REVELATION

 It's very late at night and I should be sleeping - - but I started thinking.

Uh oh, when Jon starts thinking, it could be a dangerous situation.

You are my faithful devotees, who follow this blog and care about me (all three of you.....or could it be four?). 🙂

Anyway, I dislike being mysterious (as in my previous post). You deserve to know what's going on in my dismal existence.

Hence, a revelation. Sort of.

It was either the last day of June or the first of July (my muddled mind can't retain specific dates). I had an appointment with my oncologist in Cookeville, concerning the squamous cell on my upper right arm....which has been bleeding profusely ever since the biopsy in April (!!).

It was an incredibly hot day. Instead of putting me in a wheel chair, they put me in a contraption similar to a wheel chair, but the back and legs could be adjusted. Nobody knew how it works.....

Gospel truth - - it was absolutely the most UNCOMFORTABLE thing I ever suffered in. The pain in my back and spine was excruciating, my legs were completely numb....there was no way to move into any positive position.

The drive to Cookeville takes over an hour. I was placed in the back of the van. The torture "chair" was too large to properly fit.....so I had to face a blank wall, no window. I won't describe the BUMPS on the road along the way.

My sore ass still cringes when I think about it.

Finally in Cookeville Medical Center - - with Nelly, the 80 yr. old nurse who accompanied me.

I was in a very rotten mood. I couldn't sit in an upright position. My head was nearly between my legs.

(don't try to visualize that - - you'll hurt yourself)

We had to wait in the (surprise) crowded waiting room....and I was more embarassed than you could ever imagine.

Finally, finally we were taken to the tiny room to wait for the doctor. An assistant kept asking me questions. I won't go into that.

How old am I? Do I smoke? Am I  diabetic?

I'm thinking

Please! Get the Jaws of Life and pry me outta this frickin' chair!!

Finally, finally the doctor came in. Surprise, surprise. It wasn't my doctor (who had an emergency today). It was a young snippy woman, whose icy look could freeze hot tamales.

It's difficult going into details - - I'll cut to the horrifying chase.

She quickly glanced over my medical records.....then announced the verdict. Just like I was on trial for murder.

Her attitude was cold, rude, and shockingly condescending.

She decided that my medical condition had so "deteriorated" that I was essentially beyond help!

She refused to look at the cancer on my arm. She refused to let me have the scheduled cat scan and lab tests. She decided that I was too weak to be treated ( because I was bed ridden due to my back and spinal problems). When she found out I was signed with Hospice, she advised me to go home with them and.....perish!

I was stunned....and I blew up. I demanded to see my regular doctor....and I told her a few things that I don't want to remember.

I also don't want to remember the agonizing hour ride back to Signature Health Care.

For the next week I was psychotically depressed and extremely upset.

Two cats observing a rainbow. My ai. picture has nothing to do with this post....it's just an aesthetic diversion

So - -

After I semi - recovered from the shock, my sense of logic returned.

My present union with Hospice is a sham. When my 90 day insurance coverage ran out on March 30th, my only alternative was to sign with Hospice so I wouldn't be kicked out of the Signature Health Care facility.

Physically, my blood pressure and heart rate are normal. The edema is completely under control.

All of the wounds that I presently have (treated by the wound care doctor) are the result of radiation burns that I got from eight weeks of radiation therapy (in 2023).

My physical weakness is a result of being bedridden for too long.

That cursed "wound" on my arm doesn't bleed as frequently as it used to. The most recent bleeding episode was on July 5th.

I'm supposed to have an appointment with the dermatologist surgeon on Monday. July 14th. Who knows......?? I'm never optimistic.

Anyway, that's my tedious update. I'm hanging in there. My goal is to start walking- - so I can go home.

Thanks for taking time to read this.

Jon ❤️  almost hopeful

AT THE MERCY OF FATE

 Things have been going so badly these past few weeks that I truly don't want to reveal any updates - - and, quite frankly, I no longer want to blog.

For the (almost) first time, I'm genuinely concerned about my plight - - and terrified about my future.

I can write about other unrelated things - - which probably won't interest you. Trivial things that only serve to divert me from reality.

My Independence Day was absolutely dismal - - the worst of my entire life. Hopefully, yours was better.

I had planned to make a special (unusual?) video, but the plan was thwarted. The software that I use to make videos is....home on my old laptop.

So....

I decided to use the movie maker on my android photo gallery here on my phone.

So....

as fate would have it - - a new update was automatically installed on my phone this weekend, and the photo gallery movie maker was obliterated. Gone. Bye bye.

The fickle finger of fate.

The days, weeks, months, seasons are passing too fast. Much too quickly. I want to see my home again.....before.....

Some ai. creations inspired by fate, courtesy of me. High resolution this time.

Gypsy fiddle of fate

Pondering what is lost....

And an "image" a friend sent to me a few days ago

Jon  💜

Luv you, but not in the mood to communicate.