SAVING GRACE

Kindness is like snow. It beautifies everything it covers.

               Kahlil Gibran

Thoughts of snow were completely washed out with raging thunderstorms on Wednesday. Fierce winds, plenty of donner und blitzen. Thankfully no power outages.

Yesterday (Friday?) the daytime temp dropped to 32 (Fahrenheit). Short, dark, gloomy days. Visit from home care nurse. My BP is up. Can hardly walk.  Farewell prednisone, hello furosemide.

I'm presently experiencing very disturbing physical and mental issues. Secretly, I fear that I'm losing my mind. Expunge that thought.....

....I've been through too much. Strength only lasts for awhile. Fragility eventually sets in.

Today (Saturday) is the winter solstice. Shortest day of the year. No celebrations. Christmas seldom intrigues me.

I decided to string up colored lights on a living room side table. Only because I like colored lights. I wanted a simple rustic scene....so I bought this online.

I have several candles but didn't light them (yet). 

Kindness....

After dark, around 6:00 p.m. there was a knock at the door. Two local men brought me a huge box of food! I was completely stunned - - I certainly wasn't expecting it. Donated by local businesses.

I'm still overwhelmed.

Do I deserve this?

The box was so heavy that I removed all the canned items before taking this photo. I counted over thirty items.

A 4 lb. hickory smoked ham. 5 lbs. of potatoes. Carrots. 3 lbs. of Clementines. Coffee, canned milk, sugar, oatmeal, bread, butter. Spaghetti and pasta sauce. Pinto beans. Mac and cheese dinners. Peanut butter. Mayo.

Canned peas, corn, yams, string beans. Canned pineapples, peaches, apples, fruit cocktail. Canned soups.

Much more.....it's like mana from Heaven.

I put some things in the freezer.

It will take some time stocking canned goods on kitchen shelves.

Well, I've rambled on enough.

In darkness, there's always light.

Jon, grateful

WINDS OF CHANGE

 

A week ago it was 34 degrees (Fahrenheit). Today it's 65. Fierce winds and timid rain are sweeping rural Tennessee.

I'm surrounded by tall trees - - many of which have been toppled by previous strong winds. Some of which missed my bedroom by inches (no exaggeration).

The first photo was taken two years ago, showing a bare spot in the woods where trees were toppled near my bedrooom.

Some of those tall trees as they once were.

So why am I talking about toppled trees? It's a more palatable subject than my declining health.

Despite my previous feigned optimism, I've had an extremely bad week. I was plagued with side effects from the prednisone, which only served to exasperate my hellish plight.

Alarming mood swings, near-psychotic episodes, tremors, insomnia, dizzy spells, acute anxiety.....to name a few.

The big irony is that I had seven weeks of chemo and radiation with very few side effects.

I've had ten days of prednisone and I'm ready for Bellevue.

So let's get back to the wind.

I force myself to sleep in my uncomfortable bed every night, in order to elevate my swollen legs. It's a painful and agonizing procedure.

So, a few windy nights ago I was in bed, restless and uncomfortable. Suddenly, I heard LOUD banging noises in the kitchen. 

A mouse, perhaps? Maybe a possum??

I tried to ignore it, but the bangs were persistently loud and alarming.

Holy crap, it sounded like a moose.

I forced myself to crawl out of bed and stumble into the wheelchair. As if this wasn't enough, I was getting an ocular migraine.

I opened the bedroom door and was shocked. The house was ICE cold!

I dragged the wheelchair up the (very annoying) split-level step into the kitchen.

The back door was wide open, banging back and forth from the wind! I managed to shut it, secured with the dead bolt.

Then I dragged the wheelchair into the living room, because I suspected what had happened.

The strong draft from the wind had opened the back door and opened the front door. This has happened several times in the past....when I forgot to secure the doors with the dead bolts.

The unnerving summarization

So I'm living all alone in the middle of the wooded wilderness, physically incapacitated, presently unable to walk, prone with horrendous ocular migraines.....

and the two doors of my house were wide open for at least an hour, at 2:00 a.m.

This property is infiltrated with creepy critters at night - - possums, racoons, coyotes, foxes, wild dogs, wild hogs, snakes, and heaven only knows what else......ax murderers, ghosts...

Am I courageous or crazy?

Perhaps both.     

Jon