This week has been more exasperating than finding a big wad of strange chewing gum on the sole of your brand new pair of Adidas.
(I think my analogy is quasi - funny)
I feel like an interloper in an insane asylum.
First of all, I had to get used to my new room (they rudely transferred me from 609 to 402).
There are flies in this room. I spend idle hours inventing different ways to pulverize them.
My "new" roommate Willie (who is ancient) has unnerving......habits. He continuously shi......oops, I mean craps and pees in his "underwear" ( or whatever he wears). The nurses have to come in and change him every couple of hours.
At night, Willie has a bizarre habit of sliding off the bed, onto the floor - - naked - - then hollers for help. I have to hit the Call Button to summon someone to rescue him.
There is absolutely no privacy in this room. The door is ALWAYS wide open, with no curtain near my bed. I can seldom take a leak in my urinal. People are always gawking in the door.
A view from my bed
So - - -
the other night I waited until after midnight to pee.
I grabbed the urinal.
Ready....aim.....fire!
In the middle of a long, desperate pee
suddenly
out of nowhere
an old lady in a wheelchair - - wheeled right into my room!!!
It startled me so much that I jolted and my streaming aim almost went awry!
"What do you want?" I demanded, as I quickly covered the urinal and my Family Jewels with the bed sheet.
She was mumbling incoherently, obviously not knowing where the hell she was.
Holy Sheeeit.
She finally backed the chair out the door and vanished.
Heck, I'm not coy nor exactly shy. I've done far far far worse things in my sordid time.....when I was young, drunk, and uninhibited.
(I'm remembering one hot sleezy night when there was an impromptu orgy at the notorious Melrose Baths in Hollywood........use your imaginations, if you dare).
Not my first encounter in the Devil's Workshop and definitely not my last. But it was loooong ago when I was hot, eager, and easy.
(why did I throw that sleazy confession in? Just to be obnoxious and see if you scare easily)
Now - - in my softer, more mature years - - I sure as hell don't want to pee in front of a 105 yr. old lady in a wheelchair.
But wait, dear friends!
That's not all what has happened this week. I was transferred to another room!!
I'll only (supposedly) be here for ten days......due to a medical "condition". I'm on antibiotics.
There's too much to tell. I'll update you on my next post.
Stay tuned for the next explosive episode of
Jon, unintentionally exciting 💙
I can't wait for the next reel in this saga.
ReplyDeleteLiz, the unexpected adventures never end. Instead of relaxing and focusing on healing, my nerves are constantly being shattered.
DeleteStay tuned.....
Jon, when I checked your blog and found an empty space earlier today, I wasn't fearing the worst, well maybe that your blog had died, not you. While the incidents you relate here are really not funny, it's the "way" you share them that does make me (and I'm sure others) laugh even though they are not funny when happening to you, my blog friend. Keep us posted on a new room if it becomes a permanent change. Does this mean you won't have to share with Willie? (hopefully).
ReplyDelete