I somehow knew that my previous post would be my swan song. I am completely overwhelmed with negativities, more than you could ever imagine. Mentally and physically, I am ripped to shreds. Writing used to be my catharsis, but lately it's no use. I can hardly connect logical words together.
A recent (innocent) incident only served to complicate things. Please don't call the rehab facility office where I am to help in my behalf. This caught me off guard and forced me to explain things with an impromptu web of lies. I know the intentions were truly good, but it backfired.
I'm not angry, only cautious.
That is not why I'm leaving this blog. I simply can't handle it. I've often said I'm no longer alive. I lost all of my dignity and freedom.
You can blog about your blooming begonias and ice cream socials and leisurely romps through lazy summer days.
I don't know what bloody hell season it is. I can write about my new urinal, over-prescribed meds, and inability to walk. I can write about this goddamn bed that's been my home for an eternity.
And my total lack of privacy.
I could tell you about a long-ago pool party at a (devious) director's Beverly Hills home when I was young and desirable.....deciding which kind of caviar to choose.
Now I can tell you how many people walk unexpectedly in the room while I'm pissing in my new urinal.
Life is an unforgiving bitch.
I lost more blood from my arm early this morning. An ugly incident I want to forget.
I finally finally have a noon appointment tomorrow with the surgeon in ******** . It makes no difference. They waited too long. It's four months too late. I seriously doubt anything can be done.
And I seriously doubt I can say any more. There's nothing left to say.
I know that every one of you have sincere hearts and good intentions. I deeply appreciate that. I'm just.....
.....bitter, frustrated, angry, disgusted, frightened....
I'm allowing comments on this newly edited final post, but I won't reply.
I'll miss every one of you.
Jon 🖤 Heart of the Lost
I'm referring to my previous post
I will return ....sometime
(I had my comment settings wrong - - sorry!)
Dear Jon, you'll be in my heart forever, even if you don't write.
ReplyDeleteJon, although I am sad to read this I do understand. Please know you are thought about.
ReplyDeleteYou will be deeply missed if you step away from writing. Just know—many readers care deeply for you and will miss hearing from you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to see you close this door....but I understand. Sometimes we have to close doors. This has been quite the journey. I wish you only the best and hope that things turn the corner for you.
ReplyDeleteParanormal John
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ReplyDeleteSorry Jon, I'm hoping that you change your mind.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Jo
I'm clinging to a prayer (that) you'll resurface before long in a new form/blog ... not unlike the mythical Phoenix, rising from the ashes. I care more than you know.
ReplyDeleteI hope we’ll hear from you again. I will miss you and continue to pray for improvement in your health and life. Take care, Sheila
ReplyDeleteYou'll always be in my thoughts, Jon. I'll miss you. Hugs, Louise
ReplyDeleteYou must do what you need to do. I do however think blogging is soon to be a thing of the past. Four more blogs I read just hung it up. I hope things will get better for you, and if you decide to come back, we will see you in our reader pop up! Take good care Jon and keep giving them hell.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Jon, you know that you will be in the hearts of all your fellow bloggers. You will be missed but you must do what you feel is right.
ReplyDeleteJon, you’re so creative and talented! I’ve always enjoyed your stories, cats, photos and descriptions of home in Tennessee! You’re in my prayers. You said the food is crappy; can you order from restaurants and have it delivered to the nursing home? My best friend Pam was in a nursing home with her husband Jerry. They ordered food for delivery all the time. Take care
ReplyDeleteJon, I am so sorry for all you are going through and I am very saddened by this news. I do; however, understand and please know that you will always be in the minds and hearts of your caring followers and friends here for you.
ReplyDelete