ANSWERS AND QUESTIONS

Whenever I get tired of writing posts for this increasingly boring blog, I resort to answering questions. 
I stole these from sundaystealing , which in turn stole them from somebody else.

 1. What bill do you hate paying the most?

I cringe whenever I have to pay any of them - - but my biggest cringe comes from my internet service provider bill. In Texas I was paying $53 a month for high speed internet and a landline phone.
Here in Tennessee I'm paying $85 for the EXACT same thing.
 
2. What do you really want to be doing right now?

Answering stupid questions on my rapidly-diminishing blog.
But seriously -
Leisurely reclining in a comfortable hammock somewhere in Hawaii, sipping a Mai Tai, and watching the volcano erupt.
 
3. Why did you choose the shirt you have on now?

Last night I took a clean t shirt out of the drawer, put it on, and nearly perished from the strong moldy smell. Everything here in the Tennessee wilderness is hopelessly damp and completely SATURATED with mold. This cursed dampness almost (almost) makes me wish I were back in arid, drought-stricken West Texas.
SO
I found another t shirt that smelled less moldy, stuck it in the dryer for a few minutes, and put it on. I am now wearing an orange t shirt with a slightly less moldy smell. 
 
4. Thoughts on gas prices?

Not too many gas thoughts. I have other miserable things to contend with. Actually, the gas prices aren't too bad.
 
5. First thought when the alarm goes off in the morning?

No alarm ever goes off around here. My cat Bosco is the only alarm I need. At the crack of dawn he wakes up and mercilessly tortures me until I finally stumble out of bed.

6. Last thought you have before you go to sleep?


Pleeeze God, don't let me die in my sleep. The cats will devour me within an hour.
I hope I don't have any nightmares, sleep paralysis, wet dreams, or visits from aliens.

I just threw in wet dreams to see if you're still alert.
 
7. Do you miss being a child?

I miss the innocence and naivety of being a child - and the feeling that a vast, endless, limitless expanse of opportunities awaited me.


8. What errand/chore do you despise the most?

What errand/chore don't I despise?
Actually, the one I despise more than anything I ever despised in my entire life is: the ENDLESSLY long and tedious drive to town on the narrow perilous mountain road. I hate driving to town so much that many times I simply don't go - until I'm completely out of supplies.


9. Up early or sleep in?

Until I finally get the courage to kill Bosco, I'm usually up early.


10. Favorite lunch meat?

My favorite lunch meat has always been deli Italian hard salami (not that soft quasi-chicken crap "salami" that is sold packaged in the supermarket).
Unfortunately, real hard Italian salami doesn't seem to exist in Tennessee. So I compensate myself by buying smoked ham at Walmart.
 
11. What do you get every time at Trader Joe’s?

What the hell is Trader Joe's and why do I need to be there?
I used to know a Hollywood drug dealer called Tracker Joe.


12. Beach or lake?

Although I have nothing against lakes, I'll take the beach.
The tangy scent of the salty ocean, the ceaseless sound of pulsing waves, the gulls and sand pipers, the shells.....
......the sand in my shorts, the invigorating threat of sharks,  third degree burns from the sun......
 
13. Ever crashed your vehicle?

I wrote a post about this on my blog once. It happened in Beverly Hills, very near the house where Sharon Tate was murdered. A speeding old lady crashed into me with her Ferrari.


14. Strangest place you've brushed your teeth?

Well, you've finally stumped me. I have no astounding tooth brushing stories. How about in the kitchen sink?
 
15. Somewhere you've never been but want to go?

Is there any place left in the world where Americans won't be killed?
How about Saudi Arabia? If not, I'll settle for Bora Bora. 


16. At this point in your life would you want to start a new career?

At this point in my life, I'm lucky if I can crawl out of bed and get to the bathroom. I'm not exactly planning a new career.....
.......although Grandma Moses didn't start painting until she was in her 80's. 
 
17. Do you own your own house?

Yes - I paid cash for this dump in the wilderness about three and a half years ago.
Hey, wanna buy some property in a Tennessee forest?

 
18. Do you have a go-to person?

"Go to" for what? Sex??
(Sorry, I have a dirty mind)
Yea, I have a few people I can go to for moral support. And God knows, I need it.....
 
19. Are you where you want to be in life?

Absolutely. I've always wanted to be a penniless hermit living in a Tennessee shack in the middle of nowhere - with mice, raccoons, 'possums, and two acres of 15-foot-high weeds.


20. Growing up, what were your favorite cartoons?

I loved a lot of cartoons on TV but my favorite was Popeye. And probably Rocky and Bullwinkle.
As for comic books, I always read Dennis the Menace and Little Lulu. 
 
21. What has changed since you were a child?

Let's see - the buffalo are gone, Arizona is finally a state, and the light bulb was invented.
Of course, I'm jesting. Maybe.
I'm not exactly ancient - but the world was a completely different place when I was a child. Kinder and gentler. Nowadays, the world is an evil bitch.
Perhaps it always was.....but children didn't notice.
 
22. Looking back at high school, were they the best years of your life?

I despised almost everything about high school. I never studied and "ditched" classes whenever I could. I only stayed because I was the editor of the high school newspaper and I truly loved  journalism and the other kids who worked on the paper.
I graduated when I was sixteen ....and never looked back.
 
23. Are there times you still feel like a kid?

Are you kidding? (no pun intended). I'm still a kid at heart. I never grew up.
 
24. Did you have a pager?

A Pager?? Who the hell do you think I am? Paris Hilton?
When I was a pianist, I occasionally had a page turner...... 
 
25. Were you the type of kid you want your kids to hang out with?

I don't have any kids, thank Gawd.
When I was a kid I was quiet, extremely well-behaved, obedient, and nearly perfect.

Then I hit puberty and made up for lost time. I eventually became a card-carrying heathen and indulged in a decadent lifestyle that would make Satan blush. 

That's It??
Those are all the questions???
Hell, I was just warming up.