We've all heard about the recent mass shooting that happened in Florida. A Nineteen-year-old youth returned to the high school he once attended and opened fire on the students. 17 people were killed and many more injured. An incredibly tragic and horrifying crime.
I'm not here to give a news account, a morality assessment, or a psychological diagnosis. I'm only offering an amateur side-line observation about a small aspect:
It's a synonymous news media mantra that inevitably occurs with every crime I can remember. And it is always stated with great authority but very little thought.
The murderer/criminal is described as:
A LONER!!!!
"He was a loner, ladies and gentlemen!"
The news person always enunciates the word "loner" with as much disdain and revulsion as if they were saying "Republican" or "Trump".
What exactly is their definition of a "loner", anyway?
A misanthrope? A misfit? A maniac?
Someone who played video games instead of going to the senior prom?
I suppose "loner" is a catch-all term which encompasses anything that doesn't adhere to the "norm".
But what the hell is "normal"?
Attending an Antifa rally?
Okay, maybe I'm overreacting and making much ado about nothing. But I still think the word "loner" is over-used and abused.
Perhaps I'm also thinking of Emily Dickinson, the Bronte sisters, Nikola Tesla, Thoreau, Ayn Rand, Greta Garbo, J.D.Salinger, Howard Hughes, maybe Proust, possibly Beethoven.
And...who knows?....just maybe....me.
In recent years I've come to prefer my own company - and to savor peace, solitude, and isolation.
This is the direct result of spending a lifetime among the "normal" gregarious non-loners - - who often have a detrimental way of sapping precious time and draining the individuality of others.
We need other people - for healthy psychological interaction, moral support, friendship, inspiration, and love.
But we also need ourselves - to nourish our individualism, think independently, create spontaneously, and listen to the blessed silence.
The word "loner" means different things to different people. I, for one, don't think it's a negative word.
Loners unite!
I would agree also. I think it is also healthy to be a loner at times....to take time to regroup and decompress. It can be maddening to be around people at all times. Just as many crimes are committed by extroverted people as well.
ReplyDeleteIt is definitely a good idea to (at least occasionally) escape from the crowd and listen to the silence.
DeleteWell said Jon.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate that, Paula!
DeleteI'm probably qualified to be labeled as a loner or hermit, myself. Not all serial killers are loners. Remember John Wayne Gacy? But most of the school mass murderers have not been the most popular kids in school. That may say more about how students have treated those on the outside and all the bullying, you know? But loners are also often the most creative people--writers, artists, musicians--people who love nature, animals, reading, art--generally peace and quiet. :)
ReplyDeleteI can't disagree that most mass murderers and serial killers are loners but they are a small percentage and give us a bad name. ;)
I think in my heart I've always been a loner - even when I was in a crowd. And you're right - creative people tend to need a lot more time for themselves.
DeleteIt does definitely seem that a lot of murderers/serial killers were bullied, abused, or came from severely dysfunctional backgrounds.
I remember reading that John Wayne Gacy invited all the neighbors for a barbecue in his back yard - and he had a body buried there!
Well, I (for two) wholeheartedly agree. Great post! (In fact, I'm posting a link to my FB page now.)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Myra! I initially didn't think this post would be pf any interest.
DeleteHah! "Loners unite!" I love it! Thanks for making this loner laugh.
ReplyDeleteI was initially hesitant to post this, Geo - but now I'm glad I did.
DeleteHi Jon. I agree with so much of what you said. Some of us are in this somewhat solitary state, to balance out earlier times and those earlier experiences. Not so solitary though, as we are here communicating in a civil way between ourselves. Spring is on its way. I saw the first of the crocuses in bloom today! MaggieB
ReplyDeleteThe first part of my life was so busy and chaotic that I'm now trying to make up for lost time.
DeleteThe weather here in the TN boonies keeps changing drastically - freezing one day and warmer the next. Today is sunny and the trees are alive with birds. Spring can't come soon enough!
Jon, I did the social thing big time during my twentysomething days. If I did not go out with a group of friends on a Saturday night, I felt like a total loser.
DeleteNow I'm lucky if I go out and have lunch or dinner with a friend more than three times a year! And I rather like it.
A great book that opened my eyes to this "loner" issue is May Sarton's Journal of a Solitude. There's no shame in wanting/needing to be alone. As your excellent post suggests - MANY creative people require a solitary sort of life. It's much worse to feel alone in a crowd :-)
P.S. I dropped out of high school because I could no longer endure being used as a punching bag on a daily basis. Yet I never considered getting even by hurting my enemies: I just began to read and write a lot on my own. It's a pity that most people don't like poetry. A good poem can save a life.
You have an artistic soul, Dylan - and obviously a very gentle soul. People react differently to abusive/dysfunctional situations. Many do get violent and abusive themselves. Others turn inward and use their creativity and sensitivity as an emotional outlet. Writing is extremely beneficial for this.
DeleteI've only recently learned about May Sarton's writings. I've never read Journal of a Solitude, but it's something I'll look forward to.
