LOOKING BACK IN HORROR

 

First of all, I truly dislike turning this blog into a boring, self-serving medical journal - - yet, my health issues are overshadowing everything else in my mundane existence. I feel some obligation to keep  documenting my physical and mental progress - - or lack of it.

I'm sure it's often difficult to discern exactly what's going on with me. Is it my back and spine, my useless right leg, the "pressure" sores on my butt, the edema and blog clots? Congestive heart failure? I suppose it's everything combined.....but there's a lot more to this.

Yesterday (Thursday?) was a monumental day. I had the opportunity to see all of my medical records from 2023 when I was desperately ill - - and was able to discuss everything with a group of nurses, doctors, and physical therapists who know me well.

What I learned was not exactly surprising, yet definitely horrifying. I knew that I was very seriously ill in 2023 but never realized the profound effect that it had on everyone concerned - - in Cookeville Medical Center and here at Signature Health Care.

Two major things have come to light. First, all the doctors and staff at Cookeville in 2023 were secretly certain that I would never survive my ordeal with cancer, but thought it was best not to tell me.

Second, when I eventually pulled through the ordeal, everyone was absolutely astonished with how strong I was - - physically and mentally.

I don't take any credit for that. I fully believe that my strength came from a divine source above.

The cancer was extensive, with a malignant tumor right by my main artery, which made an operation impossible. I would bleed to death.

This caused constant major hemorrhages (I wouldn't dare describe what I went through, it's too shocking). I lost so much blood that it caused a heart attack. A cauterization was employed.

In July 2023, as a last resort, I was sent to Centennial Medical Center in Nashville. The doctors there were somber and curt. They had no hope and advized me to go home in the care of Hospice.

Cookeville attempted a final ploy. Seven weeks of chemo and radiation.

Two and a half months in the hospital - - over three months in physical therapy.

When I was discharged from therapy in November, 2023, I wasn't fully cured. I learned that the staff kept checking the obituaries to see if I survived.

My latest cat scans and pet scans showed no trace of cancer.

My strength, courage, and dignity has impressed everyone - - except me. I've done nothing heroic, nothing special. I simply survived.....thus far.

And it wasn't easy.

Jon

One thing is certain - -

The trials and tribulations never end. The battle always remains uphill. Happy endings mostly occur in fairy tales......

TROIKA

 

Alright everybody - - 

What would you prefer,

a captivatingly beautiful piano performance by me.....

or

an update on the anguish and misery that I'm enduring in rehab.

The votes are in! It's unanimous!

You want anguish and misery.

Well, I'm not in the mood for verbosity or details. I'll be brief. Sort of.

The big storm arrived on time with snow on Friday and Saturday. Not much snow here in town. A lot more way out in the boonies where I live.

I'm still on a massive amount of meds. I think the extremely strong antibiotic will be removed this week. The onslaught of lasix continues - - which makes me pee every half hour.

It's so joyful to keep filling urinals and calling the nurses to empty them.

Yesterday two nurses shaved me (my face/beard). No one has ever shaved me in my entire life. Weird.

When I was in Cookeville I was on a very strict diet. They hardly let me eat anything. Now I'm on a regular diet with "low" sodium. Yesterday I had bacon, a cheese omelette, and regular coffee (no decaf) for breakfast. I think they're trying to kill me.

I'm really not in the mood to get into complicated details. It's all setbacks, anguish, massive unpleasantness.

Everyone is helpful here, despite my misery.

My vital signs and bloodwork are good. The edema has lessened significantly and is under control.

My biggest fear is that I'll never walk again.

To hell with this.

Like it or not, let's get to the music.

I made this video a few years ago (?). I thought it's appropriate for our winter weather.

Of course it's "Troika" ("November" from "The Seasons") by Tchaikovsky.

video best viewed full screen

Jon

Your driver on the sleigh ride

WINTER STORM WARNING

 It can get surprisingly cold in Tennessee - - colder than a penguin's kiss.

Winter Storm Warning for Friday (tomorrow) with 6 to 10 inches of snow predicted.

Wish I was home snug in my humble house. Wish I could take photos of my snowbound property like I used to and show it off on my blog.

Instead I'm still here at Alcatraz - - - or Camp Los Diablos. Whatever.

Am I being cruel? Unfair? Unjust? Heck, it's my unpleasant nature.

Yesterday a social worker came into my room, with a pile of unnerving questions.

Her: Have you ever had long bouts of depression?

Me: Yup. I was the only three-year-old who got depressed watching Romper Room on TV. Haunts me to this day.

Her: Have you ever considered suicide?

Me: Absolutely. In eighth grade Literature Class Mrs. Rhoades forced us to read "Mill on the Floss" and had us write a report about it. Death would have been better. I'm still allergic to George Elliot.

Her: Have you ever considered harming anyone else?

Me: I planned to kill my father when I was eighteen....and there was a barber in Anaheim who I could have gleefully killed with his own clippers.

My above answers are true, but of course I never revealed them. Gotta be very careful when dealing with social workers.

See, my friends, even when I'm depressed I still maintain a sense of humor. 

( your sense of humor isn't funny, Jon)

So how's life in physical therapy?

Good and bad.

I'm plied with meds in the morning and at night. Still lasix, blood thinners, antibiotics, other stuff I don't know. Makes me groggy, jittery, discombobulated ( I used a big word to impress you).

My blood work is good, blood pressure normal, oxygen and heart rate good. Septic bed sores have just about healed.

The horrifying edema is now under control. My legs almost look normal. I was told that it's periphereal (?) edema and not necessarily related to heart failure. Who knows? I'm no expert.

The grim side.

I still have enormous back, spine, and hip problems. I've lost all the strength in my legs. Can't get out of bed without help. My right leg is useless - - can't move it.

I have physical therapy every day. Sit in a wheelchair, where I ate lunch. Today walked (carefully, usteady) in a walker. I'm admittedly terrified that I'll never walk again. Whatever.

One of the therapists, Crystal, whom I've known since my previous stay in Signature...has told me something exciting. She's a cat person and has some cats she'd like to give me.

Of course, I'd want to wait until I'm settled back home and can function, etc. It would be a joy to have cats again. I told her to keep me first on her cat list.

Well, we're waiting for the Big Snowstorm here in rural TN. Arrives at dawn. Last night it was 15 degrees (Fahrenheit).

Thanks for reading this. My luv to all of you.🧡

Jon, in a rare fairly good mood

Photos from winter on my property a few years ago. Blogger won't let me enlarge some of these. Damn!