Breathe a sigh of relief. My previous saints and sinners post is gone.
I know of three people who enjoy reading about my past. Four people politely tolerate it. The rest can't wait until I write another post about my grim agony and long, slow death here in godforsaken rehab.
My literary efforts go up in smoke like a '75 Ford Pinto.
Anyway, I enjoy writing. It's my best reward to my selfish self.
I'm not in the mood to supress my past and dish out all the crap I'm going through here in (physical) rehab. I'm in an extremely foul mood with everything in general.
Everything concerning the bogus concept that life is a gift, rainbows are on the horizon, the angels above are playing harps and singing just for us....is absolute bull. At least for me at this moment.
I want my past back - - when I could walk without any aide, drink myself into oblivion, do devious things that would make Satan blush, gleefully escape the L.A. vice cops.........and, when reasonably sober, I could perform half a dozen Scriabin etudes on a concert stage without a hitch.
Right now, in this dire illusion of pseudo - reality, some of the fingers on both my hands are numb. They've been that way for months but I never bothered to mention.
A bitch of irony for a pianist, huh?
What's causing it, I wonder? Is it the dozen or so of the meds that they ply me with every morning?
Modern medicine can kill you faster than drinking, having sex, and practicing the piano five hours a day.
I still have the flu or whatever the hell it is....about three weeks of coughing and spitting up phlem. Not a pretty sight, boys and girls.
I completely (and I mean completely) lost my sense of taste for nearly two weeks. My tastebuds are slowly, very slowly, coming back to life.
I could slightly taste the ham and sweet potatoes at lunch today.
I don't have covid - - although there are now 8,555,703 strains of it.
If you sneeze from a pansy, it's covid.
If you fart from eating your grandma's jambalaya, it's covid.
Whatever.
Love me or hate me, you'll seldom read a pathological collection of thoughts like mine.
I still can't walk, still in pain. There's no end to my agony.....and I could write over a dozen problems I'm plagued with now.
Including a gigantic cyst on my right arm which is horrifying. It will be removed....soon....I hope.
I'm no longer a human being, as if I ever was one.
Thanks to anyone who read this.
And many thanks to the few who tolerated my previous post.
Jon 💙 perhaps still alive
BTW
I always love your comments and I always try to reply to them. Just a few minutes ago, the "reply" thing has stopped working. It stopped right after I replied to Jo's comment.
Update - - Blogger must have heard me. Today (Friday) the "reply" thingie is fixed!
This was a crappy, dire blog post.
I should apologize.....(?)
Just to annoy you *smile* - a few more of my ai creations.
"Scriabin"
ReplyDeleteI had to look him up. Glad I did. No one does music like Russian composers!
Is that a road in Pompeii? Looks like the volcano is about to go. We should seek shelter.
I love Russian music. Scriabin was one of my favorites. Later in life ( he only lived to his 40s) his music got bizarre, almost atonal. Can't decide if he was nuts or a sublime genius.
DeleteYup, that's a road in ancient Pompeii at sunset - - Vesuvius smoking threatenly.
Is "threatenly" a real word? I dunno.
DeleteIt is now!
DeleteYou certainly are in a state today, and it's a lot to cope with. So you're entitled to cope however works for you. Sign me one of your five, no four, readers..
ReplyDeleteLiz, my bark is always much worse than my bite. I know I can count on you to tolerate my unpredictable self - - and I truly appreciate it.
DeleteI read your previous post Jon, but was down the rabbit hole after losing my beautiful girl kitty Tom -Tilly. I had shut down, and was in pain. Who knew a little ten pound kitty could leave such a hole in one's heart.
ReplyDeleteI'm saddened that you are still suffering from your ailments, it takes all the strength one can muster just to face a new day.
My prayers still include Devine intervention for you, a full recovery so that you are able to return to your hillside home .
Blessings dear friend.
Hugs,
Jo
Oh, Jo, I so very sorry to hear about the loss of your kitty. I can fully understand your feelings.
DeleteI never got over the loss of my three cats. In fact, I can't even look at photos of them without fighting back tears.
I know that nothing can replace your beloved kitty, but perhaps someday another will come into your life and bring some joy.
I'm deeply depressed with all my health ailments, but somehow I'll dig my way out of it.
