The darkest hour is always the one before dawn - - but does the darkest hour ever truly end?
As an avowed pessimist - with enough negative personal evidence to support my theory - I'm finally about to abandon hope.
This past summer has been the worst one of my entire life. And - without revealing the dire details - I would be dead now if my cousin Nancy hadn't rescued me last week. Angels of mercy do provide light in our darkest hours. For that, I am grateful.
Some day - when the dawn finally returns - I'll reveal what I'm presently going through.
I don't like being mysterious, but there are times when too many details about an enormous amount of negative things would be tedious.
Until then, I need some time to determine if the shattered pieces of my existence can be retrieved/repaired.
I am completely mentally and physically exhausted.
The paltry diversion of blogging is - for the moment - no longer one of my priorities.
My only solace is knowing that other people care. It means a lot.
You have to just hang in there somehow. We always amaze ourselves what we can and have to do when push comes to shove. I know your a survivor, but it's still nice to catch a damn break. I myself am grossly behind in everything since getting back. I hope otherwise you are doing well dear.
ReplyDeleteThank God for Nancy! Yes, of course I care. How are the furbabies, Jon? I look forward to reading your next post. And the ones after that!
ReplyDeleteJon, this post is too disturbing for words. And it speaks volumes about the brutal and coarse world (borrowed that line from Akhmatova) we all must somehow figure out how to navigate as best we can. It isn't easy.
ReplyDeleteThank God for Nancy! I'm so grateful you are still here. Is there some way you might be able to take something for anxiety and depression? Or just meet up with a therapist to talk about what's troubling you so? I would have died a very long time ago without the help of a good therapist and proper meds, etc.
Please hang in there as best you can! Your life has immense value. Don't let the darkness blind you to that fact. Many people care about you big time.
- Dylan
When we are too weary of the weight life has made us carry it can seem as though there'll be no end to the darkness. Yet one final reach deep within, a search for the love of beauty that once filled us with the strength to chase it...may restore at least enough hope to believe there's light ahead. Cry,moan,scream,hide,rest,do whatever you need to,just remember what gifts you're capable of seeing and sharing with everyone in the future. -
ReplyDeleteYour cousin, Nancy, is an angel!!!
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself. We'll be here.
Dear Jon - it's difficult finding the proper words after reading about your hardships and just how you are feeling. Just know that you are important - and you certainly have people who care. I am one of them.
ReplyDeleteThank goodness for Nancy ! The world needs people like you in it, Jon. Take care of yourself. One hour at a time and you will be able to repair those shattered pieces. I believe in you ... ( hugs )
I agree she is an angel and I hope you are feeling much better soon. Miss reading your blog.
ReplyDeletePraying that you will experience the peace that passes all understanding. ♥️
ReplyDeleteit's always darkest before the storm. thank goodness for your cousin nancy.
ReplyDeleteDear Jon, I echo Rita in assessment of your excellent cousin. Some day, when we're both in a better frame of mind, we ought to discuss this summer. Finally, by process of selective elimination, I found out which medications were causing me to feel blue and hallucinate hairballs crawling on the ceiling (seriously) and dropped them from my pharmacological diet. My old self is asserting itself --ways to go yet. It wishes you progress and happiness. I also want to thank Nancy, who I suspect is one of those rare, true, fixed points in this chaotic universe. All my best wishes, Jon. Handle yourself with care.
ReplyDeleteJon, your in my prayers! I’m so thankful you have Nancy close by! Sometimes going it alone can be so grueling and draining, we care for you Jon! Gabs
ReplyDeleteJon, so good to see you are reading (and posting) our comments! I was so concerned that I posted a Janis Joplin tune dedicated to you. The song I chose was one she had written herself, and it always has had a very special place in my heart.
ReplyDeleteThe song seems dark on the surface, but what she is getting at is that life will most certainly defeat us, unless we can keep on having faith in ourselves - and those rare special people that genuinely care about us.
That's what keeps us going one minute from the next. Never forget that...
- Dylan
P.S. You are a very special person to many.
Oh, Jon. I'll echo what everyone else has been saying. Thank God for your cousin Nancy.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could offer you some words of wisdom that could help you put this summer of darkness into perspective, but I don't. Those words are inside of you, though. Why not write about the anguish? Not for us, but for yourself. Let it out in words. Let it out in music. I bet you could compose music that would speak to our souls. But whatever you do, please let the anguish out. Don't let it ferment inside of you. Be kind to yourself. Know that we'll be thinking of you and wishing you all the best. I'm only an email away.