So it's June.
A new month means nothing to me but sheer agony. The seasons have rudely turned from winter to summer. In this torturous purgatory of medical confinement, I am completely oblivious to the seasons.
I'm oblivious to life itself, really. I've lost everything besides my health. I've lost my independence, freedom, dignity, hope......
Forget the bullshit that I post on this blog. If I ever revealed the unfathomably deep depression that has overtaken me you would be horrified.
I've tried to fight long enough. The battle is finally over.
I devise secret plans in these useless hours of confinement. Plans of escape - - one way or another.
If, during the next few weeks, I'm not allowed to go home to eventually die - - - I will find another way while I'm here.....
think what you like.
I have absolutely no desire to dwindle and rot in this nightmarish confinement. I have seen some of the others - - twenty (or thirty) years older than myself, having lost sense of time, who can't remember where they are or who they are. One of them was yelling and crying last night.
Updates?
I've given up for any help concerning the cancerous "wound" on my upper right arm. I had a far-away appointment for surgery....on July 14th.
My arm (still) bleeds frequently. Two days ago it hemorrhaged again
Want to hear another shock?
The surgery scheduled for July 14th turned out to be the removal of a tiny scab on my chest! The surgeon knew nothing about my arm!!!!
What the hell is wrong with the medical industry? I've spent the past six months trying to find out what's causing the pain in my spine/back.
I seriously doubt I'll ever get surgery on my arm. The nurses here have contacted everybody. So far, no word from anyone.
Crap on them all.
The only good news I've saved for last.
One of the workers here - a woman named Sheila - lives way out where my home is. She checked my place the other day, and everything is okay.
She also got my mail - - which she brought to me in a huge bag.
So kind of her. A relief to me.
Useless trivia
Did you know my home is located on King Mountain?
The previous owner was James King, who built the place. He owned several properties in that area. His ancestors resided there for centuries.
Ironically, Mr. King passed away a few years ago here at the Signature Health Care Center, where I'm presently ensconed.
A few honestly real genuine photos....just so I won't offend those (sensitive souls) who are allergic to AI
(he says with bitter but harmless sarcasm)
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The bag of mail I received
(mostly rain- soaked)
The only view of the outside world that I presently have
Jon, not in the mood to be congenial in the least 😡
A sincere thank you to Jane in TN for the recent card. 😸
P.S.
I GREATLY appreciate your comments, but when I'm depressed I don't feel like replying. I'm glad you're there.
I would get on the phone and start calling the Board of directors or someone in charge who needs to know what is going on with you and how you’ve been treated. It is absolutely unbelievable! Someone in authority at that hospital has got to hear your story! You need to “shake some shit” whatever that means I just made it up! lol you can’t seem to get answers about anything. You are laying there in limbo!! It’s too bad you don’t have a family member who could come in there and get some answers for you! A friend in Texas!
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DeleteHow kind of her to check on the house and bring your mail. Jon, I have been praying for you today. God is real and you know that. Somehow, though, I think it is good to say it.
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DeleteWell I'm appalled by the fact that the surgery is not scheduled for the "real problem". What is seriously going on with the folks in charge of your care !
ReplyDeleteI agree with your friend in Texas, someone needs to shake some "s" and pull their finger out.
On the happier note, it was kind of Sheila to check on your house for you, and gald all iw well.
You can sign up for Informed Delivery on the USPS.com site, once you are signed up, you can elect to have your mail stopped and held for periods of time, and also view what mail should be delivered to your box daily.
I'm sorry you are in such a nightmare Jon, do they still have the Ombudsmen in your facility, maybe they can help you ?
If there is anything I can help you with from this end of the State, please reach out.
Hugs,
~Jo
I forgot to add....you can have your mail forwarded to your current address. x
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DeleteI'm glad someone checked on the house, small comfort but it's a little something. And I respect your judgment about what you decide is next.
ReplyDelete💜
Delete"You're welcome—just wanted to send a little something. You're in my thoughts."
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DeleteI'm so sad to read of these (non) developments, Jon. Does your rehab facility not have a patient advocate like hospitals?
ReplyDeleteDon't lose your imagination, please. Sometimes that (mental escape) has seen me through more times than I'd like to admit.
Still praying!
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DeleteStill here and praying for you, Jon. And YES the medical field leaves a lot to be desired and truly NEEDS to get its shit together. I am so glad that one of the workers was caring enough to do that for you! WOW have you gotten A LOT of mail to keep you a bit busy to say the least. Please trying to hang in there we are all in your corner. Huge Hugs - Kim
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DeleteAll of the above who commented have made some good suggestions, Jon.
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DeleteI'm so sorry to hear this, Jon....but certainly not surprised. I spent my entire career working in "that" system. I spent a fair share of it advocating for patients and trying to make things right that the system miserably failed in. Sometimes I failed, too, but I sure in the hell tried. Sadly, there's just layers and layers of crap. If there are social workers there...what in God's name are they doing?? Patient advocate?? TN. Dept. of Health?? Start making phone calls until you hit the right nail on the head. Good luck, Jon. Don't
ReplyDeletegive up.
Paranormal John
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DeleteOh Jon, I hope there is some way you can go to your home on King Mountain. Perhaps after your surgery? This is my goal, to die here at my home in southern coastal Delaware. My good friend Bob M. just wanted to be home but he died in one of those maximum care units with his Parkinson's. He love his freedom so much. My Mother died at my late brother's home in South Carolina. She just wanted to die at her home but it wasn't possible. The last time Bill and I visited her she had her little suitcase packed at ready to go. Bill and I had visited her. She wanted us to take her home. We couldn't. Before we left, I went into her bedroom to say goodbye to her. She was lying on her bed, softly crying. She didn't know I was there. I left without saying anything. That was the last time I saw her alive. That haunts me to this day. For years I worried how I would manage should I start to fail physically (which I am already) or have an incurable disease. So far my only "incurable disease" is my old age (83). Last month Delaware finally came to its senses and passed the Right To Die law which was languishing in the state senate since our previous governor kept refusing to sign it. Now I have an "out". I've been in the hospitable with a long indefinite stay when I was seventeen years old (all summer in 1959). I had a staph infection and they didn't expect me to survive. I was planning an escape with the help of two candy strippers (young girls who help the nurses.) Thankfully I survived and came out alive and joined the Army and began my long life. Since then I've been in the hospitable plenty of times, especially the last ten years. I hate it. Absolutely hate it. I feel so bad for you because I know how much you love your home in the mountains of Tennessee. Know this, we will all eventually go "home." I believe that fervently. I am looking forward to that day but for now I'm making the most of every day I have my personal freedom to move around and do as I please. I hope you can return to your home Jon.
ReplyDeleteRon
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DeleteThanks for the beautiful comment, Ron. I appreciate all your thoughts.
DeleteTake care. ❤️
That place you’re in should be ashamed !
ReplyDeleteAs well as the doctor “treating” your arm. Whatever state board they have should be notified. As the indomitable Bette Davis said getting old isn’t for sissies and she wasn’t kidding. Jon, I hope things get turned around for the better.
-Rj 🌈✨💐
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