Nothing is here but the absence of time. Days melt into nights, and the abstract timelessness sneaks into weeks, months, and seasons.
I can't keep track of time and have no reason for it.
The outside world has abandoned me. I am imprisoned in an unholy limbo of routine. Medical routine. Hospital routine.
There is seemingly no way out. My logical thoughts turn to helpless panic. And I pray that I won't lose logic or rationality.
Every hour brings some putrid annoyance or inconvenience.
My (right) arm started bleeding again late Friday night. Right through the bandages. My left arm was hooked up to the IV which is feeding me savage antibiotics ( they assumed I might have sepsis).
One of the nurses wanted to give me a bed bath - in the middle of the night when I'm bleeding and hooked up to an IV. I flatly refused. I had a bath the day before. She was flustered and said she'd get in trouble, so....I had to sign an official paper stating that I refused a bath.
Holy sheeit.
The two Friday late-night nurses are kinda weird and not too friendly or reassuring. One of them reinforced the bleeding bandages on my arm instead of changing them. I knew it wouldn't last for long.
On Saturday I had another hemorrhage on my arm. It was bad but not quite as bad as the Good Friday one (see previous post). I'm afraid to move my right arm for fear of what will happen next.
I'm having (many) other problems besides the arm - - including side effects from the strong antibiotics.
I'm scheduled to see a dermatologist next week, on the 29th or 30th (I have conflicting information).
I'm finally at the point that I don't give a crap about anything. I am completely exhausted. If I ever had a good day, I'd drop dead of surprise.
As usual, there are a lot more things to tell but I'm not in the mood. And I don't want to use my right arm too much, not even for typing.
It's early evening and I'm tired. But if I fall asleep I'll soon be (rudely) awakened for my nightly meds....and the IV hookup.
Jon 🧡 timeless, I suppose
Sorry Jon. It is so hard to sleep in those settings. They never leave you alone all night...but, then again, they really can't. I hope you have some chocolates nearby your bed you can get with your good arm. ;)
ReplyDelete💙
DeleteSorry to hear about your new normal, and I hope there's some relief, if only treats!
ReplyDelete💜
DeleteThinking of you.
ReplyDelete🤎
DeleteYour 'new normal' sounds like the title of a Steven King book ... or Rod Serling episode. I dare say your readers are long past being shocked; rather, deeply saddened for what you've enduring. Thank you for keeping us up to date. Prayers continue!
ReplyDelete❤️
DeleteThe New Normal sucks.
ReplyDeleteParanormal John
💙
ReplyDeleteThere is never an end to what you are going through, Jon, but you don’t give up.
ReplyDelete❤️
Delete(hugs) dear friend.
ReplyDeleteJo
💚
DeleteThink of you... hugs- Louise
ReplyDelete❤️
Deletethecontemplativecat here .Life is never easy at your abode. I am praying for you. I promise.
ReplyDelete💙
DeleteOne of my aunt’s, who is a retired nurse, told me there was a time when a doctor would cuss out nurses for your bandage issues out of concern for infections and would see to it that the bandages would be changed immediately !
ReplyDeleteWho ever manages that facility you’re in and whoever regulates medical facilities in your state should be notified, it is a serious liability issue as it seems in our country the only thing that matters is the effen money. :(
Hoping for your recovery, hang in there Jon :)
-Rj
💚 Thanks!
DeleteJon
ReplyDeleteSorry I've been gone, my youngest had major surgery and it didn't go well.
I hope things will improve for you soon.
I was very concerned about you and assumed things weren't going well. I'm truly sorry to hear this. Please take care and keep in touch when you can.
DeleteJon, I am soo sorry that I have been away from your blog (and mine) for so long. My husband's uncle (very sweet man!) passed away on Easter day and my hubby is in New Jersey today for the funeral. My MIL was supposed to go with him but (yes) she FELL AGAIN yesterday while I was at work and I found out at 11PM after I had gotten home.
ReplyDeleteThe wound care? WTF is going on with THAT??? My mom had a nightmare with her wounds (on her backside and legs) as well and it was NOT enjoyable by any means! Please keep posting to keep us in the know with what is going on with you.
Huge Hugs!
- Kim
I'll try to post soon. Thanks, Kim 🩵
DeleteHow are you today?
ReplyDeleteNot good at all. But I'll update when I can. 🧡
DeleteJon, where are you? I thought I'd call if you're up to it, but I don't know what facility. I'll leave my number, perhaps delete it after you note it down. 971-456-3999
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