Thank you. 🩷
Thank you Jon 🫂
DeleteYou have a right to complain. In your situation, at least you can cuss about how terrible your life is right now, because that seems about the only relief you are getting.
ReplyDeleteComplaining and ranting is just about all I have left, Donna. Fortunately my bad moods don't last long....I'll get over it.
DeleteWell, I'm one of the three people who enjoys your posts. Very much. And care. Being an RN, I've heard it all and plenty from myself. Not sure about the numbness in your hands. Neuropathy, meds.... there's a myriad of reasons? My heart goes out to you especially with issues of mobility, pain and ..... unending pain. Having gone through a horrendous episode of sciatica, I can relate a little. Thankfully with meds and physical therapy, it did get better. I sort of have survivors' guilt even mentioning that. I hope things turn around here for you soon. Enough is enough. By the way, many more than 3 people enjoy your posts. We're all rooting for you, Jon.
ReplyDeleteParanormal John
I had you in mind when I mentioned the three people (smile). Judging from the comments, I can probably change it to five people....or maybe 15??
DeleteI think I'm making progress.
I have no clue what causes numb fingers. It could be all the meds.
There's nothing more agonizing than constant back/spine pain. I'm really glad that your sciatica is under control. I don't know what the heck will happen with my intense back/spinal pain. I don't want to depend solely on pain meds.
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DeleteSure hope that I am included in the handful of those who read your posts and have done so for a while, Jon. It is agonizing to just read what you have been dealing with and continue to endure, so go ahead and curse, cuss, moan, scream. Your handful of readers as you call us will still be here.
ReplyDeleteYou're definitely included, Dorothy. I tend to exaggerate with my crude sarcasm. I know that many kind people care about me - - despite my (many) flaws.
DeletePlease, count me right here on your team! I won't quit cheering for your accomplishments, however minor they seem right now. Like others have said, please just let the angst out -- vocally, in silent prayer, and especially, right here in Blogland.
ReplyDeleteBeing on my team proves that you have good taste, Myra. Who could resist an enigmatic, unnervingly unique, rant-prone, unpredictable, moribund, ex-piano player? Not to mention verbose.
DeleteMany thanks.
Count me in as one of your readers. I enjoy all that you write, I love the stories of your wild youth.
ReplyDeleteI hate hearing what you have to go through.
Blogging is a good way to vent, and get everything out-and to know somewhere out there, you do have people that care.
Writing has always been my foremost way of unleashing my inner-self, and it is a rewarding feeling when my rants are appreciated.
DeleteMany thanks, Jane!
Count me in Jon! Always checking to see if you’ve updated! I’m looking forward to you getting back home! Hope it’s sooner rather than later! PS my husband and I have both had a terrible cough! Coughing our heads off, in fact! Haha
ReplyDeletePat/Central Texas
It seems like a faraway dream, but I truly hope I get get home as soon as possible. All I ever wanted is a peaceful life alone in the wilderness. Not as easy as I thought.
DeleteThe flu never seems to go away...and the coughing drags on forever. Hope you feel better.
No apologies. You have earned every right to express yourself anyway you want to. I know you don't feel this way, but you are a strong person. You are still here and you still have your humor and your fantastic rants. You had pulled that post by the time I clicked on the link, so I sadly missed it.
ReplyDeleteI always have an urge to unleash my feelings...and then I regret it. Anyway, I'm delighted that you called my rants "fantastic".
DeleteMy previous post should still be on the blog. I changed the title from "Who Am I?" to "Saints and Sinners". It's also located on my sidebar, under Featured Posts.
Thanks, Sandra.
Ranting is your right. I so hope that something starts working soon and your pain will lessen. Take care, Sheila
ReplyDeleteI suppose I'm a pro ranter - - it always makes me feel better - - and then I usually regret it.
DeleteIf my pain lessens, I'd feel like a real person again.
Thanks for your comment, Sheila.
Hi Jon, I would have immensely, enjoyed hearing you play one of your performances in California! Honestly, I’ve never been to the state of California yet.😊 You can yell, fuss, be crabby anytime with us here! I wish for you to have more better days than not! I’ve been missing in action. I’ve had bronchitis for 6 weeks and counting. I’m on oxygen temporarily, because my oxygen level won’t stay up.This happened when I had covid, Double pneumonia. I’m alright. My 18 year old Grandson, Zayn has a birthday tomorrow. We’re going to meet up for brunch.
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