EASTER DISASTER

I hope that all of you will have a blessed Easter - - filled with golden sunshine, lilies and daffodils, colored eggs, and chocolate bunnies.

My Easter is turning into a complete disaster.
I know you don't want to hear about my problems.....
but I'm going to lay them on you anyway.

Hang onto your Easter bonnets and bloomers, it's going to be a rough post.

I'll start with the mild stuff and save the worst for last.

Weird weather, anyone?
Two days ago there was a sudden burst of spring. The sun was shining and the temperature soared to 85 degrees (that's Fahrenheit, for those of you in Siberia)
I opened all the windows and removed the winter blankets from my bed. Euphoria!

The Evil Nature Gods must have seen my rare burst of glee.
Howling winds whipped up that night, torrential rains arrived, and the temperature dropped drastically. I closed the windows, piled the winter blankets back on my bed, and shivered my friggin' fanny off.
Friday (that's today, boys and girls) it was 41 frigid degrees.

The foul weather is the least of my woes.

FedEx Delivery, anyone?

Due to my excruciating spinal issues - and the fact that my car isn't running - I haven't been to town in months. I mostly order my supplies from Walmart. Shipping is free and FedEx makes accurate deliveries. Almost accurate....

For some inexplicable reason, my most recent order didn't show up. I waited patiently (or perhaps impatiently) for a few long days.
I contacted FedEx and was assured that my order was delivered.

Well, once in awhile they deliver to the wrong address. I'm presently not physically capable of going on a scavenger hunt in the wilderness - - so I called my trusty cousin Nancy to search for the package.
She found it - - near the side of the road - - somewhere near my (unpaved, weed-covered) "driveway". The box was completely rain-soaked. I'm surprised that it wasn't stolen.

Why the hell did FedEx leave it there?
I don't know.

So I placed another order from Walmart. When it arrived, several of the items were missing.
I'll spare the details of that little adventure.

Are you getting weary and restless?
Take a deep breath and a slug of whiskey. I'm not through.

So I found an intriguing place to order food online. WildFork has a good selection and fairly reasonable prices. And shipping is free if you become a member.

I decided to throw caution to the wind and forget my problems.
I decided to have a wonderful Easter weekend.
I decided to order a springtime feast.

I ordered lots of stuff - including a ham, a whole chicken, several side dishes, a pie, and enough food to last for weeks.

I eagerly waited for the goodies to arrive today (Friday).
They arrived on time via UPS!

Yay! (I haven't said "yay" in years....)

Imagine my SHOCK when I opened the box - - - - and it was the wrong order!

I received some chicken thighs and two bags of shrimp!!!!!

The things I said out loud would make Satan blush
and Blogger would ban me.

I contacted WildFork.
They assured me the problem will be resolved.
When?
Next Christmas?

My plans for a beautiful Easter weekend were completely thwarted.

What the hell am I going to have for dinner?
A frickin' bag of shrimp???

Happy Easter.

Shit.

                                 Disgruntled, Jon