The phone rings (last week).
I answer.
It's a lady from my Internet service provider.
"I'm pleased to announce that we can now convert you to fiber optics, free of charge!"
"No thanks. I have my own religion."
"Well, this decision is completely up to you, but we plan to have the entire county converted very soon."
"Hallelujah!"
"Shall I schedule an appointment?"
"I'm not sure."
I'm not only stalling, I'm pathetically puzzled. Truthfully, I wouldn't know what fiber optics was if it crawled up my leg and bit me on the ass.
I ask her to explain.
Her explanation is almost as muddled as my comprehension. And my comprehension is as thick as Golden Gate Bridge fog...or pea soup.
Her enthusiasm is much more persuasive than her explanation.
"There's no charge to you, your Internet experience will be vastly improved....
and - everybody's doing it!"
After a moment of serious contemplation - which seemed like two hours but in fact was only ten seconds - I suddenly have a Come to Jesus Moment.
Before my intuition tells me "No!", my blubbering lips blurt out:
"Yes! I'll do it! I want to be converted!"
I think the lady felt blessed and rewarded. I made her day.
As for me -
a weight was lifted from my sagging soul and all my past sins were seemingly expelled in a moment.
Actually, my multitudinous past sins would take longer to expel than downloading War and Peace with a dial-up connection - - but that's beside the point.
So I spent some time Googling information about the fiber optic computer/phone experience. I really didn't learn much except the fact that my Internet surfing will be a little faster....and installing a fiber optic connection is a helluva lot of trouble.
The workers ascended on my property this afternoon to do the outside preparation work. Everything went smoothly - except that I had to move my car to accommodate one of their trucks.
Tomorrow afternoon (Wednesday) they will do the inside work (installation of the connection contraption).
I should have a great time keeping my unsuspecting cats calm during the invasion of strangers.
Scruffy is friendly and likes strangers (to the point of being annoying) - but Scratch and Bosco hate strangers and are going to freak out Big Time.
But all the trouble will be worth the conversion. I think.
