
Not to mention scorpions.........