In a rare moment of cautious optimism I had hoped that August would be a much better month for me, and that the personal problems which were plaguing me would somehow be alleviated.
Instead, the problems have multiplied - to the point where I'm hardly functioning and desperately struggling to keep my head above rapidly rising water.
I could start spilling my guts and revealing the reasons for my mysterious on-going misery, but a public blog is less than an ideal place to do it.
Hell, I have trouble attracting readers even on my best days.
Besides, it's not one specific thing - but rather a grim combination of many. Many.
People generally don't want to hear about problems, they don't respond well to negativity, and they aren't receptive to chronic bitching.
For the past few months I've been trying to keep this blog upbeat, attempting to eliminate the negative and accentuate the positive (aren't they the words to a song?) - - - but I'm finally at the point where I can no longer maintain the charade.
I need a break to sort things out and to see if I can find a random life jacket before the Titanic sinks.
Since I have an unwholesome addiction to blogging, I seriously doubt that I'll be gone for long. I just need a little time to catch my breath.......
.....if indeed there's any breath left to catch.......
BTW
Don't worry about me - - I have a lifetime of extensive experience at being a survivor in dire situations. My instincts and stamina have never failed me. Yet.
I'll impatiently await your return. (And, yes, those are words to a song) Stay strong.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate that. My outer armor of strength conceals an inner core of fragility...
DeleteDang! I was hoping things might be looking up or letting up. Hang in there. I hope you aren't gone too long and things get sorted out so you aren't feeling overwhelmed...whatever they are. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI won't be gone long. I'm just completely emotionally and physically drained (it ain't the first time...) Hugs are always appreciated.
Deletei'm worried about you jon. take all the time you need. we'll be here.
ReplyDeleteI always thought things would get easier and less complicated as I grew older. Wow, was I ever wrong!
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear this, Jon. Chin up, even when things seem dire we can't give up. I apologize for my absence of late but I've had two surgical procedures and on top of that the entire province has been under wildfire attack ... again.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes and I hope more pleasant tomorrows will come your way. Take care !
I'm sorry to hear about your recent surgical procedures and hope your recovery will be quick. What - more wildfires?? I wish I could send all the Tennessee rain to your area. Thanks for your good wishes (I need them...).
DeleteOne of my favorite Jodi Bergsma prints declares, "Some days, the dragon wins." (Been there!) But like you, I'm a survivor. Sending positive thoughts your direction, Jon. I believe this, too, will pass.
ReplyDelete… and we'll be right here, waiting.
Myra, the dragon has been pulverizing me lately. I need all the positive thoughts I can get. Thanks!
DeleteAll my best wishes for successful resolution, Jon. I believe you have my email address --feel free to contact. I look forward to the pleasure of your renewed online company.
ReplyDeleteGeo, I always feel guilty complaining when I know that many other people (such as yourself) are going through very difficult times. I'm just completely drained, emotionally and physically, from a barrage of problems that never seem to end. Thanks for being there!
DeleteJesus, it's only the good guys like you that make me want to keep on going. I wish I could be of more help (money, emotional support, etc,), but I'm nothing more than a broke wannabe poet. The last thing I want to do is add to your troubles.
ReplyDeleteI hope that the fact of what I am going through (very much like your own ordeal) might give you some sense of solace during your quite difficult times: Many people adore you and your wonderful blog. I hope you can hang on to that fact. Trust me, it is a fact big time. I am only one of many :-)
Hang in there, dearest Jon: The world needs more beautiful people like you,
Dylan
Dylan, it seems that the best people always have the worst luck. During my wild, wonderful, youthful days in California I never dreamed that I'd wind up in abject poverty in the Tennessee wilderness. Life is a complete bitch - but wonderful, caring, sensitive people like yourself (and other bloggers) make it all worthwhile.
DeleteI always greatly appreciate your thoughts and input (and thanks for your comment on my previous "Pathetique" post).
Your Donna Summer post brought back a lot of fond memories. The song "Last Dance" has special meaning for me.
And I love the Tom Petty video!
Thanks for being there, Dylan. It means a lot.
Hey, thanks for the Edward Gorey post!
DeleteJon, I'm so glad you liked it :-) I aimed for something more ambitious, but my crazy internet provider screwed it all up (what else is new?).
DeleteI'll try to say here (on your blog) what I was not able to say on my own: My very good friend John MacKenzie actually met and knew Edward Gorey (his friends called him Ted).
John remembered how Ted always wore a mink coat and sneakers, and even dared to sit in the front row of some of the most posh ballet and concert halls in NYC: Gorey was a big ballet and classical music fan. Also, he wore flashy rings on all of his fingers, so it was an odd experience to shake his hand.
He adored cats and books and had many. He was painfully shy, and would often stand off in a corner by himself during some crowded social gathering he hated (but had to attend).
Sadly. my good friend John passed away before I could interview him about Gorey and other major artists and writers in NYC during the late 1940s and 1950s: He came in contact with some of the best. I'm forever grateful I got to do an interview with him about his surreal dinner with Allen Ginsberg. It's priceless. You can read it on my blog.
On a more personal note, I am spreading the word about your beautiful book of poems and Catnip Creations: I know at least one person (RoyP) is interested big time in your writing and art - so keep the faith! As Quentin Crisp was so fond of saying: All is not lost.
Keep on staying true to what you believe in (that's what makes you so special),
Dylan
I enjoyed hearing about your friend John's memories of Edward Gorey. I never knew his friends called him Ted - but I did hear that Gorey was very eccentric and shy.
DeleteI read your interview with John about Allen Ginsberg long ago, but I read it again this morning. It's amazing - and the part about the lobster cracked me up. It sounds exactly like something Ginsberg would have done! "Howl" influenced me a lot in my young and formative years.
You're a gem, Dylan. Thanks for your confidence in me (Gawd knows I need it).
Jon
ReplyDeleteTake this advice from a really old guy (soon to be 77), things don't get easier the older you get. But one of the few benefits of getting older is that things you used to think were important and you cared about, aren't. Those things that you value and bring you comfort, like reading, writing poetry and your piano playing, stay with it. The other things, they too will pass except the slow physical deterioration, not much we can do about that. By the way, I'm reading a really good book right now, Betty Grable. You will love it. Well written and a lot of history. I always liked Betty and of course "Betty" was my Mother's given name (not Elizabeth). The change of season is coming, the brisk temperatures and colorful leaves will brighten up your days.
Ron
Ron, I can sure attest to the fact that things don't get any easier as we age - and you're absolutely right that the things we once thought were important are no longer a priority.
DeleteI must say that your books have kept me sane - I read constantly, especially at night when I'm in bed. I finished the Bogart book a few nights ago and now I'm in the middle of Kitty Kelly's "Sinatra". Wow!
I don't know much about Betty Grable, but - believe it or not - my parents knew her first cousin when we lived in California. His name was Gene Gable and at the time he had three small sons. Gene was a very kind, quiet, and humble guy. He didn't like the Hollywood scene.
I hope you have a great time on your upcoming trip to Canada!