EXPLOSION

In my previous post ("Frozen"), my final words were "I'm ready to explode!" Well, yesterday I did. We'll get to that shortly, but I want to unravel some things.

Recently, I wanted to do some different things on my blog - - instead of the usual boring medical updates. I decided to rehash some posts from my old Texas blog "Lone Star Concerto".

My ploy worked. Two rehashed posts, "Skool Daze" and "Almost Fatal Attraction", got an enormous amount of views - - and I'm delighted.

I recently removed "Gay Bars, Danger, and Murder", but I'll post it soon again. I enjoy writing about my unconvential past.....and if I told everything, THAT would be an explosion.

Due to my present dire medical situation, I was so depressed that I wrote my quasi-poetic post "Frozen". My disgust and frustration over everything knew no bounds.

I (sort of) regret that post, but I won't remove it.

Anyway......

Things exploded yesterday.

I have been lying in this cursed bed for months. My upper right arm has a squamous cell carcinoma "wound" that has been bleeding profusely ever since April, when I had a botched biopsy. They either hit a vein or an artery. It bleeds in two places.

For the past five months, I've been going through a nightmarish maze of complications. It would take nearly forever to explain it. I desperately needed help with my frequently hemorrhaging arm. And I mean horrifying hemorrhages.

Went to Cookeville  Medical Center. My regular oncologist wasn't there. A new doctor - rude and condescending - said she wouldn't treat my arm because of my delicate health. The End.

Went to a dermatologist. She wasn't there, so I got her assistant. She looked at my bleeding arm, said it was bad. The End.

Got another appointment with another dr. In June which was mysteriously canceled. Finally got a mid-July appointment with a dermatological surgeon. That appt. was mysteriously cancelled at nearly the last minute.

Are you exhausted yet??

After more failed promises, lots of stalling, indecisions, bogus appointments, and more stalling

I got another appointment with the initial dermatologist. She said I'd require special surgery - - from a plastic surgeon, or radiation therapy.

I was supposed to see a cosmetic surgeon tomorrow (Friday 29th) and that was canceled!!!!

SO

Yesterday I BLEW UP!!! I caused a complete ruckus here at Signature Health Care. I'm generally known as being kind, gentle, sweet, quiet, accomodating, and congenial. My Hungarian temper EXPLODED!!!!

I demanded to know what the hell is going on - -- why the stalling, the lies, the constant bullshit. I was yelling at every one.

Well, I got their attention. Everybody came into my room. Social workers, nurses, aides, and God knows who else.

The social workers talked for at least an hour. Every one here is confused with things are going on. Hospice is messing up a lot of things, because they're against medical treatments (I'm only with Hospice due to insurance purposes).

I have the option of dumping Hospice, but I'll immediately have to leave Signature (insurance purposes). I'm supposedly going to see the doctor in charge here - - but he's mostly worthless.

The future is hazy. My main concern is to have my arm cauterized and treated for cancer. I would opt for radiation rather than surgery. Everyone seemed to agree.

I would stay here for a few more weeks, then dump Hospice, and go home. Everything is difficult, but I would have freedom. 

Even though my insurance no longer covers my physical therapy, the social workers recently have two physical therapists come here to help me with my legs.

There is a dim light at the end of the tunnel. Perhaps I can get home before autumn. It's my choice, even if I die there. I'm mostly worried about being able to walk. I think home physical therapy is available if I have Home Quality Health Care again.

We'll see.

This post is unbearably long, but I wanted to attempt to explain a complicated situation.

Jon 🤎  sometimes explosive

Still plaguing you with my AL images....hell, why not? dramatic, intense, emotional

Gay bars and murder in my upcoming post. Hide the children!!!!