One of the problems I've always had as a pianist was an intense fear of performing. I had no doubts about my talent or capability - but I had an intense terror of making a mistake or having memory failure.
Whenever I gave a public performance, my main goal was to get through it alive and with as few mistakes as possible.
My performance fears were compounded whenever I was being recorded or videotaped. Press a Record button anywhere near me and I instantly freeze.
With an over-sensitive musical ear and a strong penchant for being self-critical, I can always hear flaws when I listen to my recordings. My recorded performances are never (or seldom) relaxed. I always seem to be pressing forward merely to get to the end.
In all honesty, however, I usually manage to do a reasonably good job in dangerous (pianistically speaking) situations. I have never edited or dubbed my recordings, like some musicians do. What you hear is exactly how it was performed. Flaws and all.
What's my point?
No point, really. Perhaps - in some strange, neurotic, roundabout way - I'm praising my recordings and realizing that I wasn't half as bad as I imagined.
I recently found this recording that I made in California when I was twenty. The audio quality isn't the greatest, but I managed to transfer the old tape to an mp3 file.
Introduction and Rondo Capriccioso op. 14 by Felix Mendelssohn (1809-1847).
Mendelssohn wrote this piece when he was about 18 years old.
Fair warning: it's over 7 minutes long.
Have a shot of whiskey before listening.
I posted this on Soundcloud because I wasn't in the mood to make a video for YouTube.
