The phone rings (last week).
I answer.
It's a lady from my Internet service provider.
"I'm pleased to announce that we can now convert you to fiber optics, free of charge!"
"No thanks. I have my own religion."
"Well, this decision is completely up to you, but we plan to have the entire county converted very soon."
"Hallelujah!"
"Shall I schedule an appointment?"
"I'm not sure."
I'm not only stalling, I'm pathetically puzzled. Truthfully, I wouldn't know what fiber optics was if it crawled up my leg and bit me on the ass.
I ask her to explain.
Her explanation is almost as muddled as my comprehension. And my comprehension is as thick as Golden Gate Bridge fog...or pea soup.
Her enthusiasm is much more persuasive than her explanation.
"There's no charge to you, your Internet experience will be vastly improved....
and - everybody's doing it!"
After a moment of serious contemplation - which seemed like two hours but in fact was only ten seconds - I suddenly have a Come to Jesus Moment.
Before my intuition tells me "No!", my blubbering lips blurt out:
"Yes! I'll do it! I want to be converted!"
I think the lady felt blessed and rewarded. I made her day.
As for me -
a weight was lifted from my sagging soul and all my past sins were seemingly expelled in a moment.
Actually, my multitudinous past sins would take longer to expel than downloading War and Peace with a dial-up connection - - but that's beside the point.
So I spent some time Googling information about the fiber optic computer/phone experience. I really didn't learn much except the fact that my Internet surfing will be a little faster....and installing a fiber optic connection is a helluva lot of trouble.
The workers ascended on my property this afternoon to do the outside preparation work. Everything went smoothly - except that I had to move my car to accommodate one of their trucks.
Tomorrow afternoon (Wednesday) they will do the inside work (installation of the connection contraption).
I should have a great time keeping my unsuspecting cats calm during the invasion of strangers.
Scruffy is friendly and likes strangers (to the point of being annoying) - but Scratch and Bosco hate strangers and are going to freak out Big Time.
But all the trouble will be worth the conversion. I think.
Jon, I cannot find any reference to fiber optics in my Bible but wish you every success with them. Enjoyable post!
ReplyDeleteYour Bible is obviously old, Geo. You need the new updated version.
DeleteIn my wildest dreams, I never thought I'd be doing a post about fiber optics.
Any time I hear..."everybody's doing it" it gets me into trouble.
ReplyDeleteI've always been a follower - not a leader. Which means I've seen a lot of asses.....
Delete(I'm not sure if that makes any sense)
Hallelujah!
ReplyDeleteSo glad I'm not the only soul who has difficulty grasping techno-speak. Being a suspicious sort by nature, I'm curious to hear your aftermath.
Heck, I'm still trying to figure out how to change the needle on my phonograph.
DeleteI'm curious,too, so I'll undoubtedly have an update.
Don't say "aftermath". It scares me.
I've heard of that but I don't remember what I heard. guess I don't have it because no strangers came into my house.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel bad, Paula - I always hear things that I don't remember.
DeleteROFL!! The way she put it just cracked me up! Wow! I hope you have way faster internet after all this hoopla and disruption. Annie (or Karma, too, for that matter) hates company. Annie even hides from McFamily and her former favorite person, Dagan. He feels quite rejected. Hope it all goes smoothly--and quickly.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you enjoyed my attempt at humor. I will write an update on my next post. Just as predicted, Bosco and Scratch freaked out. Scratch hid in a closet and, after a long search, I found Bosco in the garage.
DeleteHi there,Jon :)
ReplyDeleteReading & enjoyin'!
I appreciate your input - - thanks for being there!
DeleteFunny post and equally funny responses above! I would love to be able to come up with something but, nope, my funny bone has deserted me. Well done, everyone. MaggieB
ReplyDeleteMaggie, even though my life is presently very stressful with lots of negative things going on - I never seem to lose my sense of humor. I think it's what helps me get through...
Deletei hope the conversion pays off for you. alot of soul searching went into the process i know.
ReplyDeleteAbout thirty seconds of soul searching went into it - which is a lot for me (*smile*). I'll do an update in my next post. Just between you and me, I don't see much difference now that I'm fiber opticized...
DeleteHope you made double sure they weren't suddenly going to charge you! I am always suspicious when people offer to do things that take a lot of trouble for no cost!
ReplyDeleteI'm always suspicious, too, Jenny - but I knew that the caller was legitimate and had all the private data from my account. The workers came yesterday to finish the installation. I'll write an update about this on my next post.
DeleteHA! You sure have an unique sense of humor. My hubby worked for Bell Laboratories and was, as he put it, in the foreskin of technology regarding both copper and fiber optics cables.
ReplyDeleteA combination of cables and foreskin could be painful (sorry - I couldn't resist).
ReplyDeleteMy apologies for being late to comment on this posting Jon. I think you will be very pleased with your fiber optic Internet connect. I wish I had that option here but Comcast has a headlock on our Internet connections. I have satellite TV (DirecTV). When we lived in Pennsylvania, in the woods at the end of a five hundred yard road I had a similar offer of a free fiber optic hookup for free. They would have to dig a trench up our five hundred yard road to the house. Previously I had checked with Comcast to install a cable and they wanted to charge me $4,000! That's why Comcast is going to take over the world. They are greedy SOB's. I had Verizon install the fiber optics cable and had fabulous, fast, dependable service. Losing that service (half the price of my present Comcast Internet service that I have now) was one of my major negatives moving from Pennsylvania. Give your fiber optics service a chance, I think you'll be very pleased.
ReplyDeleteRon
It's really too bad that you are stuck with Comcast - I've heard so many negative things about them. I like my internet service provider here in TN (it's Twin Lakes) but they are MUCH more expensive than the Texas one was. So far, my fiber optic connection has been very dependable. I'm keeping my fingers (and toes) crossed....
ReplyDeleteHope it works out for you. I would have never given her a chance to get to the sales pitch. Although I am pretty sure I have not missed out on much in life with my I-don't-know-you-hang-up-method, sometimes I do wonder if there might be some great offer that would have changed my world.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm pretty sure that offer would not come via a telemarketer. =)
Fortunately I knew she was with my Internet service provider - and she had all my information (password, security key, etc etc). I also knew about the change-over from copper cables to fiber optics.
DeleteIf it was a telemarketer, I would have hung up in 10 seconds.