And you're right - a good poem can save a life.
I'm always astonished at how my life is now compared to what it used to be. I crave solitude now and actually dislike being with people (most of the time). Of course, living in a rural area is entirely different from being in Southern California.
And, of course, being older is a helluva lot different than youth....
By the way, Dylan - I'm glad you got to see "Ballad of a Soldier". I first saw it on TV when I was 12 or 13 and it made quite an impact on me.
DeleteSome of the Los Angeles TV channels used to play great movies late at night back then.
I love your recent post "Unwanted"
"...her poems fed my hungry heart, when the busy world wouldn't throw me a bone...)
Great!!!!
I thank you much for your kind words, Jon! Let us not forget that Emily Dickinson was a loner :-)
DeleteMy life was twice saved by poetry. Someday, if there is interest, I'll explain.
DeleteGeo, there is interest - big time :-)
DeleteP.S. I want to thank Jon for allowing bloggers to comment on my words during my most recent "no comments allowed" on my own blog. Kindness is what comes to mind.
Yes, Jon is very kind. But I've now opened the comment feature on my own blog - so feel free to take a peek. And I cannot help but thank Jon 101 times. You are a treasure more worthy than gold :-)
Being alone has never bothered me. My mother used to threaten that I'd end up lonely with no friends because I would rather read than socialize. She also used to tell me that I'd regret some of my youthful exploits as I aged. Neither have proved to be true.
ReplyDeleteWhy does society want to label everybody and everything? I haven't read a lot about this latest perpetrator but it seems that the death of his mother may have triggered his actions. I also saw that his brother had been institutionalized the other day. It appears that whatever caused this may have affected both boys.
Being alone has never bothered me, either. I think some of it has to do with having been an only child. Also, my mother and I were in a sort of isolation with my abusive/violent father. It was sort of a world apart from reality.
DeleteIronically I've heard some of the same things you mentioned from my own parents - especially my father. Every time he "caught" me reading I'd hear the "get the hell outside among people" mantra.
The gunman on Florida was adopted - and I think I heard that both his adopted parents died. That obviously had a deep affect on him.
Sorry for the typos in this. One of my cats was on my lap while I was trying to type - - she was purring but I was slightly annoyed...
DeleteI can relate. I can't type at all when the corgi decides to sit on my lap.
DeleteYes, agree that sometimes loners are the most interesting and rewarding people. But I think it's just the way the usage has gone. Our language needs a word that doesnt actually say "these people are pathological" but just somehow implies it. Pity they have decided to victimise loners in order to do so!
ReplyDeleteYour thoughts about this are right on target, Jenny. Thanks for the input!
DeleteGood post, I enjoy my alone time,
ReplyDeleteSome people crave solitude more than others, but we definitely all do need time alone.
Deletewell put jon. well put.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I almost wasn't going to post this, but I figured it's something different than talking about the weather.
DeleteHi Jon - this is a good post with plenty to think about. I agree with your assessment that the word 'loner ' is overused and abused. I feel that stereotyping introverts as pathological is dangerous and completely unfair.
ReplyDeleteFor the most part the general populace is incapable of understanding why some simply do not prefer, or need, the company of others. Hence the word ' loner ' appears creating various images which aren't always accurate. I know many private people who are extremely friendly and outgoing in the right setting ... nothing wrong with being content with ones self. I think it's the path to happiness.
Anyways, I've been absent due to a very sad death. I'm slowly working on recovery. Take care ...
Helga, I was wondering what happened to you and figured you were just busy. I'm so very sorry to hear about the death. Recovery takes a long time - and I doubt if it's ever a full recovery. When someone close to us dies, a part of us goes with them. But, fortunately, a part of the deceased remains in our hearts forever.
DeleteTake care.
Hi Helga! I also was wondering what had become of you? I am so sorry to hear about your recent loss: I often think that death is more difficult for the survivors than the passing of a loved one. I still mourn people I lost more than two decades ago - so please take care of yourself and know that there are many people that know and care. You are a truly remarkable person *Hugs*
DeleteDylan
P.S. I dedicated "The Rose" to you and all the other good people I cherish on this site. I only just now left my most recent post open to comments, but you can still listen to the song if you wish. I'm slowly learning to trust the world again. Everything will be okay in the end.
Thank you Jon and Dylan. Your kindness is very much appreciated. Loss is difficult as you both know. What bothers me the most is that the good die young in all too many cases.
DeleteYou're both terrific people ... so please don't ever sell yourselves short. I'll come and listen to " The Rose " ... beautiful song. Thank you Xx
Helga, you are very welcome :-)
DeleteI've always been a "people person," and got energized by being in the hustle and bustle of other people. But I've also always enjoyed my own company, and was perfectly happy being by myself. The older I get, the more content I am to be at home with my hubby in our own little cocoon.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong with being a loner. And just because our friends have to use a shoe horn to pry us out of our own little world doesn't mean we don't enjoy ourselves once we get out there. But we're ALWAYS happy to get back home.